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                                                                                                                    Hi, everyone!

You may have noticed that I haven't been posting as regularly as I used to. I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing well, but am very busy because I'm in the middle of starting my own business. It's very exciting, but a lot of work and that has given me less time to spend on personal projects. I am going to try to keep doing sporadic posts when I can, but it will be a little while before I can give this blog the attention it deserves.

Thank you for your patience at this exciting time in my life.

Best wishes,


                                                                                                                   Lindsey

7 reasons I speak up about mental health

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I grew up with a perception of mental health that was skewed in the way I assume it is for a lot of people. I thought you had to be really crazy to see a therapist. I believed that you either did or you didn’t have a mental illness and it didn’t occur to me that it’s really a spectrum that everyone is on. I reckoned that I probably knew a few people with some kind of “mild” mental illness, but didn’t know that one in four Americans struggles with a mental illness in any given year (NAMI). 

Boy, was I wrong about a lot of things. But I didn’t know that until I sought treatment myself and had years of experience in the therapeutic environment. As my progress with mental health increased, I also took classes on psychology in order to better understand what was going on both with myself and with others. And here I am, running a blog about the very topic that I so deeply misunderstood when I was younger.

So what changed for me to go from a stigmatized and uninformed perception to being a voice for the mentally ill? There are a few major factors.

1. I was so confused and even hurt by the mental health system that I didn’t want anyone else to have to navigate it alone and uninformed. I am empathetic and I truly just want to make this process easier for even just one person. 

2. I heard the stories of others. Whether through reading, classes or conversations, I learned about other people with struggles similar to my own. I realized that I am not alone and that when I speak up for myself, I am also standing up for a whole invisible community.

3. I realized that the mentally ill are underrepresented in society at large. Because there is so much stigma, people don’t always speak up. But silence will not change things and I feel like it’s the right path for me to be vocal about this topic. 

4. I was sick of hiding who I am. Trying to keep up a front of everything being okay was exhausting and just made me feel even worse. While I had a lot of fear about being open, everyone who is close to me now knows that I struggle with mental illness and have (eventually) been great in their responses.

5. I want to do my duty as a citizen. They say that when letters and phone calls are being made to politicians, they estimate that each person speaking up represents over 1000 people who feel the same way. I want to bring another 1000 people’s struggles to attention.

6. I want to live in a world where I can say I have a mental illness the same way others can say they have diabetes or a broken leg. I don’t want a negative, judgmental, uninformed and awkward response. I want the same courtesy and sympathy that is given to those with physical illnesses.

7. I don’t want my mental health issues to be meaningless. These are the cards I have been dealt and I choose to play them in a way that can bring hope and healing to others. 

I acknowledge that it’s a difficult topic to speak about and that not everyone wants to do so. I didn’t either, for a long time. That changed and now this is a large part of who I am.

But you don’t have to create a whole blog to be a part of the conversation. Even a single post on your blog draws attention to the topic. Today is Mental Health Month Blog Day, sponsored by the American Psychological Association. If you submit your post about mental health here today, it will be added to a list along with other people’s posts. Even if you don’t submit anything, check it out to see other people’s contributions. The more informed you are, the better you will be able to address the topic of mental health both personally and publicly.

Why do you speak up about mental health? Or what stops you from doing so? Join the discussion in the comments.

Taking risks in therapy

   

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We all have something that we don’t like to talk about. While therapy is an appropriate setting to explore these issues, we sometimes hold back on certain things — even in that context — out of fear. “Will I sound crazy?” “Will I be believed?” “What will my therapist think of me?” “What are the consequences of saying this?” “Will my therapist think less of me?“ These questions and more prevent us from being completely open in our treatment. 

But if you never take risks, you won’t progress when it comes to those issues. In fact, they may become worse as feelings of shame, embarrassment, guilt, hostility and unworthiness fester inside of you. The fact that you won’t talk about the topic becomes an issue in and of itself. 

The first obstacle you need to pass is trusting your therapist. You can read more about that here. In short, developing a strong therapeutic alliance in a safe relationship allow you to be more open. Keep in mind the ways in which your therapist has been trustworthy in the past. If you remind yourself of these things, opening up might not seem quite as impossible.

Still, even with trust, it can be hard to explore certain topics. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to talk about a series of events that happened a few years ago. I had been seeing the same therapist I’m seeing now at the time these things happened and my irrational fear was that I’d remember things wrong and become discredited. But I have yet to find a way around those fears. So what could I do?

It got to a point where my only options seemed to be to keep quiet and never heal or to take a risk and see what happened. After years of deliberation, I decided to just go for it and see what would happen. For me, that meant telling the story regardless of my fears. So I did. 

I was not prepared for how well that went. At first, I addressed my concerns about how he might remember things differently than I did. I asked my therapist to not go back and read his notes from the time in question and he agreed to follow my request. This removed a lot of pressure. 

It’s going to take a while to get through everything. And that’s okay. Breaking the larger story into smaller segments allows me to do a little each week. This way I get insight into each part, which helps me understand the larger context at play. While the content is very difficult and, at times, triggering, I’m feeling better about myself and am more realistic about my role in those events.

Jumping in is not always the solution, but I’m pretty sure that at this point in the post, you have a specific issue or situation in mind. Test the waters. See what happens. Be honest about your concerns. You can discuss them before you get to the actual content. But when you’re ready, opening up despite fear can be extremely healing. I know it has been for me.

What risks have you taken in therapy? How did it work out? Tell us about it in the comments.

Some thoughts on recovery

Today I’m going to get a little more personal than I normally do. I’ve been thinking about where I’m at in my recovery, where I’m heading and what I’ve learned. From this, I have a few things I’d like to say.

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We all know life isn’t fair. Mental illness is one of those unfair things. Whether it’s caused by nature, nurture or something else, mental illness infringes on our lives in a way that is disruptive and even paralyzing. The things we want to experience and accomplish can seem so far out of reach. Hope can be elusive, but it’s important to believe it’s there.

There are times when I’ve spent months in bed. Other times, I only spent long mornings in bed. Now, I can get up just fine most days. What changed? A million little things. I have had a lot of therapy. I got on the right medications. I have done work on trauma I’ve experienced. I regulated my sleep cycle. I make sure to eat enough. I actively seek out things that keep my interest. I slowed down with school. I cut out negative influences in my life. I’ve worked to better my
relationships. I even got cats. 

So is recovery easy? By no means. All that had to happen simply for me to get out of bed before lunch. If that much and more was required to make that one change, how long is it going to take to do other things? 

The truth is, my whole life. Mental illness can and does go into remission, but you still have to work to stay as healthy as you can. I could say that things are “good enough,” but I think that would be selling myself short. To be honest, I’m not happy with myself unless I am working to heal and become a better person. 

And that is one thing I think mental illness can do: It can make you more motivated to grow and become strong. Recovery teaches you the skills to be healthier, which can be applied beyond reaching a baseline “okay.” As much as not having mental illness would have changed my life for the better in many ways, it would also rob me of some of my strengths. I wouldn’t be as resilient. I wouldn’t place such a high value on good relationships. I wouldn’t know how to handle a crisis. I wouldn’t be as grateful. I wouldn’t be able to run this blog and try to make treatment easier for someone else. 

I wish I knew a better way to express how much each and every good choice you make is significant progress. I don’t know that I’d listen to myself a few years ago. But it ended up adding up. It took a long time, but my life is on track to be what I want it to be. Not all my aspirations will come true, but I’ve made new ones that are realistic to me and my condition. 

I’ve been reflecting about why I run this blog at all. I really, really want my readers to believe that recovery is possible. Not only is it possible, but it’s something you can do. There will come a day when you’ll say, “It was worth it to keep trying.” It might even happen when you least expect it. You are meant to live a good and happy life. You have a right to achieve that. If you do ten things wrong today, the one thing you did right still matters. Those “one thing”s add up eventually.

Have you made progress? Do you have hope you will? Give us your thoughts in the comments.

Young adults getting help

I was recently interviewed for an article by Nicole Pasulka on takepart.com. She’s done a great job covering the challenges that young adults today face in getting help with mental health concerns. This is an important topic because, as she writes,

“People between the ages of 18 and 30, often known as millennials, are more likely to be diagnosed with mental illnesses like depression, schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder, and less likely to seek treatment. Three quarters of all mental health conditions have emerged by the time the person is 24 years old.”

She touches on a lot of relevant issues concerning seeking treatment, so I recommend checking it out. The article is called “How These Millennials Realized It Was Time to Get Help” and you can read it here.

Mental health myths: Am I crazy enough?

Mental health concerns come with a lot of misunderstandings and there is plenty of misinformation out there. That’s why I like to tackle mental health myths from time to time. Today, let’s look at some thoughts about seeking treatment.

Myth: If I see a therapist, I’m crazy.

Fact: There are lots of “non-crazy” reasons to seek help.

   

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Somewhere in their heads, people set an imaginary standard for what the threshold should be for seeking mental health treatment. People come up with an idea of what they think is “bad enough.” One of the unfortunate consequences of this is that it makes people assume that someone who is in treatment meets their criteria for what they believe a mental health patient is. This is often not the case.

An acute crisis or severe symptoms definitely warrant treatment. But these are not the only reasons to seek it. It’s completely normal to go to a therapist if you are experiencing mild or moderate distress. This is, in fact, a good thing. By working on your problems before they get magnified with time saves you a lot of effort in the long run. 

It’s kind of like getting a headache. You notice that you’re hurting, but think that it’ll pass. As the day goes on, it gets worse and worse. Finally, you take some ibuprofen. But because the headache has set in more deeply at this point, it might be that no amount of pills makes it go away. You just may not feel better until after you sleep it off. Ultimately, you prolong your pain by not taking preventative action when your discomfort was tolerable. 

The same goes for staying in treatment after you start feeling better. There is no pressure to terminate until you are ready. You don’t have to stop just because you’re mostly doing better. Maintenance is important. My symptoms are not nearly as bad as they have been in the past, but I’m still in treatment because I don’t want to go back there. You might want to reduce the frequency of your sessions when you have made significant progress, but that is something to discuss with your therapist. Together you can make a decision on that.

Some people feel like they have to “earn” the right to be in therapy. They think that they don’t deserve treatment because they aren’t psychotic, don’t have a history of trauma or can cope reasonably well with their lives. The thing is, you don’t have to be a certain way to deserve help. The only prerequisite is a desire to improve your life. 

Honestly, you don’t even have to have problems to be in therapy. Plenty of people go for self-improvement. Some examples include learning to develop better relationships, finding greater fulfillment in your life, learning more about yourself and so on. You just can’t make assumptions about why people are in therapy.

In short, you don’t have to have hallucinations or be so depressed you can’t get out of bed for months before seeing a therapist. If you feel like therapy is or would be helpful for you, go for it. Likewise, don’t pass judgment on anyone else for seeking help. They don’t know your circumstances and you don’t know theirs. There is no template for what someone in treatment looks like. 

What beliefs have you had about yourself because you’re in treatment? How did you work through them? Talk about it in the comments.

Honoring large-scale trauma

Trigger warning: This post gives a general overview of a traumatic event and the aftermath.

This will be an opinion post. 

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Today I’d like to talk about something very personal. But first, you need to know a little about me. My mom is American while my dad is Norwegian. We lived in Norway until I was a teenager, when we moved to the U.S. I identify with both cultures and, yes, I still speak Norwegian.

This July 22 is the three-year anniversary of a tragedy in Norway. A man set off a bomb in the government district of Oslo, killing eight. He then proceeded to massacre 69 people at a youth camp on the island of Utøya where escape was near impossible. These attacks severely injured several more. This has been called Norway’s 9/11, though for the sake of this post I will not make comparisons between the two.

One thing that makes this attack particularly heartbreaking is how widespread the effects were. It was a political camp for teenagers and young adults. The average age of those who died there was 19. But they weren’t all locals. There were representatives from all over the country attending the camp. This spread out the effects because every community had young people who either never came home or came back changed for life. This lead to a deep, nation-wide sorrow.

That event, its aftermath and the anniversary every year has been hard on me. There is research that suggests that high levels of media exposure of a traumatic event can cause secondary effects. I have, at times, been glued to my computer reading and watching news about it. Empathizing with those in a tragedy is normal and healthy, but the level of pain I felt was magnified with every detail I learned. I have had to seek help for this. And that’s okay.

Last night, after noting the timezones placed Norway in July 22, I got very upset. I was at my boyfriend’s apartment and he listened to me talk and cry. When I had done this for a while, he had an idea. He is Latino, so cultural differences do come up in our relationship. He asked how Norwegians mourned. The first thing that came to mind was flowers. After the attacks, unbelievable amounts of flowers were placed at sites related to the attacks. Other cities created places to put them, too. And there were gatherings where everyone brought roses.

When I told him this, he suggested I get roses and put them in places that are significant to me. I thought about it overnight and have come up with a small list. After posting this, I am going to go and buy a half-dozen white roses and commence the process of distributing them. This idea is helping me make peace with this day. I am still upset, but it’s a little more tolerable now that I have a way to express my experience.

There are three things I hoped to convey with this post:

1. Even if you aren’t directly involved, traumatic events can legitimately have an effect on you. If they are affecting you, bring it up with your therapist. It’s okay that it’s not about you.

2. When bad things happen, support can be found in communities. The community you’re in might be as small as your family; it’s connection and sharing the impact that’s important.

3. Everyone has different ways of mourning and it is healthy for you to find your own way to handle grief. It can be in line with a culture or uniquely your own. The important thing is that you express your feelings appropriately.

The sad truth is that every day, intense violence affects people all over the world. Some places see it more than others. When something impacts you, whether directly, indirectly or through exposure, you need to find a way to manage your feelings. It’s okay to reach out. It’s also okay to privately and personally do what you need to do to find peace.

I’d like to end with something Stine Renate Håheim, one of the survivors at Utøya, said after the events: 

“If one man can show so much hate, think of how much love we could show together.”

Have hope – it will change

  

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Mental illness has a way of trapping you into thinking that you are stuck in it forever. A depressed person doesn’t lay in bed for three weeks and say, “Two more and I’m good.” Someone doesn’t think, “I’ll have five more panic attacks and then I’m done.” It’s pervasive. And even if you can logically convince yourself that it isn’t going to last forever, it’s hard to believe it enough to get the accompanying feeling of relief. It’s like a kid the week before Christmas. It drags on forever. 

The point is, though, that it isn’t forever. Like I said, it’s hard to believe. Really hard. But it’s true. There is an end to it. Even if you are suffering from a lifelong condition, the way it manifests will change. There will be variation. The pain you are feeling won’t feel the same way for the rest of your days. 

There is always change. If you aren’t changing, the world around you is. You might not be capable of changing yourself at the moment. That’s okay. Some days/weeks/months/years/decades are like that. But others aren’t. An acquaintance might transform into a good friend. A family member might have a burst of inspiration that results in him being more helpful. Your therapist can learn something new about your diagnosis and apply it to your treatment. You have to believe in change.

Change happens on larger scales, too. Psychologists do studies to find out which treatments are more effective and why. Scientists invent new medications. People learn to become more sensitive to mental health issues. You never know when the next breakthrough is around the corner.

That is why you have to believe that change is possible. It’s happening around you all the time. But it is possible for change to happen to you as well. It might take a really long time, but it does happen. I tried several different medications of a certain class before we found one that worked. Did it suck until we found it? Yeah. Did some of them make me worse? Yes. But when we did find it, it made my life easier. I was in therapy for seven years before I decided to take a chance on a new treatment approach and it transformed my life. I’ve had bad relationships. If I had given up on people, I would not have a boyfriend that makes me better every single day.

You never know how long it will take to change and that’s scary. It really is. I spent over a decade almost constantly fighting with a certain terrible feeling before it subsided. If you’d told me at the start that that’s how long it would take, I might have given up before even trying to get better. That amount of time is overwhelming. But it is a lot shorter than the rest of my life.

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I’ve asked myself if it was worth it. How long can you endure misery before the chance of getting better is no longer worth it? There were times when I would have said not another day. Sometimes, I would have said that ridiculously many days in a row. But part of me didn’t let go. And eventually, things did turn around. 

It seems easy to say that, well, in retrospect it might be worth it. When you’re not in the midst of it, you can say it was possible to overcome. But my life is still affected by mental illness every single day. There are things I want to do that I can’t. Sometimes, I still get set off and have to spend a few days under the covers. But I have also found many things that are worth it. I have found relationships I could not have been healthy enough to manage before. I have come across new interests and started new hobbies that I would not have had the energy or concentration to learn about before. Even running this blog gives my life some sense of meaning. 

No one was more annoyed with the whole, “It gets better,” attitude than me. I felt like an exception. But the fact is that despite feeling hopeless, I still kept trying to get better. That effort pays off eventually. It will be small victories at first. It might be forgetting you’re suicidal for an hour or going a single day without drinking. But every bit of progress is still progress and it’s moving you forward. It might take you a thousand steps to get to somewhere when it takes someone else only 10, but you can still get there. 

With time, those steps do add up. Every day that you do your best matters. Everything is constantly in motion and you are becoming a new person minute by minute. Making the choice to recover helps you become a happier and healthier person. So love yourself for trying. That is one thing I always hold on to: I never stop trying. Knowing that alone has a powerful impact.

What gives you hope? Share stories in the comments.

9 things you need to believe in order to heal

Healing from mental illness is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. It’s a scary process and you never know if you’re going to relapse. But a lot of it is about attitude and belief. Here are some of the things you need to believe if you want to recover from mental illness.

1. It is possible to heal.

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There is very little point in trying to recover if you do not believe it is possible. Not believing it sets up a major barrier that makes progress in treatment minimal at best. Belief in the method of healing is essential to recovery. Take the placebo effect. If a pill that does nothing can make some people better because they believe it is something else, then believing in your actual treatment is going to be fruitful.

2. It is okay for it to take time.

At the start of therapy, people usually want to know how long it is going to take. Some people even expect everything to be solved in a single session. The truth is, it’s going to take however long it’s going to take. The average is 8-12 sessions, but that number is, in a lot of ways, completely meaningless. Whatever you need is how long it’s going to take and that’s okay.

3. It is normal to take a step back.

Recovery isn’t a straightforward trajectory towards wellness. There are ups and downs. You will get worse before you get better. And even when you do get better, you’ll still have bad days/weeks/months. The thing with setbacks is that they actually make you stronger than you were before. You may feel like you overcome it to end up in the same place, but you’ll have grown even more.

4. You are worthy of love no matter where you’re at.

Measuring our self-worth is often done by looking at our output. How well do we do in school? How much money do we make? What kind of significant other have we won over? Mental illness can affect one’s ability to produce, but it doesn’t affect self-worth. You’re just dealing with a different set of characteristics. Now your courage in facing your disorder, determination to get better and willingness to comply with treatment set you apart.

5. Others will support you if you let them.

There are others who will want to help you. And if they’re not already in your life, you will be able to find them. I spent so many years trying to recover without letting others really be there for me. I thought I had to do it myself. You don’t. Once I started letting other people in, I’ve made tremendous progress. I don’t have a big social network, but even one person supporting you makes a difference.

6. Your treatment team can help you.

Research has shown that believing in the ability of your therapist to help you improves therapy outcomes. That’s why sending someone to therapy who doesn’t believe in it or who isn’t ready is pretty useless. If you don’t entirely trust your specific therapist, look for someone else. It is critical that you have faith in those who are helping you. (Here’s a list of questions to ask potential therapists.)

7. Things are always changing.

Don’t give up on yourself because you believe you’ve exhausted every option. The world is in constant flux and your circumstances are changing all the time. There are always new treatments, new research, new therapists, new medications, new friendships, new hobbies, new everything. The belief in change is also helpful when you’re having a setback because you know it won’t last forever.

8. You are not an exception.

I spent a lot of years thinking that there was something so terribly wrong with me that I wasn’t going to get better. I put forth all my best effort with minimal results. I just thought that I was someone who couldn’t get better and that the most we could do is not make things worse. It took six and a half years of therapy to find a crucial component that turned things around. But we found it. You will find it, too, eventually.

9. It will be worth it.

Mental illness changes the way you view the future. It can be very hard to see yourself living the life you want. The truth is, things might not work out the way you’d like. I’ve worked on my undergraduate degree for eight years and still don’t know if or when I’ll get it. But I’m learning to appreciate any progress. I don’t have a lot of relationships in my life, but the ones I do have really matter. There are a few things I enjoy doing that I didn’t know about before. You have to believe that you’ll find something worthwhile, even if it isn’t exactly what you planned.

What beliefs have helped you in your recovery? Add your thoughts in the comments.

Learning to be body positive

   

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Because I have some challenges with my body image, up until recently I was getting some of my clothes the wrong size. I had this idea of looking a certain way and that’s how I thought of myself. Finding out that I was actually not shaped the way I thought was such a weird experience. It made me reexamine my body and how I treat it.

Treating your body right isn’t just a physical thing. Exercise and healthy eating are important, as are taking care of any physical illnesses. But a part of having a healthy body is the way you talk to yourself. If you’re constantly thinking, “My thighs are too fat,” or “My arms aren’t muscular enough,” you start viewing your body in a negative way. This type of thinking will affect your ability to properly take care of yourself. At one extreme, it might be depressing and lead to something like overeating. On the other side is starving yourself or engaging in excessive exercise. Neither of those options is healthy.

It’s important to treat your body with respect. It’s the only thing you will have your whole life, no matter what happens. It is an extremely valuable asset and should be treated as such. When you are feeling down about one part of your body, always think of a positive. Even though it sounds cheesy, find one thing you like about it. I promise you can. I like the way my lips are shaped. It seems trivial, but having something about you that you love makes a difference. Everyone – and I mean everyone – has some attractive aspect. You aren’t an exception to that.

I’ve been trying very hard lately to be body positive. I went to the store and bought an item of clothing that I felt insecure about pulling off with my body. I felt so dumb when I was being checked out. It felt like the clerk was thinking, “Really? You’re gonna wear that?” when I’m sure he didn’t even think anything of it. When I wore it, nothing catastrophic happened. No one said anything. People didn’t stare at me. It was hard, at first, to be comfortable. Then I simply stopped noticing. It was fun to wear something different.

My point is, you are more concerned about your own body than anyone else is. (If someone does care more than you, tell him/her to mind his/her own body). How you treat and talk to yourself is what matters. It’s a really hard thing, but just try to accept your body. No excuses, no exceptions. I haven’t been able to do it perfectly, but it’s already made a huge difference for me. 

Your body deserves all the love you can give it. It’s what’s keeping you alive, so be grateful and kind to it.

What helps you feel more confident in your own skin? Sound off in the comments.

Eliminating negative self-talk

     

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Your mental illness can be a very powerful voice in your head. It doesn’t literally have to be a voice, though sometimes it is. It is whatever is inside of you that tells you things that make your symptoms worse and hinder your recovery. It might be saying something like this:

• You are worthless.
• The world is dangerous.
• You don’t deserve love and attention.
• Others are laughing at you.
• Your body is flawed.
• There’s no point in trying.
• You have to engage in unhealthy behaviors.

It can be hard to challenge these thoughts because they are coming from within. They appear to be your truth. But just because it’s in your head doesn’t mean it’s actually you. These thoughts might actually be from someone else or they might be a result of psychopathology.

Thoughts can be left over from what others have said or implied by their actions. We all have those things someone said to us once that we believed and of which we never let go. I haven’t felt confident singing since my junior high choir teacher told me I couldn’t. I’ve also never looked at my body the same way since someone I once dated told me to lose weight. That doesn’t mean those things are true. I can probably sing well enough to not seriously embarrass myself. What
                                                                                     someone else thinks my body should look like is actually irrelevant. 

But at some point, these people held credibility for us. What they thought mattered because we gave them that power. With effort, we can take it back. Recognize that these original messages might have been off-hand and not really meant. Other times, people might have been deliberately cruel. There can even be some level of truth to what was said. What matters is how you choose to respond. I can tell myself that how I sound doesn’t really matter because I’m not a professional singer. I can also tell myself that my ex was just plain wrong for criticizing my body. Challenging these thoughts can be hard, but the more you do it, the more you believe it. It might take years, but that’s better than giving these people space in our heads.

Other negative thoughts are not the voices of others, but a result of a mental illness. No one knows how mental illnesses work. But they do affect our thoughts. Depression might tell us that life isn’t worth living. Obsessive-compulsive disorder can tell us to engage in ritualistic behavior to prevent bad things from happening. Anxiety tells us that it’s safer to be scared. 

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These thoughts are invasions in our heads. They are foreign to who we really are. That’s why we call their speakers illnesses. They do not belong in us any more than cancerous cells do. You have to believe that what your mental illness says is not what you actually are. You can choose who you are.

That is not an easy task. It takes a lot of effort and it won’t get better overnight. One thing you might want to do is incorporate affirmations into your life. You can read about how to do that here. You can also ask yourself if the thoughts actually make sense. By challenging them, you lessen their power. Even if you don’t believe the challenge, the fact that you are doing it means that you are at least willing to consider that the thoughts might not be true. That’s somewhere to start.

Sometimes, we can’t work through these thoughts on our own. If they are causing you distress or interfering with your life, talk to a therapist. They know strategies to help you change. It might be helpful if, between sessions, you write down all the negative self-talk you catch. Bring your list to therapy, as this will give your therapist an idea of where you’re at and how you can be helped.

You don’t have to be a victim to your own mind. Remember, considering that you might be wrong is the first step. Fill your life with positive things to give the negative thoughts some competition. Recognize that the harmful self-talk is not a part of who you truly are. You are a strong, capable person who can take back your mind from negativity, no matter how long it takes.

How do you reduce negative self-talk? Share your tips in the comments.

5 ways nature can heal

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Nature has been helping people heal long before the inventions of therapy and medication. Humans were developed to survive without any modern conveniences, so it only makes sense that the natural world holds things that can help us in recovering. 

Consider what nature can do for you, even if you don’t want to leave the house. Inspired by the (hopefully) nice spring weather, here are five suggestions for how nature can help in your healing process.

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1. Sounds and scents

Nature can be very soothing and calming. It’s simple to bring nature inside through your senses. If you are lucky, you live somewhere you can simply open your window to hear and smell a forest or brook. But for the rest of us, turning on some nature sounds and lighting a flower-scented candle will have to do the trick. 

There are websites that let you blend and customize different sounds, such as this one. It is also said that certain scents will alter your mood, filling you with calmness, energy or concentration. Here is an example of a list of how certain scents might benefit you. Google will give you plenty more.

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2. Gardening

While some of us hate weeding (guilty), some people find gardening to be a soothing and stress-relieving hobby. It gives you the satisfaction of seeing your hard work bloom, which can do wonders for your confidence and self-efficacy. 

Even city-dwellers holed up in apartments can reap the benefits of caring for plants. A flower box can be used to make a beautiful display or to be used to grow herbs and small vegetables. For those who are interested in growing their own food in cities, look up urban gardening. It’s a real thing.

  

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3. Food and supplements

What you eat determines a large part of your health. It is, after all, what makes up your body. Good nutrition in general is beneficial to physical and mental health, but specific foods can serve individual purposes. Supposedly, blueberries should make you less stressed while walnuts make you happier.

In addition to providing food, nature also gives us plants and herbs that hold healing properties. The scientific backing on these varies, so do your research. But from what I’ve heard, some places use St. John’s wort as a first line of treatment for depression, preceding anti-depressants. But if you do want to try a supplement, talk to your doctor. Some can interfere with medications or make certain health conditions worse.

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4. Pets

The creatures we share this world with can become healing as friends, or even part of the family. My cat can tell when I am anxious or depressed and will cuddle up with me extra much. Having a pet also gives you a daily responsibility, forcing you to have interaction and get out of bed.

Sometimes, people have specially trained service or therapy animals. Dogs, for instance, can be trained to help with PTSD symptoms. I have also heard of ones that will bring your medication to you if you are bedridden, so it’s pretty incredible what animals can do.

  

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5. Spending time outdoors

Then, of course, there is simply going out into nature. Take advantage of whatever is nearby – forests, mountains, beaches or city parks. If you want more variety, plan vacations and road trips around the environments you’d like to spend more time in.

While outside, do activities that you enjoy. There’s more to do than hikes or walks. Some options include riding bikes, swimming, picnics, sketching or painting, picking flowers, snow activities, bird watching, playing children’s games and just sitting down and enjoying your surroundings.  Sometimes a breath of fresh air is exactly what’s needed to feel better.

What gifts of nature do you use in your recovery? Exchange ideas in the comments.

Living with physical and mental illness

Health is a complex concept. A holistic view of health allows for multiple aspects to be examined, including physical, mental, social and spiritual health. These different facets interconnect and feed into each other, creating an intricate person as a whole. 

   

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Physical and mental health are highly related. According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, people with a mental illness are at a higher risk for a chronic physical illness. It works the other way, too: If you have a chronic physical condition, your mental health is at risk. Some disorders concern both the body and the mind, including hypochondria, eating disorders and insomnia. 

A combination of mental and physical symptoms can be more debilitating than either on its own. It creates a double struggle. If you are having mental health issues, it might be difficult to attend to physical symptoms. Physical conditions can also increase psychological symptoms such as depression and anxiety.

If you are in this situation, it is possible that you have an extended medical treatment team. You might, for instance, have a primary care physician, a psychiatrist and a specialist for your physical condition. In order to receive the best possible treatment, it becomes extremely important to be open and honest with all of them. If one doctor puts you on a medication that is contraindicated with one you are on from another, you can have very bad reactions. Your primary care physician, especially, should get documentation from everyone you visit. It can be hard to talk about mental illness with someone who doesn’t specialize in it, but do it anyway. She can always consult with colleagues if she is stumped. 

Self-care can help mediate the barrage of symptoms. Taking time to let go of everything else and do something that feels good for you is important. Try to think of things that make you feel better mentally and physically. Listening to and focusing on music can be cathartic emotionally while distracting you from your pain. Exercise is very effective in improving depression and can be part of healing some physical illnesses as well (talk to your doctor about what is safe if you have a physical condition). Getting a massage gives you a nice, relaxing break while relieving muscle tension.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It can reduce stress, which negatively impacts both physical and mental health. If you can’t do heavy lifting, call your brother. If you are struggling in school because of a condition, talk to your school’s accessibility services. If a work task becomes difficult, ask a colleague to help or talk to your boss about possibly changing your responsibilities. If you can’t get out of bed, ask a friend to drop off dinner and maybe have a chat. If you would be willing to do it for someone else, there is probably someone willing to do it for you, too.

Having limitations due to illness can be discouraging. It might mean giving up your favorite hobby. It could exclude you from having certain careers. It means you may have to be more dependent on your loved ones. But there are still ways you can contribute. Just find the things you can do, no matter how small. It adds up and you never know how much something will matter to someone else. We are all interdependent and your contributions, while maybe not as obvious or notable as those of others, are part of what makes your relationships work. 

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As someone living with multiple physical and mental health conditions, I have found that attitude is essential in this situation. When I give in to feeling discouraged, I become more dysfunctional. I lay in bed all day thinking negatively about how I am laying in bed, then I keep doing that. When I focus on how I made my brother happy by spending time with him, had all of my studying pay off at the end of the semester or wrote four blog posts in one day (it happened once), it’s a lot easier to be healthier. When I concentrate on enjoying the things I am doing, it gives me more motivation to keep doing those and other things. 

It’s a special kind of burden to struggle with illnesses of both the mind and the body. Don’t do it alone. Let those around you help you, whether it’s your medical team or your neighbor. When everyone does what they can, things tend to fall into place eventually.

Do you struggle with both physical and mental health? Tell us what you find helpful in the comments.

How do I tell someone I have a mental illness?

It is hard to come to terms with having a mental illness. It can be even harder, at times, to help others understand where you’re at because they are not living it. But the path to recovery is best walked with support, so at some point, you might want to tell someone about your mental health condition. Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, let’s look at talking about mental illness.

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Remember that you get to decide who does and doesn’t know about what you’re struggling with and how much you want to share. Telling someone one thing does not entitle her to know everything. It’s also important to feel safe with the person you are confiding in. When you have carefully considered telling someone and feel comfortable with it, here are some tips on how to have that initial conversation.

Be aware of your own feelings in advance

Don’t go into the conversation unprepared. You are opening up a whole new box of information and feelings, so know what’s in it. Plan for how you are going to deal with any emotions that come up while you’re explaining yourself. Remember that it’s okay to take breaks or to finish the conversation another time. 

Also attend to how you are feeling before you have “the talk.” Are you anxious? Scared? Relieved? Practice some self-care that is appropriate to how you are feeling. Plan for what could help you during the conversation when you are having strong emotions. Maybe playing with a stress ball would help. Perhaps your anxiety is reduced if you have a bottle of water so you can take a drink to buy time when you’re uncertain about an answer. Find whatever works for you.

Understand your condition

If you want him to be understanding of you, some education might be needed. In order to provide that, you need to learn about your diagnosis and/or symptoms. There will probably be questions and it’s best to have the answers. You can read the post on learning about your diagnosis. The chance of misunderstandings and confusion are decreased if you can use factual information instead of conjecture. 

But it’s okay not to know everything. If you are unsure of the answer to a question asked, say something like, “I don’t actually know the answer to that. I’m still learning, too. Let me see what I can find out and we can talk more about it later.” You don’t have to be an expert on your condition; you just need to be appropriately informed about your mental health concerns.

Set appropriate boundaries

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I once told someone about some of my problems who went on to share them with other people. That was difficult, but I realized that I never set the boundary of who I was comfortable with knowing. I now spell out who I want to know if I am going to say something to an individual who is a part of a group I'm in (family, a circle of friends, support group, etc.). 

If the person you are confiding in can’t promise to respect your privacy, reconsider telling her unless you are ready for everyone to know what you are about to share. If you need to set boundaries about what you are willing to discuss, make sure to do that, too. Think ahead so you can express any limitations and boundaries that you need him to respect in the future as well.

Explain the support you need

People will leave the conversation feeling much more positively about it if they have some answers about how this applies to them. If these people are trusted enough for you to talk with, they are likely the kinds people who will want to help. Think about this in advance and be specific. Ask if it’s okay to call her if you have the urge to self-injure. Request to have lunch with him after your therapy appointments to de-stress. Tell her that you need someone to just ask how you’re doing from time to time.

Also let him know what you want him not to do. Again, be specific. If you have triggers, it might help to give her a list of them. If you feel it would be helpful, you can also refer him to the post about helping loved ones with mental illnesses. 

Be prepared for a variety of responses

As much as I wish there wasn’t, there is a lot of stigma surrounding mental illness. This means that people already have ideas of what mental illness is and those beliefs are going to influence their response to you. Not everyone is going to be completely supportive from the get-go. Instead of blurting out everything at once, pace the conversation. See how she reacts to minor information before revealing major points. If there seems to be a negative response, find a way to end the conversation. 

On the other hand, some people can become overly invested in your situation. If he tries to take control over your treatment or starts coddling you excessively, have a conversation about how this affects you. Tell her that your treatment team is plenty competent to help you make decisions about the hows of recovery. No matter the response, plan on engaging in some self-care after the conversation. It’s stressful and you need to take care of yourself.

Have you told someone about your mental illness? How did it go? Post your own tips and observations in the comments. 

Working towards recovery through affirmations

  

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Thinking positive thoughts does not make mental illness disappear. It is far too complex for that. But what we think does influence how we feel and how we act. So if you can improve your thinking, you might see positive changes in many areas of your life.

One way of doing this is affirmations. An affirmation is a statement that you are presenting to yourself as a fact. You repeatedly expose yourself to these statements and thereby change the way you think and feel about yourself. 

Sometimes, it’s hard to believe these statements. That’s okay. But for them to work, you need to believe them, so modify them to fit your truth. Instead of “I am brave,” you might say, “I can be brave.” If “I am worthy of love” seems too farfetched for you, try “It is possible that I am worthy of love.” Using smaller, modified statements that you can actually believe is going be more effective than grandiose statements that you just blow off.

There are several ways of using affirmations. Some people look in the mirror in the morning and state to themselves whatever mottos they are using. Others might meditate and use an affirmation as the focus. Another way to do it is by writing it somewhere you will see it often. I tried this last one recently. I wrote up several statements on post-it notes and placed them around my bedroom, bathroom, the door out of the house – anywhere I’d pass daily. I even had one by my light switch. I also had my boyfriend write up a few for me.

Looking back at the last several weeks since I did this, I have become more assertive and confident. I am proud of my accomplishments instead of minimizing them. That was probably the biggest change for me. I learned that it is okay to love yourself and that showing off your self-esteem is not a bad thing. I feel like my relationships with those around me are more open and communicative. I’m also getting my needs met better in those relationships because I know what to ask for and how to set boundaries. 

I’m not saying that all of that can come from hanging up some post-it notes. It can’t. I’ve been working really hard in therapy, in my relationships and by myself. But I think that those positive reminders gave me the push I needed to believe that I was worth those changes. 

So it doesn’t hurt to try. It was actually really nice to have the notes from my boyfriend, so I highly encourage you to ask your loved ones to help you out. You can offer to do the same for them, too. But the most important part is still what you say to yourself. You can have all the love and support in the world, but it won’t matter if you don’t internalize it and only you can do that for yourself.

If you don’t know where to start, I will post a list of some suggestions tomorrow. I also regularly post affirmations on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Tumblr. Follow me on those if you would like an occasional boost. I use a combination of quotes, graphics and thoughts I have personally written with my readers in mind. All of you matter to me and I really hope I can offer something to give you hope.

Have you found affirmations to be helpful? Share what you do in the comments.

When you're upset with your therapist

When it comes down to it, the process of therapy is a relationship. It is being able to open up to someone and finding acceptance, care, empathy, hope and help. But like any other relationship, there can be times when things aren’t going so well. No relationship is perfect.

 

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That doesn’t mean that when you get upset, you should go and replace your therapist. You don’t just switch out family members or close friends. There are certainly circumstances in which changing practitioners is warranted, but you should always try to work things out with your current mental health provider. 

Part of why it’s important to work on repairing ruptures in your therapeutic relationship is because therapy is not entirely unique. You have probably had someone else similarly hurt you. You might have had someone react negatively to you in that particular way. But the great thing about therapy is that you have a chance to work through those problems. You have a captive audience, so to speak, where you can play out the difficulty to its full extent. This can give you incredible
                                                                                                                 insight into your other relationships.

But that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard when something upsetting happens with your therapist. Try hard to see what is actually going on. Was something she said offensive to you? Are you maybe working towards separate goals? Do you disagree with your current treatment plan? Was there a misunderstanding? You need to know what has gone wrong in order to fix it.

And if you want to know what it is, the only way you can find out for sure is through talking about it. Don’t be afraid to say something to your therapist. Some phrases you might try using include:

• “I feel like there is something off in our relationship and I want to work through it. What do you think about that?”
• “I’m not sure we’re heading in the same direction. Could you explain to me why you are choosing the interventions you are using?”
• “I’ve noticed that whenever I ______, you ______. Can you tell me why that is?”
• “It offended me when you said ______, which made me feel ______.”
• “I’m not sure if I/you understood what you/I meant when you/I said ______. How did you interpret that?”

The most important part is getting the conversation going. Therapists know to expect these ruptures. They are trained in how to deal with them. It happens all the time. You are just two people talking and that won’t always work out ideally. It can be a great learning experience. If handled properly, it can help both you and your therapist make progress.

It’s not easy, though, to negotiate when there’s been a breech. At one point my therapist used an intervention that ended up causing me some distress. This caused me to become hesitant to talk about the topic that lead to the intervention. We talked about why he did what he did and why it upset me. We then discussed how that situation could be handled should it arise again. It took me some time to be comfortable discussing that particular topic. I am still very careful about what I say when I talk about it. But we both have a better understanding of how to work with that issue now. I learned to trust him in a new way. He now knows more about what that topic means to me and can act accordingly. 

All in all, you can either look at ruptures in the therapeutic alliance as personal insults that causes resentment and mistrust or you can look at them as a genuine aspect of relationships being played out in the therapy room. I don’t think I have to tell you which is the most helpful when it comes to progressing in your healing. The skill of repairing ruptures is important to all relationships and therapy is an excellent venue to practice doing so.

Have you and your therapist ever not seen eye to eye? Tell us what you learned from it in the comments.

3 art therapy exercises to do at home

Art therapy is a form of treatment that allows for expression beyond words. It gives you a chance to look at your problems in a different way and learn more about yourself. Today I thought I'd share three different exercises you can do at home. I've included examples of my own work.

1. Create an image of inside your head.

What does it look like inside of you? Create a piece that represents what is going on internally. This can be as abstract or as concrete as you'd like. Collage words and images or just find colors that represent your feelings. I made this one at a time when I was feeling particularly overwhelmed.

2. Let words inspire you.

Look to words to inspire an image. Find a quote, song lyric, affirmation or other words that speak to you. Create something to represent it. You may or may not want to use the actual words in the piece. I used a quote by Drew Barrymore: "In the end, some of your greatest pains become your greatest strengths."

3. Make an altered book.

Take an old book and create art on the pages inside. You can use words that are on the page as part of your art, or you can just work over them. There are an unlimited number of ways you can do this project. I've found that this visual journaling can be a great way of tracking my progress. For some practical instructions, look here and for inspiration of how your pages can look, go here.

Art therapy can be both relaxing and really hard work. If you start to feel overwhelmed, take a break. You don't have to actually finish a piece if it's bringing up too much. Creating art, especially as a part of your treatment, can be very powerful and informative. Bring your pieces in to therapy to give your therapist a chance to see what you are experiencing in a whole new way.

Want to share what you've made? Link to your images in the comments.

Are antidepressants safe for youth?

Antidepressants are used both as first line and adjunct treatment for depression. The most commonly used type is selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs. A simplified explanation of how SSRIs work can be found here. These drugs are also used to treat other mental health conditions, mostly anxiety disorders. It does takes several weeks for the positive effects of the medication to manifest, at least with depression.

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All medications come with certain risks and side-effects. SSRIs, however, can be extra hard on children, teens and young adults. The FDA has issued a black box warning on all SSRIs, which is its strongest warning. It states that taking these medications can cause an increase in suicidality in those up to age 25. 

This warning is issued because 4 percent of children treated with SSRI medication experience suicidal thinking and behavior (including attempts). This is twice the rate of those who took a placebo (sugar pill). So while the odds of having this reaction to an anti-depressant are low, it is important to watch for, especially in the first month or two and around dosage changes. 

It is believed that the benefits of taking an SSRI outweighs the risks. And it is true that it is a fairly rare reaction. But without discouraging antidepressant use, I want to stress how real that suicidality can be. I was 20 the first time I took an SSRI and there was a marked difference in my level of suicidality. I went from thinking about dying to planning on it. As soon as I realized this, I contacted my psychiatrist and he reduced the dosage. I had to be watched for a few days, but it got better.

What I learned from that is to not go through medication changes alone. Let important people in your life know about the change. These include family, significant others, therapists and other healthcare providers. When symptoms become worse, it can be hard to reach out for help. If others are looking out for you, it is much safer to go through medication changes. They can notice if you change and help make sure you talk to your healthcare provider.

Suicidality isn’t the only side effect of medications. Even in adults, SSRIs can make you more depressed before you get better. I’m now 26, but I let my mom, boyfriend and therapist know every time I go through a medication change, even if it’s just changing the dosage of something I’m already on. No matter what you are taking – whether it’s for a physical condition or a mental one – I think it’s good to tell those who will be around you the most. 

So are SSRIs safe for those under 25? For the most part. Just monitor any adjustments very closely. If you are thinking of taking or having your child take antidepressants, mention any concerns you have to your prescribing physician. She can help you make a plan for how to handle any side-effects that might come up.

Have you taken antidepressants while under the age of 25? What was your experience? Let us know in the comments.