Past vs. present

   

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When in the middle of a stressful or triggering situation, it can be easy to let emotions get the best of you. The thing is, those feelings aren’t always connected to the present circumstances. Luckily, there’s a quick way to calm down and see what’s really going on. It’s called past vs. present.

This technique is pretty much what the name suggests: comparing the past and the present. When you are feeling emotionally overwhelmed, take a minute to look back and consider other times you have felt similarly. Then you can tell yourself what is currently different than the past situation. Here are some examples to help you get the point.

You ask out someone that you met at a party and get rejected. This might make you feel upset or confused and lower your self-esteem. When you think of where you’ve felt those feelings before, you realize that it’s how you felt when your ex left you. But in the present, we’re not talking about someone you had made a commitment with. This concerns a relative stranger. Someone you just met should not be allowed to have the same emotional sway as someone you were deeply connected to. You recognize that the current situation does not carry as much weight as the one in the past, so while it’s not fun being let down, it doesn’t have to ruin your day.

You have to give a presentation at work. No matter how much you prepare, you feel anxious and like you are going to mess up. You are afraid you’re going to be made fun of, so you think back and see if you can remember a time that it actually happened. You remember that in junior high, you had to do a presentation, but forgot and had to go in front of the class unprepared. As you stumbled around a topic you didn’t know much about, you could hear snickering and whispers in the room. In the present, however, you are prepared. You know the material and have been practicing what you will say. You don’t have to feel as nervous as you did back then.

Someone you encounter seems to upset you for no reason. You don’t know why you dislike him; others around you might think he’s great. She may never have said or done a single offensive thing to you, but you can’t get rid of your dislike for her. That is when you look back and see who this person reminds you of. Maybe he looks like a mean coach you once had. Maybe she has the same tone of voice your mom had when she was angry. It can also be a matter of position, such as having a bad experience with a doctor and projecting that onto future doctors. Once you can recognize that the person who upset you is actually in the past, you can move forward with the present person.

It can sometimes be a little tricky to find out who or what you are actually dealing with emotionally, but a little reflection can go a long way. Even if you can’t find a person or reason in your past, looking for it might help you realize that the situation is not as bad as it might feel. 

Do you think this technique could be helpful for you? Try it out and come back to tell us how it went.