Eliminating negative self-talk

     

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Your mental illness can be a very powerful voice in your head. It doesn’t literally have to be a voice, though sometimes it is. It is whatever is inside of you that tells you things that make your symptoms worse and hinder your recovery. It might be saying something like this:

• You are worthless.
• The world is dangerous.
• You don’t deserve love and attention.
• Others are laughing at you.
• Your body is flawed.
• There’s no point in trying.
• You have to engage in unhealthy behaviors.

It can be hard to challenge these thoughts because they are coming from within. They appear to be your truth. But just because it’s in your head doesn’t mean it’s actually you. These thoughts might actually be from someone else or they might be a result of psychopathology.

Thoughts can be left over from what others have said or implied by their actions. We all have those things someone said to us once that we believed and of which we never let go. I haven’t felt confident singing since my junior high choir teacher told me I couldn’t. I’ve also never looked at my body the same way since someone I once dated told me to lose weight. That doesn’t mean those things are true. I can probably sing well enough to not seriously embarrass myself. What
                                                                                     someone else thinks my body should look like is actually irrelevant. 

But at some point, these people held credibility for us. What they thought mattered because we gave them that power. With effort, we can take it back. Recognize that these original messages might have been off-hand and not really meant. Other times, people might have been deliberately cruel. There can even be some level of truth to what was said. What matters is how you choose to respond. I can tell myself that how I sound doesn’t really matter because I’m not a professional singer. I can also tell myself that my ex was just plain wrong for criticizing my body. Challenging these thoughts can be hard, but the more you do it, the more you believe it. It might take years, but that’s better than giving these people space in our heads.

Other negative thoughts are not the voices of others, but a result of a mental illness. No one knows how mental illnesses work. But they do affect our thoughts. Depression might tell us that life isn’t worth living. Obsessive-compulsive disorder can tell us to engage in ritualistic behavior to prevent bad things from happening. Anxiety tells us that it’s safer to be scared. 

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These thoughts are invasions in our heads. They are foreign to who we really are. That’s why we call their speakers illnesses. They do not belong in us any more than cancerous cells do. You have to believe that what your mental illness says is not what you actually are. You can choose who you are.

That is not an easy task. It takes a lot of effort and it won’t get better overnight. One thing you might want to do is incorporate affirmations into your life. You can read about how to do that here. You can also ask yourself if the thoughts actually make sense. By challenging them, you lessen their power. Even if you don’t believe the challenge, the fact that you are doing it means that you are at least willing to consider that the thoughts might not be true. That’s somewhere to start.

Sometimes, we can’t work through these thoughts on our own. If they are causing you distress or interfering with your life, talk to a therapist. They know strategies to help you change. It might be helpful if, between sessions, you write down all the negative self-talk you catch. Bring your list to therapy, as this will give your therapist an idea of where you’re at and how you can be helped.

You don’t have to be a victim to your own mind. Remember, considering that you might be wrong is the first step. Fill your life with positive things to give the negative thoughts some competition. Recognize that the harmful self-talk is not a part of who you truly are. You are a strong, capable person who can take back your mind from negativity, no matter how long it takes.

How do you reduce negative self-talk? Share your tips in the comments.