5 techniques for the moment you are overwhelmed

We all have those moments where we are hit with something overwhelming. Whether it be an argument, a panic attack or a piece of bad news, our gut reactions aren’t always the most helpful. That’s why it’s important to have coping strategies for those first few moments. Try one of these techniques the next time you need to stay calm while dealing with a big emotion.

1. Use breathing techniques

There’s a breathing trick I have been using lately to help calm down and refocus. First, you close your eyes. Feel everything that’s inside you and pick a word that best describes your emotions. Now, forget about that while you breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts and breathe out for eight counts, thinking only of your breath (or, if you’re like me, the counting). Do this three times, then check inside again and label your emotion. You should be seeing at least some improvement. Keep doing this as many times as you feel necessary.

  

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2. Accept the situation

There are things we simply cannot change. They happen and we have to deal with them. Instead of thinking thoughts like, “This can’t be happening!” or “That’s completely wrong!”, try just accepting it. Your outrage is not going to change the situation. Accepting is not the same as agreeing. Accepting means facing reality for what it is instead of delving into your own pathology. By trying to make something different than what it is, you are wasting your time and mental resources. Make the decision to accept whatever happened and then see how you can have a helpful reaction.

3. Take a break

There are some situations that have to be dealt with immediately, but often you don’t actually have to respond at once. When you are overwhelmed, step aside from the incident until you can gather yourself. You can tell the others involved that you need a moment, but you can also take a timeout without letting on why. Just go to the bathroom or say that you need to check that you turned off the stove. Anything is helpful. Another trick for smaller breaks is to have a drink with you. When you need a moment, just take a sip. It’s amazing how big of a difference a few seconds can make.

4. Ask for help

If someone else is in a position to be helpful, just ask. If it’s difficult for you, it’s often difficult for someone else, too. They’ll understand and do what they can. You can call a sister and vent, go out on the town with a friend or simply ask your therapist to hand you a tissue. Feeling alone in a situation can make it so much worse, so showing yourself that you are loved and cared for can be very calming.

5. Express yourself

Sometimes, feelings demand action. Some of the options that occur to us are healthy; some are not. Pause to make sure your action is appropriate before you act. Punching a wall might sound therapeutic, but you can hurt yourself and/or the wall.  You could hit a pillow a few times instead. If appropriate, you could also respectfully state out loud what you are feeling and experiencing. If you don’t have the option of expressing yourself in the moment, make a mental note of how you will do it later. This could be journaling, exercising or talking to your therapist, for instance. Knowing that you have an outlet later can help you better focus in the moment.

What do you do in the moments you are overwhelmed? Give your own tips in the comments.

100 ways to improve your mental health

We’ve reached a milestone today – this is my 100th post! To celebrate, I decided to make a list of 100 things. The most helpful idea that came to mind was ways to improve mental health, so here it is. I have broken the list down into categories so that you can find the ones that are the most relevant for what you are working on. (Another milestone: Happy birthday, A. You’re my favorite.)

  

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Emotionally

1. Honor your emotions for what they are and accept them fully.

2. Do something that makes you happy every day.

3. Remember that feelings are temporary; they will always change.

4. Express your emotions creatively.

5. Ask for help when you feel overwhelmed.

6. Know when to back out of a situation.

7. Stop your thinking and ask yourself what you are actually feeling and why.

8. Use a feelings chart to identify what you are experiencing.

9. Surround yourself with little things that make you happy – flowers, art, scented candles, etc.

10. Find positive and uplifting entertainment.

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Mentally

11. Stay in the present.

12. Deal with stress as it comes up.

13. Eliminate bad habits. 

14. Set realistic goals and work towards them.

15. Stop using negative words to describe yourself.

16. Reward yourself for doing difficult things.

17. Take a break when you need it.

18. Find new ways to do things.

19. Stop and consider other perspectives on what you’re experiencing.

20. Use good common sense.

                                                                                              Physically

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21. Exercise regularly.

22. Take time to relax.

23. Eat three meals a day.

24. Take your medication as prescribed.

25. Stay at a healthy weight. 

26. Get enough sleep.

27. See a doctor when you need to.

28. Choose healthy food.

29. Stay away from harmful substances.

30. Love your body as best you can.

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Socially

31. Rely on your support system.

32. Spend time with other people regularly.

33. Be a helpful friend.

34. Respect the needs of others and expect that they do the same.

35. Engage in volunteer work.

36. Eliminate negative influences in your life.

37. Set and keep healthy boundaries.

38. Make time for yourself.

39. Be clear in your communication.

40. Be considerate.

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Intellectually

41. Be educated about your disorder(s).

42. Learn something new every day.

43. Study things you genuinely find interesting.

44. Study something you know absolutely nothing about.

45. Do mind exercises like sudoku, crossword puzzles and word games.

46. Talk to other people about what they do.

47. Take an evening or community course.

48. Think up funny jokes and witty responses.

49. Take notes when you are learning about something. Refer to them later.

50. Do calculations in your head instead of using your phone.

Spiritually

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51. Practice mindfulness

52. Meditate and/or pray.

53. Eliminate unhealthy beliefs.

54. Rely on a higher power.

55. Learn about the beliefs of others.

56. Journal about your spiritual experiences.

57. Share your spiritual experiences with open-minded loved ones.

58. Forgive.

59. Find or decide on your life’s purpose and live it.

60. Stay true to what you believe.

                                                             Environmentally

                                                             61. Surround yourself with beautiful things.

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62. Hang up motivational posters.

63. Spend time in nature.

64. Keep your home clean.

65. Use sticky notes to post affirmations where you’ll see them frequently.

66. Support any environmental causes you believe in.

67. Use your resources well.

68. Take basic safety precautions.

69. Repair broken things so they don’t continue to frustrate you.

70. Stay organized.

Occupationally

71. Do things you love.

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72. Know your limits when it comes to work.

73. Develop schedules and routines.

74. Simplify your work.

75. Get support from colleagues when necessary.

76. Keep good boundaries between your personal and professional lives.

77. Compliment coworkers on a job well done.

78. If you are unhappy in your job, look for a new one.

79. Multitask less.

80. Take a day off when you need to.

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Self-care

81. Journal regularly. 

82. Go for a walk.

83. Make your favorite meal.

84. Use grounding techniques.

85. Have a list of coping skills.

86. Be patient.

87. Keep a gratitude journal.

88. Go easy on yourself.

89. Respect yourself.

Other

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91. Stand up for yourself.

92. Believe you can get better.

93. Keep a beginner’s mindset.

94. Learn from every experience.

95. Keep some money in savings.

96. Have alternatives for self-destructive behaviors.

97. Be prepared for change.

98. Have a safety plan.

99. Stay progress-oriented.

100. Make a list of personal reasons to recover.

Do you have any tips to add? Please do so in the comments!

Daily affirmations

  

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I’ve come up with a little routine lately. It’s simple, but more powerful than I imagined it would be: I say affirmations out loud every single day.

Pick something you do every day that requires minimal thinking. For me, it’s washing myself in the shower (so it’s accompanied by wonderful aromas from my shower gels). It could be doing the dishes, putting on make up, shaving, getting dressed, whatever. Just choose a time where you have a few minutes and make sure it’s something that you do daily.

The way I’ve been doing it is picking a theme each day. Today it was communication for me. In the time I set aside, I say as many affirmations as I can on that topic. I’ve been challenging myself by choosing affirmations that push my belief in myself. This has helped me grow. As an example, here are some of mine from today:

“I have a voice that deserves to be heard.”

“I can speak freely.”

“I show love in the things that I say.”

“I am powerful when I speak my truth.” 

See how they go along with the theme? Sticking to one topic each day allows me to explore what I am talking about in depth. You might want to do something kind for yourself afterwards. I make myself a nice cup of tea and journal. Do whatever works for you.

It sounds like a small thing, but it makes a big difference. It’s made me more comfortable with myself and more willing to do things that are difficult. You believe what you are repeatedly exposed to, so rehash themes as needed. I have a general cycle with a broader theme for each day of the week and then pick a subsection of that day’s message. 

For more information on affirmations, read this. There is also a list here of some affirmations you can try out until you develop your own.

Do you use affirmations? What has changed in your life as a result of them? Share your thoughts in the comments. 

15 mental health resolutions for 2015

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Happy New Year! As we all know, this is the time of year when people take stock of their lives and find ways to improve. So in the spirit of goal-setting, here are 15 resolutions to keep you mentally healthy in 2015. I encourage you to adopt at least one of them!

1. I will set and maintain healthy boundaries.

2. I will say no to negativity. 

3. I will make time for myself.

4. I will love and accept my body the way it is.

5. I will continue to learn new things.

6. I will practice mindfulness and self-care.

7. I will ask for help when I need it.

8. I will find healthy ways of dealing with stress.

9. I will not indulge in excess.

10. I will surround myself with supportive people.

11. I will take medications as instructed. 

12. I will physically take care of my body (exercise, nutrition, sleep, etc.).  

13. I will only speak positively about myself, in or out of my head.

14. I will shrug off unhealthy guilt. 

15. I will be proud of myself for each step towards recovery.

What mental health resolutions are you making? Post yours in the comments!

7 ways to manage change

Like the saying goes, change is the only constant in life. Sometimes it’s for the better, other times it’s not. But no matter what, it will come at you every day of your life. With some transitions, it might be hard to adjust. Fortunately, there are things you can do to make change more manageable.

  

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1. Try something new

Prepare for future changes by getting used to the process. Try new things on a regular basis so that variety become a natural part of your life. Take chances and open yourself up to what’s outside your comfort zone. New foods, sports, friends, classes, hobbies and so on make you more able to adapt to the changes you will later encounter. Besides, novel forms of stimulation are great for your brain!

2. Prepare

Not all change is foreseeable, but you can make life a lot easier if you prepare when you can. Make decisions that are consistent with what you will be facing. If you need a new outfit in the winter, you’re not going to buy shorts (unless you’re lucky enough to live somewhere warm). Now is a good time to look at the year ahead. What changes are you making and what challenges do you face? If you take the time to examine those things, you can make a plan to better handle the changes.

3. Establish comfort

When you are faced with something new and unknown, find something familiar to hold on to. There is always a way to bring in something you treasure. Often, it’s the little things. You might have a new job, but you can put the same pictures on your desk and listen to the same radio station on your drive to work. Not only is this a chance for you to make things more comfortable, but you might find that your old experiences can add something valuable to your new ones. 

4. Learn to both hold on and let go

When faced with change, we are given the question of what to keep and when to let go. Take some time to consciously think about this. What lets you progress and what is holding you back? You might also find that some things can remain, but in a different form. For instance, you might move somewhere new. You can’t go to your favorite restaurant anymore, but you can find other similar ones. Alternately, you could adapt skills you used in one setting to fit another. 

5. Be flexible and resilient

In terms of psychological health, flexibility and resilience are essential. When you are flexible, you can roll with the punches and take things as they come. This makes change less difficult and upsetting. Resilience helps you get back on track when things don’t go your way, which cuts out a lot of confusion and wasted time. Practice using these qualities in your everyday life. When things don’t go as expected, don’t let it get to you and find ways to adapt.

6. Ask for help and advice

You don’t have to go through change alone. Other people can be a great resource. Seek out both people you trust and people who have gone through changes similar to yours. If you are having trouble adjusting to a pregnancy, talk to other moms and see what helped them. If you are switching schools, see if there’s another new student you can befriend. If nothing else, it can be great to have someone to vent to and use as a sounding board.

7. Find opportunities

You can look at change either as taking something away from you or as something giving you a chance to grow. As they say, when one door closes, another opens. If the change is not one you enjoy, there can be good things that come out of it, even if it’s simply personal growth. You always have a choice in how you react to the changes in your life and if you seek out the best parts, negativity won’t get to you as easily.

What has helped you during times of change? Sound off in the comments. 

7 alternatives to harmful behavior

Mental illness does not just affect our minds and our thoughts. It affects our behavior. There are things that people struggling with mental health will do that helps them feel better, but are actually more damaging in the long run. These include self-injury, substance abuse, eating disordered behaviors, acting out obsessions, lashing out at others and more.

 

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It can be difficult to stay away from harmful behaviors, especially during times of great distress. This is why it is important to have alternate ways of coping. It can take a long time to change harmful behaviors, as they do serve a purpose. As a starting point, though, here are some ideas of what you could do instead of engaging in harmful behavior.

1. Replacement behaviors
If you don't want to engage in a destructive behavior, replace it with something else. People use this strategy all the time to quit smoking by sucking on hard candy, chewing gum or playing with putty to give their hands something to do. In other cases, this could mean drawing on yourself with a red marker instead of cutting or drinking tasty non-alcoholic beverages when you feel the urge to drink. The point is to put something less harmful in the place of the old behavior.

2. Creative expression
You can engage the emotions you are feeling without engaging in the behavior that usually
accompanies it. Try to take that energy that is pushing you towards self-destruction and let it live out another way through using it as fuel for creativity. What does your drug use look like when painted as an animal? What would your eating disorder say if it were a character in a novel about your life? Looking at your behavior from a creative perspective can also help you see things differently, which is a good start for more permanent change.

3. Talk to someone
You don't have to go through tough times alone. If you are worried that you'll engage in harmful behavior, see if you can spend time with someone else. You can talk about what is triggering your desire to engage in the behavior or you can just try to focus on something else now that you're not alone. If you don't have someone to spend time with, see if you can call someone. If there's no one to call, try writing an email to someone you trust. Involving another person can make it easier to resist.

4. Write it out
Written expression can help calm down feelings that surround destructive behaviors. There are many ways you can do this. You can try to process what you are feeling through journaling. You can vent out everything that's causing you distress and tear the paper into as many pieces as you'd like. You can write a letter to bring to your therapist the next session. The point is to communicate instead of act.

5. Distraction
Sometimes, it is better to get your mind on something else. My mother would say that if you're feeling miserable, you might as well clean. If you're able to, you can use the stress you are under to accomplish another task. Not all of us can do that, though, and self-care is an excellent way of distracting. You can use this activity in advance to come up with things to do.

6. Take out your frustration on something inanimate
At times, people feel so much tension, pain, anger and frustration that they can't slow down and do something else. In this case, let the damage be something inanimate, not your body or another person. Sit in your parked car with loud music on and yell at whoever or whatever is causing you problems. Punch a pillow or even your whole mattress. Destry things that won't harm you in a disassembled state (yes on tearing up a pillow; no on breaking glass). Redirecting your emotions allows you to feel catharsis without causing any actual harm.

7. Reward yourself
For some people, having a reward system helps keep dangerous behaviors in check. This can have as much or as little structure as you'd like. It might be a system set up in advance where you have a list of rewards for making it X amount of days without engaging in harmful behavior. It could also be having a secret snack stash or video game that you gain access to only when you are actively controlling your impulses. Some people like having a visual reminder of how long they've made it without those behaviors. You know yourself best, so find what motivates you and use it to stop yourself from doing further harm.


What do you find helps when you feel like engaging in harmful behaviors? Trade tips in the comments.

The importance of self-care

   

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Therapy is hard work. It takes a lot out of you to spend extended periods of time focusing on the most difficult aspects of your life on a regular basis. It’s not hard to burn out while working on particularly intense issues. This is why self-care is essential to recovery. You need to make sure you are in the best place possible in order to move forward in your treatment. 

Self-care is maintaining your health and general well-being. It can take many forms and will be specific to each individual. What matters is that the activity promotes your welfare. If taking a walk in nature makes you feel better, do it. If self-care means the occasional binge-marathon on Netflix, that’s okay, too. There is no right or wrong way to engage in self-care; the only thing that matters is that it works for you.

While you might think that self-care for mental health is only about taking care of your mind, that is not true at all. Taking care of your body is essential, too. Physical health and mental health are very interconnected, so what’s good for one is good for the other. Make sure to exercise, eat healthy foods and get plenty of sleep. Follow your treatment regimens for any physical illnesses you have. 

Make a list of self-care activities so that when you are feeling exhausted, you don’t have to try to come up with something. Keep it on your phone, in your purse, on your refrigerator – wherever you have easy access to it. Make an effort to do something on the list every day. Try new activities, too. You never know when you’ll discover something helpful. 

By regularly practicing self-care, you can avoid future mental health crises. Taking care of yourself as stressors come up means that you won’t have a reservoir of unresolved emotions that flood you all at once when the buildup is too strong. If you are having trouble coming up with self-care ideas, you can talk to your therapist. Together you can come up with a plan for how to take care of you both daily and when a stressor comes up.

Do you practice self-care? How has it helped you? Tell us in the comments.

10 journal prompts to improve relationships

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In the past, we have looked at journal prompts to increase self-reflection. It is a very powerful way to explore yourself and come to a better understanding of who you are. Because this is currently my most popular post of all time, I thought we’d look at some other ideas to write about. This time, we’ll take a look at questions that can help you improve your relationships.

Remember, journaling can also be done visually through drawing, painting, collage and so on. For some examples of art therapy exercises, check this out. You can modify them to fit these prompts.

1. Make a list of the most important people in your life. What do you admire about each of them? 
2. What are nice things that others have done for you? Can you do any of these things for someone else?
3. Pick a relationship you cherish. Write a letter to this person explaining why this relationship is especially important to you. (Sending it is optional.)
4. Think about couple you feel have a loving relationship. What have you observed them doing that you’d like to see in your own relationships?
5. Write about childhood friendships. What positive things did you do as a child that you have lost over the years? 
6. Make a list of traits you have. Next to each of them, list who else in your life has those traits. You might find some new common ground.
7. Who has had the greatest influence on you? Why have these people mattered so much?
8. How can the examples of others help you improve yourself?
9. Have you had a special relationship with a pet? What have you learned from this that can help you be better in your human relationships?
10. What kind of person do you want to be in the context of your relationships (sister, boyfriend, student, etc.)?

What did you discover using these prompts? Do you have any other ones you’d like to share? The comments are open!

Past vs. present

   

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When in the middle of a stressful or triggering situation, it can be easy to let emotions get the best of you. The thing is, those feelings aren’t always connected to the present circumstances. Luckily, there’s a quick way to calm down and see what’s really going on. It’s called past vs. present.

This technique is pretty much what the name suggests: comparing the past and the present. When you are feeling emotionally overwhelmed, take a minute to look back and consider other times you have felt similarly. Then you can tell yourself what is currently different than the past situation. Here are some examples to help you get the point.

You ask out someone that you met at a party and get rejected. This might make you feel upset or confused and lower your self-esteem. When you think of where you’ve felt those feelings before, you realize that it’s how you felt when your ex left you. But in the present, we’re not talking about someone you had made a commitment with. This concerns a relative stranger. Someone you just met should not be allowed to have the same emotional sway as someone you were deeply connected to. You recognize that the current situation does not carry as much weight as the one in the past, so while it’s not fun being let down, it doesn’t have to ruin your day.

You have to give a presentation at work. No matter how much you prepare, you feel anxious and like you are going to mess up. You are afraid you’re going to be made fun of, so you think back and see if you can remember a time that it actually happened. You remember that in junior high, you had to do a presentation, but forgot and had to go in front of the class unprepared. As you stumbled around a topic you didn’t know much about, you could hear snickering and whispers in the room. In the present, however, you are prepared. You know the material and have been practicing what you will say. You don’t have to feel as nervous as you did back then.

Someone you encounter seems to upset you for no reason. You don’t know why you dislike him; others around you might think he’s great. She may never have said or done a single offensive thing to you, but you can’t get rid of your dislike for her. That is when you look back and see who this person reminds you of. Maybe he looks like a mean coach you once had. Maybe she has the same tone of voice your mom had when she was angry. It can also be a matter of position, such as having a bad experience with a doctor and projecting that onto future doctors. Once you can recognize that the person who upset you is actually in the past, you can move forward with the present person.

It can sometimes be a little tricky to find out who or what you are actually dealing with emotionally, but a little reflection can go a long way. Even if you can’t find a person or reason in your past, looking for it might help you realize that the situation is not as bad as it might feel. 

Do you think this technique could be helpful for you? Try it out and come back to tell us how it went.

Make a 5-step safety plan right now

In the midst of a crisis, it’s hard to think clearly and make good decisions. That’s why it’s important to know ahead of times what to do when the going gets tough. A safety plan gives you a template for action when you are feeling suicidal, tempted to self-harm, drawn into addictions, engaging in unhealthy behaviors or feeling self-destructive. 

Having a written safety plan can be a huge help when you’re symptomatic, so let’s make one. One way of doing this is by looking at all the questions surrounding the issue. By using those five Ws, you can pretty quickly explore the many facets of staying safe. Grab a piece of paper or copy the questions into your word processor and finish this post with a safety plan in hand. 

 

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Who can I talk to?

You don’t have to go through tough times alone. Write down the people in your support system who are good listeners and who know how to make you feel better. Include their addresses, phone numbers and/or email addresses just in case you don’t have access to that information. Put a suggestion by each name stating what this person can be helpful for, like “Call my boyfriend to hear why I am loved,” or “Visit my mom to get advice.” 

What can I do to feel better?

Think about difficult times in the past and try to identify what, exactly, you were feeling and maybe even what caused those feelings. By identifying what’s setting you off, you can better find ways to manage it. Write a list of your most common triggers and a healthy way to deal with each one. This might look like “When I feel scared to go outside, I can have someone come with me,” or “When I am disappointed, I can create a gratitude list.”

When do I need to seek help?

Know your limits. Create a guide showing what to do at the different stages you might escalate through. This takes away the decision making element that can be overwhelming when you are upset. It could look something like this: “Feeling sad: Go for a walk. Wanting to hurt myself: Spend time around friends. Engaged in self-injury: Care for my wounds, then do something nice for myself. Feeling suicidal: E-mail my therapist. Actively suicidal: Call a suicide hotline or 911.”

Where can I go?

Sometimes a change of scenery can make all the difference. Make a list of places that you enjoy or that are helpful to you. While still being safe, make sure you have options for both day and night, even if it’s just a different room in the house. Some places you might want to consider are the homes of loved ones, support groups, your favorite park, a local coffee shop, the library, a scenic route for driving or even your own backyard.

Why should I not do this?

Make a list of all the reasons acting on your impulses aren’t a good idea. Acknowledge the negative consequences, but make sure to also stay positive. Having something worth not giving in for is really helpful. This could range from “I want to keep my body healthy,” to “I want to reach three months without this behavior,” or simply, “I deserve to be happy.” If you need help getting started, a list of reasons to recover can be found here.

Keep copies of your safety plan in accessible places, like in your purse, wallet, backpack, car, nightstand, comfort box and on your phone. You can also give them to people you trust who will notice when you are having a tough time so that they’ll have a guide for how to best help you. If you haven’t already been following along, I really suggest you do this. Having a safety plan is invaluable when you are in the midst of being symptomatic. It’s a lot easier to think of things now than in the moment.

What did you include in your safety plans? Is something important missing? Make suggestions in the comments.

5 paths to self-discovery

One of the primary purposes of therapy is to learn more about yourself. This process of self-discovery allows you to understand what’s going on with you, which then leads to better decisions that create a happier life. But finding out who you are doesn’t have to be limited to an hour a week. There are other ways to discover new things about yourself.

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1. Make a timeline

Using a poster board (or just lots of paper taped together), create a timeline of your life. Include major events (starting kindergarten, first boy/girlfriend, death of grandparent), but also changes in who you are (depressive episodes, discovering hobbies, learning the importance of self-care). Alternately, you can have a sheet of paper for every year of your life. If you put this in a binder, you can add to it as time goes on. You can even use pictures. As you look through your timeline, you can discover patterns in your life or connections you would not otherwise have made. For instance, did your anxiety start at the same time you switched schools? This, and the rest of your timeline, is useful information to share with your therapist.

2. Meditation/spiritual practice

We all try to get a sense of how we, as individuals, connect to the larger “whole” of humanity and the universe. Many people find this meaning in spiritual practices. No matter what your belief system is, it can help you discover purpose within your life. Meditation is one practice that can be applied across religions (or the lack thereof). The concentration required for meditation opens your mind up to new insights and ideas. Other spiritual practices – such as prayer, worship or talking to a religious leader – can also be profound ways to learn about yourself.

3. Trying new things

Remember when you were a kid and something on your plate looked gross and you didn’t want to eat it? A parent probably told you that you don’t know you don’t like it until you try it. This principle can be very widely applied. You don’t know how you’ll feel about new activities and experiences until you have actually attempted them. Finding new interests through exploration and experimentation lets you discover parts of you that you didn’t even know were there. Alternately, if something doesn’t resonate with you, that says something about you, too. Do something you would not normally do. Go see a play in the park, try your hand at tennis or go to a foreign restaurant to see if, yes, you like it because you tried it. 

4. Journaling

Writing can be a very powerful tool of self-discovery. The process of putting words on paper brings up things you didn’t know were there, allowing new information about yourself to surface. It also gives you a record throughout time, allowing you to see how you’ve progressed in your thinking and your recovery. It is a mindful and in-depth form of looking at things. Journaling can be done in many ways. You can do it freestyle where you just go with whatever comes along or you can work with prompts. A list of them can be found here. 

5. Ask questions

Children learn more content in a shorter amount of time than adults do. That is, in part, because kids ask so many questions. As we get older, we like to think we have things figured out, but embracing that you don’t know everything will ultimately make you wiser. Ask yourself questions about yourself, the people around you and larger issues. Why is your favorite color the one it is? Why do people tend to cut conversations short with you? How do you feel about sending people to prison? By actually examining yourself and the world around you, you get a fuller understanding of who you are, what matters to you, what you believe in, what your priorities are, who you want to become and so on. 

How do you learn more about yourself? Tell your self-discovery stories in the comments.

25 reasons to recover

On tough days, it’s important to remember why you are working on your recovery at all. When steeped in negativity, it’s hard to think of what you have to gain. But it is important that you do. Motivation and hope can get people through a lot. 

So what keeps you going? I suggest that you make a list of reasons why you want to recover. There is always something. Even if your list has a single item, you can turn to that one reason you have when you are feeling discouraged. You can do your list all at once and add to it as you think of new ones, or you can decide to write down one a day for as long as you can. To get started, here are 25 examples.

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1. So you can feel confident in your own skin.
2. To truly be there for your loved ones.
3. To understand yourself better.
4. So you don’t have to worry about keeping up appearances. 
5. To think more clearly.
6. So you don’t have to be scared of going outside.
7. To be a more empathetic person.
8. So you can get out of bed in the morning with a smile on your face.
9. So you’re not afraid of food.
10. Because you deserve the best life you can live.
11. To be honest when you say, “Fine,” when others ask how you are.
12. So you can wear whatever you want without being uncomfortable.
13. To show your loved ones that you care about them.
14. So you don’t always compare yourself to others.
15. To concentrate better.
16. So you can actually enjoy celebrations. 
17. To feel motivated and inspired.
18. To improve your physical health.
19. To become a more accepting person.
20. So your dreams can become realities.
21. To show others that it is possible.
22. To feel like life is worthwhile.
23. Because you believe in second chances.
24. To show that you love yourself.
25. Simply do it because you can.

What are your reasons? Add to the list in the comments.

5 habits that promote mental health

Mental health is not something you are born with or without. It is something that can be impacted by as many different things as your physical health can. We might take vitamins and get flu shots to protect our bodies, but do we offer the same level of care to our mind? Here are some habits that can help your mental and emotional health.

1. Take care of your body

Your mind and your body interact on a constant basis. What you do to one will surely affect the other. That’s why taking care of your body is essential. Consult your doctor to find out what is best for you, but here are some general guidelines. Eat appropriate amounts of healthy food on a regular basis. Ideally, you should do moderate exercise for half an hour five times a week. But anything helps, even five minutes of stretching. Work your way up to it. And make sure you get enough sleep. Every body is different, but some research indicates that 7 hours is optimal.

    

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2. Learn new things

If you don’t stretch your mind, how do you expect to keep it in shape? Your brain needs the occasional challenge and learning is a great way to do this. Learning new things promotes qualities such as confidence, happiness, self-efficacy, independence and wisdom. Keeping the mind active can stave off some of the effects of age-related cognitive problems. While it’s fun and comforting to do things you already enjoy, learning something new has an even greater effect on your mind. Learn to cook Thai food, paint with watercolors, restore cars, woodwork or take on a new language. This last one is especially great for mental growth.

3. Reduce stress

Stress is unavoidable. Some amount of it is healthy because it helps us get things done, but having too much can have negative consequences for your mental health. There are many studies supporting this. So find ways to reduce the load. If your child is having a birthday party and you’re trying to clean the house, decorate, make treat bags and bake a cake, maybe you should just buy a cake at the store. If you have overwhelming work responsibilities, see if you can delegate some duties to someone else. For some tips on managing stress, read this.

4. Engage in self-care

Life is so full of demands that sometimes we forget to just slow down and assess what we actually need. When you feel scared, overwhelmed, frustrated, in pain or otherwise having a difficult time, stop and ask yourself what you actually need. Commit to act on it. If you need to slow things down, try some grounding techniques. If you are hungry, grab a snack. If you feel lonely, call up a friend. Something inside of you always knows what you need and you need to learn to listen to that part of you. It’s best to take care of how you’re feeling before it develops into something bigger.

5. Ask for help

Sometimes we think that we should be able to handle everything life throws at us. But the truth is, humans are social creatures for a reason. We need each other. So when you are depressed, overwhelmed, anxious, distracted or otherwise having problems, it’s okay to ask for help. This can involve anything from going to therapy to having a neighborhood kid mow your lawn for you. What matters is that you’re not going through your struggles alone. Besides, connecting with other people is good in and of itself. And you never know when you might be helping someone else simply by being in touch.

What healthy mental health habits do you have? Leave other suggestions in the comments.

The isolation of mental illness

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Mental illness can be a very lonely experience. It can feel like what applies to the rest of the world gets turned on its head when it comes to you. When others ask questions like, “Why didn’t you come to the party?” or “Why haven’t you finished your assignment?” it can be hard to come up with answers that are both understandable and that protect your dignity. It’s hard to find words to describe what permeates your life and makes you feel separate from everyone else.

I wish I could say that people are generally understanding and that if you just say it how it is, you’ll get an empathetic response and an offer of help. The truth is, people are generally uncomfortable talking about mental illness. This societal silence perpetuates the feelings of isolation that mental illness can create.

Still, mental illness affects everyone, whether through experience or indirectly through others in their lives. With one in four Americans struggling with mental illness in any given year, everyone knows someone. It is, however, for the most part an “invisible illness” and people learn to hide their symptoms so no one knows anything is wrong. But it’s still there. 

The next time you sit in a meeting, classroom or other group situation, start counting off one in four people. Now take that group and expand. Remember, the one in four figure is for any given year. Some people have recovered from a past mental illness and others will experience it in the future. Seeing how common it is in this way can be an eye-opener. It’s a lot more prevalent than it seems when you’re lying in bed at 3:00 p.m. and wondering what’s wrong with you since “everyone else” can move on with their days. 

   

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But knowing you are not alone and feeling isolated are not mutually exclusive. While you might theoretically know that others are struggling, too, it’s not like people show up to work saying, “I didn’t come in yesterday because I had a really bad panic attack,” like they say, “I didn’t show up because I had the flu.” Mental illness is surrounded by so much stigma and perceived shame that it’s hard to talk about.

If you want to change the conversation and help others understand how mental illness impacts everyone, that’s great. Just take care of yourself while you do so. As a starting point, here is an article on how to tell others you have a mental illness. If you’d rather avoid the topic, that’s okay, too. It’s your right to decide how much you want to talk about your condition, if you want to talk about it at all.

One thing that can help you feel less alone is through entertainment. Finding stories of others we can relate to can be cathartic and empowering. There are lots of mental health memoirs that focus on specific conditions, so you can surely find one for yours. For instance, there’s Prozac Nation for depression and Girl, Interrupted about borderline personality disorder. There are so many more if you just search for them. There are also fictional stories of mental illness, as well as more technical books. (I’ve compiled a list of books that help you learn more about your condition.) Movies that address mental health topics abound, too, like these Oscar-winning best picture films.

There are also online communities that can offer support. For instance, HealthyPlace has a variety of forums addressing different conditions. Another cool site is PatientsLikeMe, where in addition to having access to forums, you can track your symptoms. Everyone’s data is used to come up with helpful information. It covers a lot of medical conditions, but there’s a section for mental health concerns. Be aware, though, that these groups are for support only. They are not a replacement for a doctor or a therapist. Simple symptom management tips and sympathetic stories are great, but you should not use forums to resolve more serious issues.

Remember that mental health issues are just as much a part of the human experience as anything else. It can feel isolating, but you are by no means alone. You can choose to seek out others who share your experience, or you can just comfort yourself with the knowledge that what you are experiencing is, in its own way, normal. How you approach your condition is entirely up to you, but always know that you aren’t broken, you aren’t weird, you aren’t crazy and you aren’t alone.

What do you do when your mental illness makes you feel alone? Share feedback in the comments.

9 things you need to believe in order to heal

Healing from mental illness is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. It’s a scary process and you never know if you’re going to relapse. But a lot of it is about attitude and belief. Here are some of the things you need to believe if you want to recover from mental illness.

1. It is possible to heal.

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There is very little point in trying to recover if you do not believe it is possible. Not believing it sets up a major barrier that makes progress in treatment minimal at best. Belief in the method of healing is essential to recovery. Take the placebo effect. If a pill that does nothing can make some people better because they believe it is something else, then believing in your actual treatment is going to be fruitful.

2. It is okay for it to take time.

At the start of therapy, people usually want to know how long it is going to take. Some people even expect everything to be solved in a single session. The truth is, it’s going to take however long it’s going to take. The average is 8-12 sessions, but that number is, in a lot of ways, completely meaningless. Whatever you need is how long it’s going to take and that’s okay.

3. It is normal to take a step back.

Recovery isn’t a straightforward trajectory towards wellness. There are ups and downs. You will get worse before you get better. And even when you do get better, you’ll still have bad days/weeks/months. The thing with setbacks is that they actually make you stronger than you were before. You may feel like you overcome it to end up in the same place, but you’ll have grown even more.

4. You are worthy of love no matter where you’re at.

Measuring our self-worth is often done by looking at our output. How well do we do in school? How much money do we make? What kind of significant other have we won over? Mental illness can affect one’s ability to produce, but it doesn’t affect self-worth. You’re just dealing with a different set of characteristics. Now your courage in facing your disorder, determination to get better and willingness to comply with treatment set you apart.

5. Others will support you if you let them.

There are others who will want to help you. And if they’re not already in your life, you will be able to find them. I spent so many years trying to recover without letting others really be there for me. I thought I had to do it myself. You don’t. Once I started letting other people in, I’ve made tremendous progress. I don’t have a big social network, but even one person supporting you makes a difference.

6. Your treatment team can help you.

Research has shown that believing in the ability of your therapist to help you improves therapy outcomes. That’s why sending someone to therapy who doesn’t believe in it or who isn’t ready is pretty useless. If you don’t entirely trust your specific therapist, look for someone else. It is critical that you have faith in those who are helping you. (Here’s a list of questions to ask potential therapists.)

7. Things are always changing.

Don’t give up on yourself because you believe you’ve exhausted every option. The world is in constant flux and your circumstances are changing all the time. There are always new treatments, new research, new therapists, new medications, new friendships, new hobbies, new everything. The belief in change is also helpful when you’re having a setback because you know it won’t last forever.

8. You are not an exception.

I spent a lot of years thinking that there was something so terribly wrong with me that I wasn’t going to get better. I put forth all my best effort with minimal results. I just thought that I was someone who couldn’t get better and that the most we could do is not make things worse. It took six and a half years of therapy to find a crucial component that turned things around. But we found it. You will find it, too, eventually.

9. It will be worth it.

Mental illness changes the way you view the future. It can be very hard to see yourself living the life you want. The truth is, things might not work out the way you’d like. I’ve worked on my undergraduate degree for eight years and still don’t know if or when I’ll get it. But I’m learning to appreciate any progress. I don’t have a lot of relationships in my life, but the ones I do have really matter. There are a few things I enjoy doing that I didn’t know about before. You have to believe that you’ll find something worthwhile, even if it isn’t exactly what you planned.

What beliefs have helped you in your recovery? Add your thoughts in the comments.

Eliminating negative self-talk

     

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Your mental illness can be a very powerful voice in your head. It doesn’t literally have to be a voice, though sometimes it is. It is whatever is inside of you that tells you things that make your symptoms worse and hinder your recovery. It might be saying something like this:

• You are worthless.
• The world is dangerous.
• You don’t deserve love and attention.
• Others are laughing at you.
• Your body is flawed.
• There’s no point in trying.
• You have to engage in unhealthy behaviors.

It can be hard to challenge these thoughts because they are coming from within. They appear to be your truth. But just because it’s in your head doesn’t mean it’s actually you. These thoughts might actually be from someone else or they might be a result of psychopathology.

Thoughts can be left over from what others have said or implied by their actions. We all have those things someone said to us once that we believed and of which we never let go. I haven’t felt confident singing since my junior high choir teacher told me I couldn’t. I’ve also never looked at my body the same way since someone I once dated told me to lose weight. That doesn’t mean those things are true. I can probably sing well enough to not seriously embarrass myself. What
                                                                                     someone else thinks my body should look like is actually irrelevant. 

But at some point, these people held credibility for us. What they thought mattered because we gave them that power. With effort, we can take it back. Recognize that these original messages might have been off-hand and not really meant. Other times, people might have been deliberately cruel. There can even be some level of truth to what was said. What matters is how you choose to respond. I can tell myself that how I sound doesn’t really matter because I’m not a professional singer. I can also tell myself that my ex was just plain wrong for criticizing my body. Challenging these thoughts can be hard, but the more you do it, the more you believe it. It might take years, but that’s better than giving these people space in our heads.

Other negative thoughts are not the voices of others, but a result of a mental illness. No one knows how mental illnesses work. But they do affect our thoughts. Depression might tell us that life isn’t worth living. Obsessive-compulsive disorder can tell us to engage in ritualistic behavior to prevent bad things from happening. Anxiety tells us that it’s safer to be scared. 

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These thoughts are invasions in our heads. They are foreign to who we really are. That’s why we call their speakers illnesses. They do not belong in us any more than cancerous cells do. You have to believe that what your mental illness says is not what you actually are. You can choose who you are.

That is not an easy task. It takes a lot of effort and it won’t get better overnight. One thing you might want to do is incorporate affirmations into your life. You can read about how to do that here. You can also ask yourself if the thoughts actually make sense. By challenging them, you lessen their power. Even if you don’t believe the challenge, the fact that you are doing it means that you are at least willing to consider that the thoughts might not be true. That’s somewhere to start.

Sometimes, we can’t work through these thoughts on our own. If they are causing you distress or interfering with your life, talk to a therapist. They know strategies to help you change. It might be helpful if, between sessions, you write down all the negative self-talk you catch. Bring your list to therapy, as this will give your therapist an idea of where you’re at and how you can be helped.

You don’t have to be a victim to your own mind. Remember, considering that you might be wrong is the first step. Fill your life with positive things to give the negative thoughts some competition. Recognize that the harmful self-talk is not a part of who you truly are. You are a strong, capable person who can take back your mind from negativity, no matter how long it takes.

How do you reduce negative self-talk? Share your tips in the comments.

Learning about your diagnosis

It can be overwhelming to be diagnosed with a mental illness. Your diagnosis could be something you have lots of preconceived notions about or something you have never heard of before. Either way, it's normal to have a desire to learn more about your now-named condition.

The go-to source these days is the Internet. You can certainly get a lot of information this way, but not all of it is good information. Start with reputable sites like WebMD or The Mayo Clinic. These will give you a general idea of what you are dealing with. For more in-depth information, look up organizations and foundations associated with your condition. For example, for mood disorders, there’s the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance and for trauma survivors there’s the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies. For information on mental illness in general, visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

  

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If you are looking for support online, try joining a forum either specific to your disorder or that caters to those with mental illness in general. Two examples are HealthyPlace and PsychCentral. Social networking sites like Tumblr are a bit more disorganized, but have communities that discuss recovery and give support. Be cautious when it comes to seeking support online, though. You are not talking with professionals. People aren’t always who they claim to be, either. If you have any serious concerns, talk to a professional. But if you are simply looking for people who can relate to what you’re struggling with and offer suggestions of what symptom management skills work for them, then the Internet is a great place to find that.

Books can offer more in-depth information than you will find online. Because books have to be accepted by publishers and go through an extensive editing process, they tend to be more reliable than a random website. Look for works written by experts in the field. If anything strikes you while reading – whether positive or negative – bring it up with your therapist. It might turn out to be either something that does not apply to you or a great starting point for a productive conversation. I will post a list of books relating to various conditions tomorrow.

One of the most important sources for information, however, is your therapist. She not only knows about your condition, but knows how it manifests in you specifically. This is invaluable. Ask as many questions as you need to about your diagnosis. You’re not bothering your therapist; in fact, he might appreciate that you are taking an interest in your mental health and are willing to engage in treatment. Therapists can also offer other resources like books or local support groups.

Being proactive in your treatment will help you get better faster. Learning about your diagnosis is one way to do this. It will give you a better grasp on what your are dealing with. Knowing that what you have is not unique and that there are others who are dealing with similar struggles can be very comforting. Just take it at your own pace.

What have you found helpful in learning about your diagnosis? Tell us in the comments.

Preparing for the real s-word – stress

To state the obvious, stress is inevitable. I'm not going to be patronizing by trying to explain what it is because you know best what it is like for you. Besides, there's loads of information out there. But there is one aspect of this topic that I would like to discuss: stress management. While a therapist can be helpful in this pursuit, there is also a lot you can do for yourself.

It is very important to have a plan ahead of time to deal with stress. When you're in the middle of a crisis or a panic attack, it's not going to be easy to come up with good ideas for managing your symptoms. It's very basic but ultimately valuable to have a list of coping mechanisms. What helps you feel better? Write it down. Keep a copy at home and in your purse or wallet. Put it on your phone. Sometimes having a more tangible reminder that things will be okay is helpful.

(This technique also works well for depression and other challenges. Adapt this as needed.)

These lists don't have to sound like a manual for Buddhist monks or a pitch from an overly optimistic presenter. The more individually relevant your list is, the better. Just as an example, my list of stress-reducing actions include the following:

• Cooking and baking
• Playing with my kitty
• Watching distracting movies
• Engaging in hobbies like amateur astronomy and painting
• Finding small steps to help overcome the problem I am facing
• Listening to music that mitigates my feelings
• Sleeping

Other common strategies include:

• Meditation, guided imagery, self-hypnosis and other relaxation techniques
• Quality time with loved ones
• Looking at the situation humorously
• Being productive (cleaning the house, completing homework, doing taxes, etc.)
• Prayer and other spiritual practices 
• Exercise (everything from running to yoga)
• Spending time in nature

It's important, of course, to not ignore or distract too much from legitimate concerns. Identify the cause of your stress and address it as well as you can when you have the chance. If you are anxious because of a work presentation the next day, not working on it can very well increase your stress. But if you are waiting for the results of a medical test, it is beyond your control and it's probably best to relax during the time of anticipation.  If you have no idea of why you are anxious, try to de-stress enough to where you can better assess potential causes.

For those who are interested in learning more about relaxation and meditation techniques, specifically mindfulness-based stress reduction, the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn is definitely worth looking at. He is a respected authority in the field by professionals and laypersons alike. His book Wherever You Go, There You Are is an accessible bestseller. He has also recorded an instructional CD that includes meditative guidance, Guided Mindfulness Meditation.

What helps you relax and reduce stress? Also, how do you identify your stressors? Please share your thoughts in the comments.