5 techniques for the moment you are overwhelmed

We all have those moments where we are hit with something overwhelming. Whether it be an argument, a panic attack or a piece of bad news, our gut reactions aren’t always the most helpful. That’s why it’s important to have coping strategies for those first few moments. Try one of these techniques the next time you need to stay calm while dealing with a big emotion.

1. Use breathing techniques

There’s a breathing trick I have been using lately to help calm down and refocus. First, you close your eyes. Feel everything that’s inside you and pick a word that best describes your emotions. Now, forget about that while you breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts and breathe out for eight counts, thinking only of your breath (or, if you’re like me, the counting). Do this three times, then check inside again and label your emotion. You should be seeing at least some improvement. Keep doing this as many times as you feel necessary.

  

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2. Accept the situation

There are things we simply cannot change. They happen and we have to deal with them. Instead of thinking thoughts like, “This can’t be happening!” or “That’s completely wrong!”, try just accepting it. Your outrage is not going to change the situation. Accepting is not the same as agreeing. Accepting means facing reality for what it is instead of delving into your own pathology. By trying to make something different than what it is, you are wasting your time and mental resources. Make the decision to accept whatever happened and then see how you can have a helpful reaction.

3. Take a break

There are some situations that have to be dealt with immediately, but often you don’t actually have to respond at once. When you are overwhelmed, step aside from the incident until you can gather yourself. You can tell the others involved that you need a moment, but you can also take a timeout without letting on why. Just go to the bathroom or say that you need to check that you turned off the stove. Anything is helpful. Another trick for smaller breaks is to have a drink with you. When you need a moment, just take a sip. It’s amazing how big of a difference a few seconds can make.

4. Ask for help

If someone else is in a position to be helpful, just ask. If it’s difficult for you, it’s often difficult for someone else, too. They’ll understand and do what they can. You can call a sister and vent, go out on the town with a friend or simply ask your therapist to hand you a tissue. Feeling alone in a situation can make it so much worse, so showing yourself that you are loved and cared for can be very calming.

5. Express yourself

Sometimes, feelings demand action. Some of the options that occur to us are healthy; some are not. Pause to make sure your action is appropriate before you act. Punching a wall might sound therapeutic, but you can hurt yourself and/or the wall.  You could hit a pillow a few times instead. If appropriate, you could also respectfully state out loud what you are feeling and experiencing. If you don’t have the option of expressing yourself in the moment, make a mental note of how you will do it later. This could be journaling, exercising or talking to your therapist, for instance. Knowing that you have an outlet later can help you better focus in the moment.

What do you do in the moments you are overwhelmed? Give your own tips in the comments.

100 ways to improve your mental health

We’ve reached a milestone today – this is my 100th post! To celebrate, I decided to make a list of 100 things. The most helpful idea that came to mind was ways to improve mental health, so here it is. I have broken the list down into categories so that you can find the ones that are the most relevant for what you are working on. (Another milestone: Happy birthday, A. You’re my favorite.)

  

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Emotionally

1. Honor your emotions for what they are and accept them fully.

2. Do something that makes you happy every day.

3. Remember that feelings are temporary; they will always change.

4. Express your emotions creatively.

5. Ask for help when you feel overwhelmed.

6. Know when to back out of a situation.

7. Stop your thinking and ask yourself what you are actually feeling and why.

8. Use a feelings chart to identify what you are experiencing.

9. Surround yourself with little things that make you happy – flowers, art, scented candles, etc.

10. Find positive and uplifting entertainment.

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Mentally

11. Stay in the present.

12. Deal with stress as it comes up.

13. Eliminate bad habits. 

14. Set realistic goals and work towards them.

15. Stop using negative words to describe yourself.

16. Reward yourself for doing difficult things.

17. Take a break when you need it.

18. Find new ways to do things.

19. Stop and consider other perspectives on what you’re experiencing.

20. Use good common sense.

                                                                                              Physically

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21. Exercise regularly.

22. Take time to relax.

23. Eat three meals a day.

24. Take your medication as prescribed.

25. Stay at a healthy weight. 

26. Get enough sleep.

27. See a doctor when you need to.

28. Choose healthy food.

29. Stay away from harmful substances.

30. Love your body as best you can.

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Socially

31. Rely on your support system.

32. Spend time with other people regularly.

33. Be a helpful friend.

34. Respect the needs of others and expect that they do the same.

35. Engage in volunteer work.

36. Eliminate negative influences in your life.

37. Set and keep healthy boundaries.

38. Make time for yourself.

39. Be clear in your communication.

40. Be considerate.

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Intellectually

41. Be educated about your disorder(s).

42. Learn something new every day.

43. Study things you genuinely find interesting.

44. Study something you know absolutely nothing about.

45. Do mind exercises like sudoku, crossword puzzles and word games.

46. Talk to other people about what they do.

47. Take an evening or community course.

48. Think up funny jokes and witty responses.

49. Take notes when you are learning about something. Refer to them later.

50. Do calculations in your head instead of using your phone.

Spiritually

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51. Practice mindfulness

52. Meditate and/or pray.

53. Eliminate unhealthy beliefs.

54. Rely on a higher power.

55. Learn about the beliefs of others.

56. Journal about your spiritual experiences.

57. Share your spiritual experiences with open-minded loved ones.

58. Forgive.

59. Find or decide on your life’s purpose and live it.

60. Stay true to what you believe.

                                                             Environmentally

                                                             61. Surround yourself with beautiful things.

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62. Hang up motivational posters.

63. Spend time in nature.

64. Keep your home clean.

65. Use sticky notes to post affirmations where you’ll see them frequently.

66. Support any environmental causes you believe in.

67. Use your resources well.

68. Take basic safety precautions.

69. Repair broken things so they don’t continue to frustrate you.

70. Stay organized.

Occupationally

71. Do things you love.

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72. Know your limits when it comes to work.

73. Develop schedules and routines.

74. Simplify your work.

75. Get support from colleagues when necessary.

76. Keep good boundaries between your personal and professional lives.

77. Compliment coworkers on a job well done.

78. If you are unhappy in your job, look for a new one.

79. Multitask less.

80. Take a day off when you need to.

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Self-care

81. Journal regularly. 

82. Go for a walk.

83. Make your favorite meal.

84. Use grounding techniques.

85. Have a list of coping skills.

86. Be patient.

87. Keep a gratitude journal.

88. Go easy on yourself.

89. Respect yourself.

Other

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91. Stand up for yourself.

92. Believe you can get better.

93. Keep a beginner’s mindset.

94. Learn from every experience.

95. Keep some money in savings.

96. Have alternatives for self-destructive behaviors.

97. Be prepared for change.

98. Have a safety plan.

99. Stay progress-oriented.

100. Make a list of personal reasons to recover.

Do you have any tips to add? Please do so in the comments!

Daily affirmations

  

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I’ve come up with a little routine lately. It’s simple, but more powerful than I imagined it would be: I say affirmations out loud every single day.

Pick something you do every day that requires minimal thinking. For me, it’s washing myself in the shower (so it’s accompanied by wonderful aromas from my shower gels). It could be doing the dishes, putting on make up, shaving, getting dressed, whatever. Just choose a time where you have a few minutes and make sure it’s something that you do daily.

The way I’ve been doing it is picking a theme each day. Today it was communication for me. In the time I set aside, I say as many affirmations as I can on that topic. I’ve been challenging myself by choosing affirmations that push my belief in myself. This has helped me grow. As an example, here are some of mine from today:

“I have a voice that deserves to be heard.”

“I can speak freely.”

“I show love in the things that I say.”

“I am powerful when I speak my truth.” 

See how they go along with the theme? Sticking to one topic each day allows me to explore what I am talking about in depth. You might want to do something kind for yourself afterwards. I make myself a nice cup of tea and journal. Do whatever works for you.

It sounds like a small thing, but it makes a big difference. It’s made me more comfortable with myself and more willing to do things that are difficult. You believe what you are repeatedly exposed to, so rehash themes as needed. I have a general cycle with a broader theme for each day of the week and then pick a subsection of that day’s message. 

For more information on affirmations, read this. There is also a list here of some affirmations you can try out until you develop your own.

Do you use affirmations? What has changed in your life as a result of them? Share your thoughts in the comments. 

15 mental health resolutions for 2015

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Happy New Year! As we all know, this is the time of year when people take stock of their lives and find ways to improve. So in the spirit of goal-setting, here are 15 resolutions to keep you mentally healthy in 2015. I encourage you to adopt at least one of them!

1. I will set and maintain healthy boundaries.

2. I will say no to negativity. 

3. I will make time for myself.

4. I will love and accept my body the way it is.

5. I will continue to learn new things.

6. I will practice mindfulness and self-care.

7. I will ask for help when I need it.

8. I will find healthy ways of dealing with stress.

9. I will not indulge in excess.

10. I will surround myself with supportive people.

11. I will take medications as instructed. 

12. I will physically take care of my body (exercise, nutrition, sleep, etc.).  

13. I will only speak positively about myself, in or out of my head.

14. I will shrug off unhealthy guilt. 

15. I will be proud of myself for each step towards recovery.

What mental health resolutions are you making? Post yours in the comments!

7 alternatives to harmful behavior

Mental illness does not just affect our minds and our thoughts. It affects our behavior. There are things that people struggling with mental health will do that helps them feel better, but are actually more damaging in the long run. These include self-injury, substance abuse, eating disordered behaviors, acting out obsessions, lashing out at others and more.

 

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It can be difficult to stay away from harmful behaviors, especially during times of great distress. This is why it is important to have alternate ways of coping. It can take a long time to change harmful behaviors, as they do serve a purpose. As a starting point, though, here are some ideas of what you could do instead of engaging in harmful behavior.

1. Replacement behaviors
If you don't want to engage in a destructive behavior, replace it with something else. People use this strategy all the time to quit smoking by sucking on hard candy, chewing gum or playing with putty to give their hands something to do. In other cases, this could mean drawing on yourself with a red marker instead of cutting or drinking tasty non-alcoholic beverages when you feel the urge to drink. The point is to put something less harmful in the place of the old behavior.

2. Creative expression
You can engage the emotions you are feeling without engaging in the behavior that usually
accompanies it. Try to take that energy that is pushing you towards self-destruction and let it live out another way through using it as fuel for creativity. What does your drug use look like when painted as an animal? What would your eating disorder say if it were a character in a novel about your life? Looking at your behavior from a creative perspective can also help you see things differently, which is a good start for more permanent change.

3. Talk to someone
You don't have to go through tough times alone. If you are worried that you'll engage in harmful behavior, see if you can spend time with someone else. You can talk about what is triggering your desire to engage in the behavior or you can just try to focus on something else now that you're not alone. If you don't have someone to spend time with, see if you can call someone. If there's no one to call, try writing an email to someone you trust. Involving another person can make it easier to resist.

4. Write it out
Written expression can help calm down feelings that surround destructive behaviors. There are many ways you can do this. You can try to process what you are feeling through journaling. You can vent out everything that's causing you distress and tear the paper into as many pieces as you'd like. You can write a letter to bring to your therapist the next session. The point is to communicate instead of act.

5. Distraction
Sometimes, it is better to get your mind on something else. My mother would say that if you're feeling miserable, you might as well clean. If you're able to, you can use the stress you are under to accomplish another task. Not all of us can do that, though, and self-care is an excellent way of distracting. You can use this activity in advance to come up with things to do.

6. Take out your frustration on something inanimate
At times, people feel so much tension, pain, anger and frustration that they can't slow down and do something else. In this case, let the damage be something inanimate, not your body or another person. Sit in your parked car with loud music on and yell at whoever or whatever is causing you problems. Punch a pillow or even your whole mattress. Destry things that won't harm you in a disassembled state (yes on tearing up a pillow; no on breaking glass). Redirecting your emotions allows you to feel catharsis without causing any actual harm.

7. Reward yourself
For some people, having a reward system helps keep dangerous behaviors in check. This can have as much or as little structure as you'd like. It might be a system set up in advance where you have a list of rewards for making it X amount of days without engaging in harmful behavior. It could also be having a secret snack stash or video game that you gain access to only when you are actively controlling your impulses. Some people like having a visual reminder of how long they've made it without those behaviors. You know yourself best, so find what motivates you and use it to stop yourself from doing further harm.


What do you find helps when you feel like engaging in harmful behaviors? Trade tips in the comments.

10 journal prompts to improve relationships

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In the past, we have looked at journal prompts to increase self-reflection. It is a very powerful way to explore yourself and come to a better understanding of who you are. Because this is currently my most popular post of all time, I thought we’d look at some other ideas to write about. This time, we’ll take a look at questions that can help you improve your relationships.

Remember, journaling can also be done visually through drawing, painting, collage and so on. For some examples of art therapy exercises, check this out. You can modify them to fit these prompts.

1. Make a list of the most important people in your life. What do you admire about each of them? 
2. What are nice things that others have done for you? Can you do any of these things for someone else?
3. Pick a relationship you cherish. Write a letter to this person explaining why this relationship is especially important to you. (Sending it is optional.)
4. Think about couple you feel have a loving relationship. What have you observed them doing that you’d like to see in your own relationships?
5. Write about childhood friendships. What positive things did you do as a child that you have lost over the years? 
6. Make a list of traits you have. Next to each of them, list who else in your life has those traits. You might find some new common ground.
7. Who has had the greatest influence on you? Why have these people mattered so much?
8. How can the examples of others help you improve yourself?
9. Have you had a special relationship with a pet? What have you learned from this that can help you be better in your human relationships?
10. What kind of person do you want to be in the context of your relationships (sister, boyfriend, student, etc.)?

What did you discover using these prompts? Do you have any other ones you’d like to share? The comments are open!

25 safety tips

Being the victim of a crime or accident can be traumatizing and, as we know, trauma is bad for your mental health. This is why it’s very important to protect yourself at all times. Following are 25 ways you can be safer in your everyday life.

     

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1. Let someone you trust know where you are going and when you will be back.
2. When walking, be aware of your surroundings at all times. You can check your phone later.
3. Keep your car doors locked both while parked and driving.
4. Do not “check in” on social media when you are out of town. It will alert potential burglars that you are gone.
5. Have your keys out when walking to your car or home so you can enter more quickly.
6. Walk on the side of the street that is facing traffic.
7. Keep any entrances to your home well-lit.
8. Always secure your windows and lock your doors.
9. Never tell anyone that you are home alone.
10. If you receive a call from someone about a problem with your credit card, hang up and call the number on the back of your card to make sure it’s actually them. 
11. Never accept drinks that have already been opened or are given to you by strangers.
12. Do not leave valuable items visible in your car. Store them in the trunk.
13. If someone calls and has the wrong number, do not give them your name or repeat the number back to them.
14. Stay on well-lit streets. If it takes you longer to get somewhere, so be it.
15. Get a copy of your credit report once a year (it’s free) and check for inconsistencies. 
16. When out of town for an extended period, have someone check on your home regularly.
17. Shred all papers that contain personal information.
18. Stay away from bushes and other overgrown areas.
19. Use a headset while driving or, better yet, stay off the phone while on the road.
20. Don’t leave a spare key near your front door. Consider leaving it with a trusted neighbor or family member.
21. Hang up immediately if you receive an obscene or harassing call. If the problem persists, contact law enforcement.
22. Memorize important PINs and passwords; do not write them down.
23. Get sufficient sleep so you are alert, especially if you are driving long distances.
24. If you have a GPS, set “home” as somewhere near where you live, but not your exact location.
25. If you are being followed, don’t stop. Keep walking or driving to the nearest public place.

How do you keep yourself safe? Share your most helpful tips in the comments.

Past vs. present

   

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When in the middle of a stressful or triggering situation, it can be easy to let emotions get the best of you. The thing is, those feelings aren’t always connected to the present circumstances. Luckily, there’s a quick way to calm down and see what’s really going on. It’s called past vs. present.

This technique is pretty much what the name suggests: comparing the past and the present. When you are feeling emotionally overwhelmed, take a minute to look back and consider other times you have felt similarly. Then you can tell yourself what is currently different than the past situation. Here are some examples to help you get the point.

You ask out someone that you met at a party and get rejected. This might make you feel upset or confused and lower your self-esteem. When you think of where you’ve felt those feelings before, you realize that it’s how you felt when your ex left you. But in the present, we’re not talking about someone you had made a commitment with. This concerns a relative stranger. Someone you just met should not be allowed to have the same emotional sway as someone you were deeply connected to. You recognize that the current situation does not carry as much weight as the one in the past, so while it’s not fun being let down, it doesn’t have to ruin your day.

You have to give a presentation at work. No matter how much you prepare, you feel anxious and like you are going to mess up. You are afraid you’re going to be made fun of, so you think back and see if you can remember a time that it actually happened. You remember that in junior high, you had to do a presentation, but forgot and had to go in front of the class unprepared. As you stumbled around a topic you didn’t know much about, you could hear snickering and whispers in the room. In the present, however, you are prepared. You know the material and have been practicing what you will say. You don’t have to feel as nervous as you did back then.

Someone you encounter seems to upset you for no reason. You don’t know why you dislike him; others around you might think he’s great. She may never have said or done a single offensive thing to you, but you can’t get rid of your dislike for her. That is when you look back and see who this person reminds you of. Maybe he looks like a mean coach you once had. Maybe she has the same tone of voice your mom had when she was angry. It can also be a matter of position, such as having a bad experience with a doctor and projecting that onto future doctors. Once you can recognize that the person who upset you is actually in the past, you can move forward with the present person.

It can sometimes be a little tricky to find out who or what you are actually dealing with emotionally, but a little reflection can go a long way. Even if you can’t find a person or reason in your past, looking for it might help you realize that the situation is not as bad as it might feel. 

Do you think this technique could be helpful for you? Try it out and come back to tell us how it went.

Make a 5-step safety plan right now

In the midst of a crisis, it’s hard to think clearly and make good decisions. That’s why it’s important to know ahead of times what to do when the going gets tough. A safety plan gives you a template for action when you are feeling suicidal, tempted to self-harm, drawn into addictions, engaging in unhealthy behaviors or feeling self-destructive. 

Having a written safety plan can be a huge help when you’re symptomatic, so let’s make one. One way of doing this is by looking at all the questions surrounding the issue. By using those five Ws, you can pretty quickly explore the many facets of staying safe. Grab a piece of paper or copy the questions into your word processor and finish this post with a safety plan in hand. 

 

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Who can I talk to?

You don’t have to go through tough times alone. Write down the people in your support system who are good listeners and who know how to make you feel better. Include their addresses, phone numbers and/or email addresses just in case you don’t have access to that information. Put a suggestion by each name stating what this person can be helpful for, like “Call my boyfriend to hear why I am loved,” or “Visit my mom to get advice.” 

What can I do to feel better?

Think about difficult times in the past and try to identify what, exactly, you were feeling and maybe even what caused those feelings. By identifying what’s setting you off, you can better find ways to manage it. Write a list of your most common triggers and a healthy way to deal with each one. This might look like “When I feel scared to go outside, I can have someone come with me,” or “When I am disappointed, I can create a gratitude list.”

When do I need to seek help?

Know your limits. Create a guide showing what to do at the different stages you might escalate through. This takes away the decision making element that can be overwhelming when you are upset. It could look something like this: “Feeling sad: Go for a walk. Wanting to hurt myself: Spend time around friends. Engaged in self-injury: Care for my wounds, then do something nice for myself. Feeling suicidal: E-mail my therapist. Actively suicidal: Call a suicide hotline or 911.”

Where can I go?

Sometimes a change of scenery can make all the difference. Make a list of places that you enjoy or that are helpful to you. While still being safe, make sure you have options for both day and night, even if it’s just a different room in the house. Some places you might want to consider are the homes of loved ones, support groups, your favorite park, a local coffee shop, the library, a scenic route for driving or even your own backyard.

Why should I not do this?

Make a list of all the reasons acting on your impulses aren’t a good idea. Acknowledge the negative consequences, but make sure to also stay positive. Having something worth not giving in for is really helpful. This could range from “I want to keep my body healthy,” to “I want to reach three months without this behavior,” or simply, “I deserve to be happy.” If you need help getting started, a list of reasons to recover can be found here.

Keep copies of your safety plan in accessible places, like in your purse, wallet, backpack, car, nightstand, comfort box and on your phone. You can also give them to people you trust who will notice when you are having a tough time so that they’ll have a guide for how to best help you. If you haven’t already been following along, I really suggest you do this. Having a safety plan is invaluable when you are in the midst of being symptomatic. It’s a lot easier to think of things now than in the moment.

What did you include in your safety plans? Is something important missing? Make suggestions in the comments.

15 ways to improve your mood in 15 minutes or less

Recovery is a long-term process, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t quick fixes along the way. Sometimes, a few minutes is all that’s needed to clear up some anxiety or get rid of the blues. So the next time you are feeling out of sorts, try one of these suggestions. With time, you’ll have your own list of what works best for you.

1. Meditate. Taking a few minutes to slow down, focus on your breathing and clear your mind relaxes both your body and mind.

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2. Laugh. They don’t say that laughter is the best medicine for no reason. Bookmark funny YouTube videos and silly cat pictures that make you giggle.

3. Move around. Whether it’s jumping around and dancing or taking a walk around the block, getting a little exercise makes your body release endorphins, which in turn boost your mood.

4. Do something nice. By performing a random act of kindness, you take your focus off yourself and your problems, which means both the receiver and you benefit.  

5. Take a nap. Close your eyes and drift away for a while. Taking long naps can mess with your sleep cycle, though, so keep it short and sweet.

6. Pull out your journal. The nice thing about journaling is that it takes what’s in your head and places it somewhere else. If needed, here are some journaling prompts.

7. Talk to someone. Call that friend who always knows how to cheer you up. A little human contact can go a long way.

8. Snack. At times, we get grumpy or irritable because we haven’t eaten. Eat a healthy snack or indulge in something you love.

9. Listen to music. Create a playlist of songs that make you feel better. Keep it on your phone, your work computer, in your car – wherever you might need it.

10. Get some sunlight. Soaking in some sunlight increases your vitamin D levels. This, in turn, boosts your serotonin levels, which keeps you happy.

11. Look at pictures. Take a walk down memory lane. Seeing good times and people you love will make you smile and remind you that things aren’t so bad. 

12. Spend time with a pet. A little time with your cat, dog, hamster, bird or whatever you have reduces stress. Besides, they’re just so cute. 

13. Aromatherapy. Scents impact people’s moods. Use your favorite smell or try citrus, lavender, basil, cinnamon or peppermint. 

14. Learn something new. There’s that little high that comes with finding out something really cool. Click on a few Wikipedia pages and see what comes up.

15. Make a gratitude list. A tried and true method for improving your mood is to make a list of things you are grateful for. It’s hard to be unhappy when you are thinking about what you appreciate.

What helps you feel better in 15 minutes? Share your tips in the comments.

10-question assessment on recovery progress

Every once in a while, it’s good to check in with ourselves and see where we’re at. Recovery is a long process and it’s not always possible to see progress from day to day. But over time, all the effort you put in does add up. Sometimes, it is nice to be able to look back and say, “Wow, I’ve come a long way!”

I recommend writing down your answers to these questions and then doing it over again in a few months. You can keep doing this and have a record of your progress. The insights gained over time can be shared with your therapist, who can give you additional feedback on how you’re doing. He or she can also give you standardized assessments, such as ones measuring depression or anxiety, to use in addition to this self-assessment.

    

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1. What did I use to be like?

Think back a year, six months or since you last answered these questions. Describe what you were doing and what your struggles were.

2. What am I like now? 

Describe your daily functioning, both where you excel and where you could do better. Note any major changes that have happened, such as starting a new relationship or quitting a job. 

3. What coping mechanisms did I use in the past?

Make note of what you did when you were symptomatic. Point out which strategies worked, which ones didn’t and whether or not you now believe they were healthy ways of handling things.

4. What coping mechanisms do I use now?

State what helps you cope right now. Consider whether you have found healthier and more effective ways of handling your symptoms. If you haven’t, what might you do to improve?

5. Where am I at with my goals?

Think about any goals you have made and whether or not you’re making progress on them. Also make plans for the next step in each one and feel free to set new ones.

6. What areas can I improve in?

Consider all facets of your life and pick one or two areas you feel like aren’t quite up to par. Think of ways to make progress with those things.

7. What makes me proud?

Go through all the changes you have made and identify what makes you the most proud. Staying positive and acknowledging the good can give you motivation to keep doing the things that work.

8. Am I getting the support I need?

Take inventory of the people in your life and ask yourself if they are helping or hindering your progress. Also note if there is anything that specific individuals can do and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

9. Is my treatment working?

List the different components of your treatment (therapy, medications, self-care, etc.) and consider if they are actually helpful. If one isn’t, can it be changed or should it be replaced by something else?

10. Where would I like to be by the next time I self-assess? 

Envision what you would like to see happen in the coming months. Be realistic, but don’t underestimate yourself either.

How do you measure your progress? Make suggestions in the comments.

5 paths to self-discovery

One of the primary purposes of therapy is to learn more about yourself. This process of self-discovery allows you to understand what’s going on with you, which then leads to better decisions that create a happier life. But finding out who you are doesn’t have to be limited to an hour a week. There are other ways to discover new things about yourself.

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1. Make a timeline

Using a poster board (or just lots of paper taped together), create a timeline of your life. Include major events (starting kindergarten, first boy/girlfriend, death of grandparent), but also changes in who you are (depressive episodes, discovering hobbies, learning the importance of self-care). Alternately, you can have a sheet of paper for every year of your life. If you put this in a binder, you can add to it as time goes on. You can even use pictures. As you look through your timeline, you can discover patterns in your life or connections you would not otherwise have made. For instance, did your anxiety start at the same time you switched schools? This, and the rest of your timeline, is useful information to share with your therapist.

2. Meditation/spiritual practice

We all try to get a sense of how we, as individuals, connect to the larger “whole” of humanity and the universe. Many people find this meaning in spiritual practices. No matter what your belief system is, it can help you discover purpose within your life. Meditation is one practice that can be applied across religions (or the lack thereof). The concentration required for meditation opens your mind up to new insights and ideas. Other spiritual practices – such as prayer, worship or talking to a religious leader – can also be profound ways to learn about yourself.

3. Trying new things

Remember when you were a kid and something on your plate looked gross and you didn’t want to eat it? A parent probably told you that you don’t know you don’t like it until you try it. This principle can be very widely applied. You don’t know how you’ll feel about new activities and experiences until you have actually attempted them. Finding new interests through exploration and experimentation lets you discover parts of you that you didn’t even know were there. Alternately, if something doesn’t resonate with you, that says something about you, too. Do something you would not normally do. Go see a play in the park, try your hand at tennis or go to a foreign restaurant to see if, yes, you like it because you tried it. 

4. Journaling

Writing can be a very powerful tool of self-discovery. The process of putting words on paper brings up things you didn’t know were there, allowing new information about yourself to surface. It also gives you a record throughout time, allowing you to see how you’ve progressed in your thinking and your recovery. It is a mindful and in-depth form of looking at things. Journaling can be done in many ways. You can do it freestyle where you just go with whatever comes along or you can work with prompts. A list of them can be found here. 

5. Ask questions

Children learn more content in a shorter amount of time than adults do. That is, in part, because kids ask so many questions. As we get older, we like to think we have things figured out, but embracing that you don’t know everything will ultimately make you wiser. Ask yourself questions about yourself, the people around you and larger issues. Why is your favorite color the one it is? Why do people tend to cut conversations short with you? How do you feel about sending people to prison? By actually examining yourself and the world around you, you get a fuller understanding of who you are, what matters to you, what you believe in, what your priorities are, who you want to become and so on. 

How do you learn more about yourself? Tell your self-discovery stories in the comments.

25 reasons to recover

On tough days, it’s important to remember why you are working on your recovery at all. When steeped in negativity, it’s hard to think of what you have to gain. But it is important that you do. Motivation and hope can get people through a lot. 

So what keeps you going? I suggest that you make a list of reasons why you want to recover. There is always something. Even if your list has a single item, you can turn to that one reason you have when you are feeling discouraged. You can do your list all at once and add to it as you think of new ones, or you can decide to write down one a day for as long as you can. To get started, here are 25 examples.

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1. So you can feel confident in your own skin.
2. To truly be there for your loved ones.
3. To understand yourself better.
4. So you don’t have to worry about keeping up appearances. 
5. To think more clearly.
6. So you don’t have to be scared of going outside.
7. To be a more empathetic person.
8. So you can get out of bed in the morning with a smile on your face.
9. So you’re not afraid of food.
10. Because you deserve the best life you can live.
11. To be honest when you say, “Fine,” when others ask how you are.
12. So you can wear whatever you want without being uncomfortable.
13. To show your loved ones that you care about them.
14. So you don’t always compare yourself to others.
15. To concentrate better.
16. So you can actually enjoy celebrations. 
17. To feel motivated and inspired.
18. To improve your physical health.
19. To become a more accepting person.
20. So your dreams can become realities.
21. To show others that it is possible.
22. To feel like life is worthwhile.
23. Because you believe in second chances.
24. To show that you love yourself.
25. Simply do it because you can.

What are your reasons? Add to the list in the comments.

5 habits that promote mental health

Mental health is not something you are born with or without. It is something that can be impacted by as many different things as your physical health can. We might take vitamins and get flu shots to protect our bodies, but do we offer the same level of care to our mind? Here are some habits that can help your mental and emotional health.

1. Take care of your body

Your mind and your body interact on a constant basis. What you do to one will surely affect the other. That’s why taking care of your body is essential. Consult your doctor to find out what is best for you, but here are some general guidelines. Eat appropriate amounts of healthy food on a regular basis. Ideally, you should do moderate exercise for half an hour five times a week. But anything helps, even five minutes of stretching. Work your way up to it. And make sure you get enough sleep. Every body is different, but some research indicates that 7 hours is optimal.

    

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2. Learn new things

If you don’t stretch your mind, how do you expect to keep it in shape? Your brain needs the occasional challenge and learning is a great way to do this. Learning new things promotes qualities such as confidence, happiness, self-efficacy, independence and wisdom. Keeping the mind active can stave off some of the effects of age-related cognitive problems. While it’s fun and comforting to do things you already enjoy, learning something new has an even greater effect on your mind. Learn to cook Thai food, paint with watercolors, restore cars, woodwork or take on a new language. This last one is especially great for mental growth.

3. Reduce stress

Stress is unavoidable. Some amount of it is healthy because it helps us get things done, but having too much can have negative consequences for your mental health. There are many studies supporting this. So find ways to reduce the load. If your child is having a birthday party and you’re trying to clean the house, decorate, make treat bags and bake a cake, maybe you should just buy a cake at the store. If you have overwhelming work responsibilities, see if you can delegate some duties to someone else. For some tips on managing stress, read this.

4. Engage in self-care

Life is so full of demands that sometimes we forget to just slow down and assess what we actually need. When you feel scared, overwhelmed, frustrated, in pain or otherwise having a difficult time, stop and ask yourself what you actually need. Commit to act on it. If you need to slow things down, try some grounding techniques. If you are hungry, grab a snack. If you feel lonely, call up a friend. Something inside of you always knows what you need and you need to learn to listen to that part of you. It’s best to take care of how you’re feeling before it develops into something bigger.

5. Ask for help

Sometimes we think that we should be able to handle everything life throws at us. But the truth is, humans are social creatures for a reason. We need each other. So when you are depressed, overwhelmed, anxious, distracted or otherwise having problems, it’s okay to ask for help. This can involve anything from going to therapy to having a neighborhood kid mow your lawn for you. What matters is that you’re not going through your struggles alone. Besides, connecting with other people is good in and of itself. And you never know when you might be helping someone else simply by being in touch.

What healthy mental health habits do you have? Leave other suggestions in the comments.

5 things to do after a hard session

Therapy can be hard. It takes a lot out of you and can even have you feeling worse than when you started (hopefully in a productive way). But sometimes you can be at a loss for what to do after a particularly difficult session. Here are five suggestions.

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1. Journaling

Write down your thoughts and feelings about the session. Sometimes getting it out on paper takes the edge off what you are feeling. It allows your mind to let go of the stress more easily because the information is now external. This strategy also allows you to look back at what you wrote at a later time, maybe in the next session. A lot of good content can come from that.

2. Self-care

If you were not feeling well physically, you would hopefully spend some time taking care of yourself. The same should go if you are emotionally exhausted. Do things that make you feel better. Go for a walk. Take a hot bath. Eat comfort foods. If the things you do involve taking care of your body, all the better. Physical and mental health are closely linked (read more here).

3. Distraction

Sometimes you just need to get your mind off of what’s upsetting you. Do something else that requires your attention. Watch a movie. Put together a puzzle. Try making a new recipe. Don’t try to avoid what you’re dealing with. That won’t fix anything. But it’s perfectly healthy to set it aside for a bit while you recuperate. 

4. Enjoyment

Things that make us happy can help dissipate lingering negative emotions. Focusing on something you love for a while can be very calming and healing. Play your favorite sport. Go to a concert. Have a good conversation with a friend whose company you enjoy. There’s a time to work on hard things, but there is also time to savor what life has to offer.

5. Expression

Similarly to journaling, this is all about getting what’s inside of you out into the open. Just take what you are thinking and feeling and put it in a different form. This can include making art, storytelling, dancing, acting, creating music and crafting. Use a medium you are comfortable with or explore something new. You never know what will come out of it.

What do you do after a tough session? Trade ideas in the comments.

15 grounding techniques

Grounding is a very useful tool when you are feeling symptomatic. It is finding a way to stay in the present moment instead of giving in to what your mental illness is causing you to experience. It can be used to decrease anxiety, help with reality testing, stop flashbacks, reduce dissociation, end panic attacks and more. 

There are lots of different grounding techniques. Having strategies in mind ahead of time can help reduce distress in the moment. Knowing which ones work are a matter of trial and error, so here is a list of 15 that you can try out.

     

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1. Name five things you can see, three things you can hear and one thing you can smell. 
2. Describe your environment (“The carpet is beige and soft. The chair I’m sitting in is made of wood. The walls are painted green,” etc.).
3. Focus on your breathing. Breathe in through your nose for four counts, hold your breath for seven and exhale through your mouth for eight.
4. Carry something small that you can play with (bracelet, stress ball, putty, etc.). Focus while you use it.
5. Go through the alphabet and think of something for each letter (names of bands, movies, cities, etc.).
6. Get a hot or icy drink and focus on the sensation of drinking it.
7. Smell something you find calming. You can put on lotion or carry a handkerchief with perfume or essential oils on it.
8. Take a shower or a bath. Notice how the water feels on your skin and imagine that all of your stress is being washed away.
9. Say reassuring things to yourself out loud. (“I am in my apartment and it’s safe here. I am loved. I can call a friend if I need to,” etc.)
10. Move. Go for a walk, wiggle your toes; do whatever works for the situation you’re in.
11. Mentally go through everything you did today. (“My alarm went off at 8:00. I got up and took a shower. I ate breakfast,” etc.)
12. Listen to music you find comforting. Pick out all the different instruments                                                                          and notice how each of them sounds.
13. Engage in a hobby you enjoy. Let everything else go while you focus on doing what you love.
14. Write down exactly what you’re thinking and feeling. Imagine it disappearing into the paper. You can tear it up when you’re done, if you’d like, and throw those thoughts and feelings away.
15. Put your feet on the floor. Keep your eyes open. Engage all five of your senses. Force yourself to stay in the present.

What grounding techniques work for you? Let’s make a list in the comments.

5 ways nature can heal

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Nature has been helping people heal long before the inventions of therapy and medication. Humans were developed to survive without any modern conveniences, so it only makes sense that the natural world holds things that can help us in recovering. 

Consider what nature can do for you, even if you don’t want to leave the house. Inspired by the (hopefully) nice spring weather, here are five suggestions for how nature can help in your healing process.

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1. Sounds and scents

Nature can be very soothing and calming. It’s simple to bring nature inside through your senses. If you are lucky, you live somewhere you can simply open your window to hear and smell a forest or brook. But for the rest of us, turning on some nature sounds and lighting a flower-scented candle will have to do the trick. 

There are websites that let you blend and customize different sounds, such as this one. It is also said that certain scents will alter your mood, filling you with calmness, energy or concentration. Here is an example of a list of how certain scents might benefit you. Google will give you plenty more.

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2. Gardening

While some of us hate weeding (guilty), some people find gardening to be a soothing and stress-relieving hobby. It gives you the satisfaction of seeing your hard work bloom, which can do wonders for your confidence and self-efficacy. 

Even city-dwellers holed up in apartments can reap the benefits of caring for plants. A flower box can be used to make a beautiful display or to be used to grow herbs and small vegetables. For those who are interested in growing their own food in cities, look up urban gardening. It’s a real thing.

  

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3. Food and supplements

What you eat determines a large part of your health. It is, after all, what makes up your body. Good nutrition in general is beneficial to physical and mental health, but specific foods can serve individual purposes. Supposedly, blueberries should make you less stressed while walnuts make you happier.

In addition to providing food, nature also gives us plants and herbs that hold healing properties. The scientific backing on these varies, so do your research. But from what I’ve heard, some places use St. John’s wort as a first line of treatment for depression, preceding anti-depressants. But if you do want to try a supplement, talk to your doctor. Some can interfere with medications or make certain health conditions worse.

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4. Pets

The creatures we share this world with can become healing as friends, or even part of the family. My cat can tell when I am anxious or depressed and will cuddle up with me extra much. Having a pet also gives you a daily responsibility, forcing you to have interaction and get out of bed.

Sometimes, people have specially trained service or therapy animals. Dogs, for instance, can be trained to help with PTSD symptoms. I have also heard of ones that will bring your medication to you if you are bedridden, so it’s pretty incredible what animals can do.

  

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5. Spending time outdoors

Then, of course, there is simply going out into nature. Take advantage of whatever is nearby – forests, mountains, beaches or city parks. If you want more variety, plan vacations and road trips around the environments you’d like to spend more time in.

While outside, do activities that you enjoy. There’s more to do than hikes or walks. Some options include riding bikes, swimming, picnics, sketching or painting, picking flowers, snow activities, bird watching, playing children’s games and just sitting down and enjoying your surroundings.  Sometimes a breath of fresh air is exactly what’s needed to feel better.

What gifts of nature do you use in your recovery? Exchange ideas in the comments.

5 steps to finding your best coping skills

I experience one type of distress when I have interpersonal problems and another when I am anxious about school. What helps with one will not always help with the other. That’s why it can be useful to map out what will help when you are feeling certain ways. Today I’ll lead you through an exercise to make a list of what will help you when you are feeling certain types of distress. 

I encourage you to grab a pen and some paper. You can also type on your computer (be prepared to copy and paste), but I’ll be creating a hypothetical sample by hand. If you write this up as you go along, you’ll have a very helpful tool at your disposal by the time you have finished reading this blog post. Really, you should do it. You’ll thank yourself later.

1. Identify what situations create strong emotional reactions in you. Write them out on a page. If you get stuck, consider the last month and identify situations that caused you distress. Write as many as you’d like. You can include things that are positive, but still potentially stressful. It might look something like this:

When you’re finished, you might find that you can combine similar items. In this case, I will combine “I feel rejected” and “I feel alone” to create “I feel rejected and lonely.” I will also make “I have a headache” and “my back hurts” become “I have physical pain.” If you don’t want to list specific situations, this exercise also works well if you make a list of emotions (angry, scared, nervous, overwhelmed, panicked, etc.).

2. Identify your coping tools. Create a list on a new piece of paper of what you have found helpful in the past when you are dealing with stress or strong emotions. You might also want to add things that you haven’t tried yet, but that might be helpful. There are lots of lists of coping skills at your disposal through Google. Give yourself as many options as possible. Include both items that improve the situations and ones that distract you from it, as each has its own uses. Here are some examples:

3. Take a third (and maybe fourth) piece of paper and use lines to make boxes for each of your identified trigger situations or emotions. Label each one. 

4. Think about what strategies from the second list help the most with the situations or emotions from the first. Try to find at least three strategies for each section.You can repeat your items. If you think of something that isn’t on the second list, that’s great! Add it anyway. You don’t have to include every coping mechanism you listed. What’s important is filling up those boxes with whatever is helpful.

5. Make your list accessible. Take a picture of it and put it on your phone. Keep a copy in your purse. Hang it on your bathroom mirror. Give copies to your support system so they know how to help you. Share it with your therapist. Just get your list out there so that when you do need to cope, you’ll already know how. It’s hard to think of things in the moment, but that will be less of a problem with this list on hand.

Did you try this exercise? What are some helpful matchings you found? Help each other out by sharing ideas in the comments.