15 ways to improve your mood in 15 minutes or less

Recovery is a long-term process, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t quick fixes along the way. Sometimes, a few minutes is all that’s needed to clear up some anxiety or get rid of the blues. So the next time you are feeling out of sorts, try one of these suggestions. With time, you’ll have your own list of what works best for you.

1. Meditate. Taking a few minutes to slow down, focus on your breathing and clear your mind relaxes both your body and mind.

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2. Laugh. They don’t say that laughter is the best medicine for no reason. Bookmark funny YouTube videos and silly cat pictures that make you giggle.

3. Move around. Whether it’s jumping around and dancing or taking a walk around the block, getting a little exercise makes your body release endorphins, which in turn boost your mood.

4. Do something nice. By performing a random act of kindness, you take your focus off yourself and your problems, which means both the receiver and you benefit.  

5. Take a nap. Close your eyes and drift away for a while. Taking long naps can mess with your sleep cycle, though, so keep it short and sweet.

6. Pull out your journal. The nice thing about journaling is that it takes what’s in your head and places it somewhere else. If needed, here are some journaling prompts.

7. Talk to someone. Call that friend who always knows how to cheer you up. A little human contact can go a long way.

8. Snack. At times, we get grumpy or irritable because we haven’t eaten. Eat a healthy snack or indulge in something you love.

9. Listen to music. Create a playlist of songs that make you feel better. Keep it on your phone, your work computer, in your car – wherever you might need it.

10. Get some sunlight. Soaking in some sunlight increases your vitamin D levels. This, in turn, boosts your serotonin levels, which keeps you happy.

11. Look at pictures. Take a walk down memory lane. Seeing good times and people you love will make you smile and remind you that things aren’t so bad. 

12. Spend time with a pet. A little time with your cat, dog, hamster, bird or whatever you have reduces stress. Besides, they’re just so cute. 

13. Aromatherapy. Scents impact people’s moods. Use your favorite smell or try citrus, lavender, basil, cinnamon or peppermint. 

14. Learn something new. There’s that little high that comes with finding out something really cool. Click on a few Wikipedia pages and see what comes up.

15. Make a gratitude list. A tried and true method for improving your mood is to make a list of things you are grateful for. It’s hard to be unhappy when you are thinking about what you appreciate.

What helps you feel better in 15 minutes? Share your tips in the comments.

Don’t put a timetable on recovery

Like most people, I entered therapy not knowing what to expect. I had dealt with depression and other mental health symptoms for years, but thought that I could take charge of my problems in a matter of weeks – a few months at the most. Almost eight years later, I’m still at it.

Assuming when I would “get better” was a mistake. The thing is, you never know. You may ask a therapist for an estimate, and they’ll often give you one. 8-12 sessions is a frequently used figure. But really, there are so many factors that influence this. There is no way to calculate how long treatment will take. 

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It is unfair to both yourself and your therapist to set a timetable on recovery. There is nothing wrong with setting goals, but don’t make hard deadlines. The mind is very complex and what’s masquerading as a relatively simple concern might actually be liked to a much larger underlying problem. You just might not see it before you examine the presenting concern. 

On the other hand, sometimes it’s faster than you’d think. I’ve heard of people benefiting from a single session. All your life problems won’t be solved in an hour, but sometimes you luck out and get the insight you need a lot quicker than expected. Really, don’t go in expecting one session to fix everything, but know that what you think might take many months or years may actually not require that much time. 

Unfortunately, insurance companies aren’t nice about letting you take as long as you need. There are often limits on how many sessions they will pay for. This means that you will want to try to make the most of your time with your therapist. Talk to her about what to do. Seeing him every other week instead of weekly can give you slower progress, but it stretches out over a longer period of time. Together you can find out what’s best for you. Also, don’t be afraid to call your insurance company if you have questions. 

Even when therapy is over, it does not mean that your progress ends there. You should not expect to be completely “fixed.” Recovery is a journey, not a destination. For many people, managing one’s mental health is a life-long endeavor. Improving your mental health is a long-term commitment. However long it takes to feel better is how long it takes. Just don’t stop trying. The “do it at home” tag is a great source for exercises to keep up your progress independently of therapy.

I know it’s hard, but don’t stress about how long your recovery will take. That only creates more anxiety and concern. Accept yourself for where you are at and be proud of yourself for any progress, no matter how small. It’s heading in the right direction that matters. Maybe you’ll feel better soon and maybe you won’t. The persistence you put in to your recovery will, however, eventually pay off. 

Are you able to be patient with yourself about the rate you’re progressing at? How did you come to peace with it?  Let us know with a comment.

10-question assessment on recovery progress

Every once in a while, it’s good to check in with ourselves and see where we’re at. Recovery is a long process and it’s not always possible to see progress from day to day. But over time, all the effort you put in does add up. Sometimes, it is nice to be able to look back and say, “Wow, I’ve come a long way!”

I recommend writing down your answers to these questions and then doing it over again in a few months. You can keep doing this and have a record of your progress. The insights gained over time can be shared with your therapist, who can give you additional feedback on how you’re doing. He or she can also give you standardized assessments, such as ones measuring depression or anxiety, to use in addition to this self-assessment.

    

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1. What did I use to be like?

Think back a year, six months or since you last answered these questions. Describe what you were doing and what your struggles were.

2. What am I like now? 

Describe your daily functioning, both where you excel and where you could do better. Note any major changes that have happened, such as starting a new relationship or quitting a job. 

3. What coping mechanisms did I use in the past?

Make note of what you did when you were symptomatic. Point out which strategies worked, which ones didn’t and whether or not you now believe they were healthy ways of handling things.

4. What coping mechanisms do I use now?

State what helps you cope right now. Consider whether you have found healthier and more effective ways of handling your symptoms. If you haven’t, what might you do to improve?

5. Where am I at with my goals?

Think about any goals you have made and whether or not you’re making progress on them. Also make plans for the next step in each one and feel free to set new ones.

6. What areas can I improve in?

Consider all facets of your life and pick one or two areas you feel like aren’t quite up to par. Think of ways to make progress with those things.

7. What makes me proud?

Go through all the changes you have made and identify what makes you the most proud. Staying positive and acknowledging the good can give you motivation to keep doing the things that work.

8. Am I getting the support I need?

Take inventory of the people in your life and ask yourself if they are helping or hindering your progress. Also note if there is anything that specific individuals can do and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

9. Is my treatment working?

List the different components of your treatment (therapy, medications, self-care, etc.) and consider if they are actually helpful. If one isn’t, can it be changed or should it be replaced by something else?

10. Where would I like to be by the next time I self-assess? 

Envision what you would like to see happen in the coming months. Be realistic, but don’t underestimate yourself either.

How do you measure your progress? Make suggestions in the comments.

Honoring large-scale trauma

Trigger warning: This post gives a general overview of a traumatic event and the aftermath.

This will be an opinion post. 

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Today I’d like to talk about something very personal. But first, you need to know a little about me. My mom is American while my dad is Norwegian. We lived in Norway until I was a teenager, when we moved to the U.S. I identify with both cultures and, yes, I still speak Norwegian.

This July 22 is the three-year anniversary of a tragedy in Norway. A man set off a bomb in the government district of Oslo, killing eight. He then proceeded to massacre 69 people at a youth camp on the island of Utøya where escape was near impossible. These attacks severely injured several more. This has been called Norway’s 9/11, though for the sake of this post I will not make comparisons between the two.

One thing that makes this attack particularly heartbreaking is how widespread the effects were. It was a political camp for teenagers and young adults. The average age of those who died there was 19. But they weren’t all locals. There were representatives from all over the country attending the camp. This spread out the effects because every community had young people who either never came home or came back changed for life. This lead to a deep, nation-wide sorrow.

That event, its aftermath and the anniversary every year has been hard on me. There is research that suggests that high levels of media exposure of a traumatic event can cause secondary effects. I have, at times, been glued to my computer reading and watching news about it. Empathizing with those in a tragedy is normal and healthy, but the level of pain I felt was magnified with every detail I learned. I have had to seek help for this. And that’s okay.

Last night, after noting the timezones placed Norway in July 22, I got very upset. I was at my boyfriend’s apartment and he listened to me talk and cry. When I had done this for a while, he had an idea. He is Latino, so cultural differences do come up in our relationship. He asked how Norwegians mourned. The first thing that came to mind was flowers. After the attacks, unbelievable amounts of flowers were placed at sites related to the attacks. Other cities created places to put them, too. And there were gatherings where everyone brought roses.

When I told him this, he suggested I get roses and put them in places that are significant to me. I thought about it overnight and have come up with a small list. After posting this, I am going to go and buy a half-dozen white roses and commence the process of distributing them. This idea is helping me make peace with this day. I am still upset, but it’s a little more tolerable now that I have a way to express my experience.

There are three things I hoped to convey with this post:

1. Even if you aren’t directly involved, traumatic events can legitimately have an effect on you. If they are affecting you, bring it up with your therapist. It’s okay that it’s not about you.

2. When bad things happen, support can be found in communities. The community you’re in might be as small as your family; it’s connection and sharing the impact that’s important.

3. Everyone has different ways of mourning and it is healthy for you to find your own way to handle grief. It can be in line with a culture or uniquely your own. The important thing is that you express your feelings appropriately.

The sad truth is that every day, intense violence affects people all over the world. Some places see it more than others. When something impacts you, whether directly, indirectly or through exposure, you need to find a way to manage your feelings. It’s okay to reach out. It’s also okay to privately and personally do what you need to do to find peace.

I’d like to end with something Stine Renate Håheim, one of the survivors at Utøya, said after the events: 

“If one man can show so much hate, think of how much love we could show together.”

5 paths to self-discovery

One of the primary purposes of therapy is to learn more about yourself. This process of self-discovery allows you to understand what’s going on with you, which then leads to better decisions that create a happier life. But finding out who you are doesn’t have to be limited to an hour a week. There are other ways to discover new things about yourself.

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1. Make a timeline

Using a poster board (or just lots of paper taped together), create a timeline of your life. Include major events (starting kindergarten, first boy/girlfriend, death of grandparent), but also changes in who you are (depressive episodes, discovering hobbies, learning the importance of self-care). Alternately, you can have a sheet of paper for every year of your life. If you put this in a binder, you can add to it as time goes on. You can even use pictures. As you look through your timeline, you can discover patterns in your life or connections you would not otherwise have made. For instance, did your anxiety start at the same time you switched schools? This, and the rest of your timeline, is useful information to share with your therapist.

2. Meditation/spiritual practice

We all try to get a sense of how we, as individuals, connect to the larger “whole” of humanity and the universe. Many people find this meaning in spiritual practices. No matter what your belief system is, it can help you discover purpose within your life. Meditation is one practice that can be applied across religions (or the lack thereof). The concentration required for meditation opens your mind up to new insights and ideas. Other spiritual practices – such as prayer, worship or talking to a religious leader – can also be profound ways to learn about yourself.

3. Trying new things

Remember when you were a kid and something on your plate looked gross and you didn’t want to eat it? A parent probably told you that you don’t know you don’t like it until you try it. This principle can be very widely applied. You don’t know how you’ll feel about new activities and experiences until you have actually attempted them. Finding new interests through exploration and experimentation lets you discover parts of you that you didn’t even know were there. Alternately, if something doesn’t resonate with you, that says something about you, too. Do something you would not normally do. Go see a play in the park, try your hand at tennis or go to a foreign restaurant to see if, yes, you like it because you tried it. 

4. Journaling

Writing can be a very powerful tool of self-discovery. The process of putting words on paper brings up things you didn’t know were there, allowing new information about yourself to surface. It also gives you a record throughout time, allowing you to see how you’ve progressed in your thinking and your recovery. It is a mindful and in-depth form of looking at things. Journaling can be done in many ways. You can do it freestyle where you just go with whatever comes along or you can work with prompts. A list of them can be found here. 

5. Ask questions

Children learn more content in a shorter amount of time than adults do. That is, in part, because kids ask so many questions. As we get older, we like to think we have things figured out, but embracing that you don’t know everything will ultimately make you wiser. Ask yourself questions about yourself, the people around you and larger issues. Why is your favorite color the one it is? Why do people tend to cut conversations short with you? How do you feel about sending people to prison? By actually examining yourself and the world around you, you get a fuller understanding of who you are, what matters to you, what you believe in, what your priorities are, who you want to become and so on. 

How do you learn more about yourself? Tell your self-discovery stories in the comments.

Diagnosis spotlight: depersonalization/derealization disorder

We all experience dissociation in some way or another. It can be as simple as highway hypnosis, where you suddenly realize you’ve driven for miles without noticing, and as complicated as dissociative identity disorder, formerly known as multiple personality disorder. Somewhere in-between, there is depersonalization/derealization disorder.

First of all, what are depersonalization and derealization?

Depersonalization refers to a distortion in self-awareness. You are, in a sense, unfamiliar with yourself. One typically experiences detachment from the body or the sense that it is unreal. It can even mean watching yourself from outside your body. The self just doesn’t feel real and things might seem like a part of a dream. It can also be watching yourself go about your day and making decisions, but not really feeling in control. Time might also be distorted and there can be physical and/or emotional numbing. 

Derealization is when everything else doesn’t feel real. Your surroundings might feel foggy, distorted, unreal or, again, like a dream. People, places and things that may be familiar seem strange or surreal. It’s hard to fully perceive the world around yourself and it might seem like you are watching everything through a filter of sorts. It can be like living in a bubble. What is around you is very separate from you and it can be hard to fully engage in life. 

Depersonalization/derealization disorder means having episodes of one or both of these. It can be accompanied with a feeling that you’re “going crazy.” There might also be vague physical symptoms, like tingling or lightheadedness. It is often associated with anxiety and/or depression. 

Approximately one-half of adults have had an episode of depersonalization or derealization. It happens. But when it is recurring or even constant, it can become pathological. Onset is almost always before age 25, so it’s something that can be experienced from a very young age. Childhood trauma is considered one of the causes of depersonalization and derealization, but it can happen without it. Symptoms can also be caused by physical conditions or substance use, so those need to be ruled out. Episodes are often preceded by high levels of stress, anxiety, depression, traumatic events (or reminders of them) and/or drug use.

Both therapy and medication are used to treat depersonalization/derealization disorder. In particular, cognitive behavioral therapy allows people to reinterpret the symptoms and psychodynamic therapy can look at unresolved and suppressed internal conflicts. Medication-wise, nothing has been approved specifically for the treatment of this disorder, but anxiety medication and anti-depressants have shown some success. There is also research supporting the use of lamotrigine, an anti-convulsant typically used to treat epilepsy. Using grounding techniques can also be very helpful.

Having the experiences of depersonalization and derealization can be very frightening. But it is a recognized mental health condition and a notable amount of people experience it. If you feel like the symptoms described apply to you, please talk to a doctor or therapist. It is possible to gain control over it enough to where it is not interfering with your life, if it doesn’t go away altogether. 

Have you experienced depersonalization or derealization? What was it like for you? Share your experience in the comments.

Vignette 5: What Would You Do?

Annie, a suicidal student

Background: Annie is a sophomore with a psychiatric history dating to age 12. She has had multiple depressive episodes and was hospitalized at 16 after a suicide attempt by overdose. She has been in some form of treatment off and on since she started high school. Annie engages in cutting but that is a coping measure and not suicidal in intent, though she frequently thinks about suicide.

Scene: Annie answers questions in class which alarm her instructor and classmates.

Dr. Hokumba: So, can you recall an experience in your life which is evoked by your reading this week? Yes, Annie?

Annie: (Raising her hand) Well, when I was sixteen I was sent to a hospital after I tried to kill myself. Let me tell ya, it was exactly like what Kafka said.

(Other students quickly turn around to look at Annie.)

Dr. Hokumba: I see. In what way?

Annie: (Holding up both wrists, which reveal very red marks on the wrists.) See? People freak out over this but I went because I overdosed. The hospital was like a maze just like Kafka spoke about. I never did figure out what was supposed to happen or what I was supposed to do. It just seemed like whatever I did was the wrong thing, but when I tried to do what they wanted it just made it worse, ya know?

(There is obvious discomfort among the students.)

Dr. Hokumba: (nervously) Anyone else?

Annie: But I’m used to it. I still think the way I used to. After all, suicide would have solved Kafka’s problem. My shrink says I am stubborn that way.

Dr. Hokumba: Annie, let’s talk more about that after class, OK?

(After class, Annie approaches Dr. Hokumba.)

Suggestions: First, if you plan on having class exercises which involve personal history, creative projections of fantasy, or stream of consciousness thinking, you need to be prepared to field and respond to disturbing material.  This means being familiar with sources of support, referral, and immediate crisis response.  In this vignette the student reveals her thinking is current and not just in the past, and the fact that she is in treatment already.  Make sure others in your area are aware of your meeting and consider having your campus police nearby for support if needed.  In your discussion encourage her to continue in treatment and make every effort to refer her for follow up that same day, either to the campus counseling service or her current therapist if she is being seen off campus.  Either way the situation warrants timely follow up in order to determine her current level of distress.  If in doubt, ask your campus counseling service to send a counselor to your office in order to make a literal handoff to those services.  There may be many other considerations involved which cannot be covered here, so follow the recommendations of the counselor as they are provided during your discussions.

25 reasons to recover

On tough days, it’s important to remember why you are working on your recovery at all. When steeped in negativity, it’s hard to think of what you have to gain. But it is important that you do. Motivation and hope can get people through a lot. 

So what keeps you going? I suggest that you make a list of reasons why you want to recover. There is always something. Even if your list has a single item, you can turn to that one reason you have when you are feeling discouraged. You can do your list all at once and add to it as you think of new ones, or you can decide to write down one a day for as long as you can. To get started, here are 25 examples.

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1. So you can feel confident in your own skin.
2. To truly be there for your loved ones.
3. To understand yourself better.
4. So you don’t have to worry about keeping up appearances. 
5. To think more clearly.
6. So you don’t have to be scared of going outside.
7. To be a more empathetic person.
8. So you can get out of bed in the morning with a smile on your face.
9. So you’re not afraid of food.
10. Because you deserve the best life you can live.
11. To be honest when you say, “Fine,” when others ask how you are.
12. So you can wear whatever you want without being uncomfortable.
13. To show your loved ones that you care about them.
14. So you don’t always compare yourself to others.
15. To concentrate better.
16. So you can actually enjoy celebrations. 
17. To feel motivated and inspired.
18. To improve your physical health.
19. To become a more accepting person.
20. So your dreams can become realities.
21. To show others that it is possible.
22. To feel like life is worthwhile.
23. Because you believe in second chances.
24. To show that you love yourself.
25. Simply do it because you can.

What are your reasons? Add to the list in the comments.

Have hope – it will change

  

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Mental illness has a way of trapping you into thinking that you are stuck in it forever. A depressed person doesn’t lay in bed for three weeks and say, “Two more and I’m good.” Someone doesn’t think, “I’ll have five more panic attacks and then I’m done.” It’s pervasive. And even if you can logically convince yourself that it isn’t going to last forever, it’s hard to believe it enough to get the accompanying feeling of relief. It’s like a kid the week before Christmas. It drags on forever. 

The point is, though, that it isn’t forever. Like I said, it’s hard to believe. Really hard. But it’s true. There is an end to it. Even if you are suffering from a lifelong condition, the way it manifests will change. There will be variation. The pain you are feeling won’t feel the same way for the rest of your days. 

There is always change. If you aren’t changing, the world around you is. You might not be capable of changing yourself at the moment. That’s okay. Some days/weeks/months/years/decades are like that. But others aren’t. An acquaintance might transform into a good friend. A family member might have a burst of inspiration that results in him being more helpful. Your therapist can learn something new about your diagnosis and apply it to your treatment. You have to believe in change.

Change happens on larger scales, too. Psychologists do studies to find out which treatments are more effective and why. Scientists invent new medications. People learn to become more sensitive to mental health issues. You never know when the next breakthrough is around the corner.

That is why you have to believe that change is possible. It’s happening around you all the time. But it is possible for change to happen to you as well. It might take a really long time, but it does happen. I tried several different medications of a certain class before we found one that worked. Did it suck until we found it? Yeah. Did some of them make me worse? Yes. But when we did find it, it made my life easier. I was in therapy for seven years before I decided to take a chance on a new treatment approach and it transformed my life. I’ve had bad relationships. If I had given up on people, I would not have a boyfriend that makes me better every single day.

You never know how long it will take to change and that’s scary. It really is. I spent over a decade almost constantly fighting with a certain terrible feeling before it subsided. If you’d told me at the start that that’s how long it would take, I might have given up before even trying to get better. That amount of time is overwhelming. But it is a lot shorter than the rest of my life.

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I’ve asked myself if it was worth it. How long can you endure misery before the chance of getting better is no longer worth it? There were times when I would have said not another day. Sometimes, I would have said that ridiculously many days in a row. But part of me didn’t let go. And eventually, things did turn around. 

It seems easy to say that, well, in retrospect it might be worth it. When you’re not in the midst of it, you can say it was possible to overcome. But my life is still affected by mental illness every single day. There are things I want to do that I can’t. Sometimes, I still get set off and have to spend a few days under the covers. But I have also found many things that are worth it. I have found relationships I could not have been healthy enough to manage before. I have come across new interests and started new hobbies that I would not have had the energy or concentration to learn about before. Even running this blog gives my life some sense of meaning. 

No one was more annoyed with the whole, “It gets better,” attitude than me. I felt like an exception. But the fact is that despite feeling hopeless, I still kept trying to get better. That effort pays off eventually. It will be small victories at first. It might be forgetting you’re suicidal for an hour or going a single day without drinking. But every bit of progress is still progress and it’s moving you forward. It might take you a thousand steps to get to somewhere when it takes someone else only 10, but you can still get there. 

With time, those steps do add up. Every day that you do your best matters. Everything is constantly in motion and you are becoming a new person minute by minute. Making the choice to recover helps you become a happier and healthier person. So love yourself for trying. That is one thing I always hold on to: I never stop trying. Knowing that alone has a powerful impact.

What gives you hope? Share stories in the comments.

5 habits that promote mental health

Mental health is not something you are born with or without. It is something that can be impacted by as many different things as your physical health can. We might take vitamins and get flu shots to protect our bodies, but do we offer the same level of care to our mind? Here are some habits that can help your mental and emotional health.

1. Take care of your body

Your mind and your body interact on a constant basis. What you do to one will surely affect the other. That’s why taking care of your body is essential. Consult your doctor to find out what is best for you, but here are some general guidelines. Eat appropriate amounts of healthy food on a regular basis. Ideally, you should do moderate exercise for half an hour five times a week. But anything helps, even five minutes of stretching. Work your way up to it. And make sure you get enough sleep. Every body is different, but some research indicates that 7 hours is optimal.

    

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2. Learn new things

If you don’t stretch your mind, how do you expect to keep it in shape? Your brain needs the occasional challenge and learning is a great way to do this. Learning new things promotes qualities such as confidence, happiness, self-efficacy, independence and wisdom. Keeping the mind active can stave off some of the effects of age-related cognitive problems. While it’s fun and comforting to do things you already enjoy, learning something new has an even greater effect on your mind. Learn to cook Thai food, paint with watercolors, restore cars, woodwork or take on a new language. This last one is especially great for mental growth.

3. Reduce stress

Stress is unavoidable. Some amount of it is healthy because it helps us get things done, but having too much can have negative consequences for your mental health. There are many studies supporting this. So find ways to reduce the load. If your child is having a birthday party and you’re trying to clean the house, decorate, make treat bags and bake a cake, maybe you should just buy a cake at the store. If you have overwhelming work responsibilities, see if you can delegate some duties to someone else. For some tips on managing stress, read this.

4. Engage in self-care

Life is so full of demands that sometimes we forget to just slow down and assess what we actually need. When you feel scared, overwhelmed, frustrated, in pain or otherwise having a difficult time, stop and ask yourself what you actually need. Commit to act on it. If you need to slow things down, try some grounding techniques. If you are hungry, grab a snack. If you feel lonely, call up a friend. Something inside of you always knows what you need and you need to learn to listen to that part of you. It’s best to take care of how you’re feeling before it develops into something bigger.

5. Ask for help

Sometimes we think that we should be able to handle everything life throws at us. But the truth is, humans are social creatures for a reason. We need each other. So when you are depressed, overwhelmed, anxious, distracted or otherwise having problems, it’s okay to ask for help. This can involve anything from going to therapy to having a neighborhood kid mow your lawn for you. What matters is that you’re not going through your struggles alone. Besides, connecting with other people is good in and of itself. And you never know when you might be helping someone else simply by being in touch.

What healthy mental health habits do you have? Leave other suggestions in the comments.

Thoughts to make you feel better

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Mental illness can be very discouraging. Sometimes, you just need a little boost of positivity to help you get through a challenging time. So if you are having one of those days, here are some thoughts that might make things seem a little more okay.

You deserve help

A sense of worthlessness often accompanies mental illness. When your ability to function and be productive is compromised, you can feel like you aren’t earning your place in the world. If you can’t give, then why should you receive? Alternately, if your problems are minimal, what makes you deserve help when it seems like others need it more?

The truth is, everyone deserves help. Everyone. No matter what. Help is not a limited resource. It is not something that is carefully allocated to whoever has earned it or is the most needy. Getting help can take so many forms, from having a cup of coffee with a neighbor to spending time in in-patient treatment. And even when you are receiving help, you might be giving it, too. A friend who listed to you might feel wanted and like her life has some purpose because you chose to open up to her. Your therapist could become a better clinician because he is working with you, furthering his ability to help others. You can’t make yourself an exception to everyone. You are a human being. You deserve help, no matter what you are or aren’t giving back.

You are not your struggles

Mental illness is not your identity. The way you handle it says more about you than the fact that you have it in the first place. Mental illness can happen to anyone at any time. You are not a flawed person for struggling with it. That’s just your particular battle at this point in time. When we admire someone, we don’t look up to her because of the odds she faced. We admire her because of what she did despite them. 

There are so many things that are more important and interesting about you than what your diagnosis is. What matters the most to you? What makes you passionate? Who do you love? What makes you laugh? Why do you keep trying? These are who you are. Having a name for a disorder can help a clinician get a general sense of what he’s dealing with, but it doesn’t mean much beyond that. Who you are has a larger impact on your life that what you are up against.

Trying means you are strong

The work it takes to recover can be astounding. It’s flat-out overwhelming at times. You might not be able to fix everything, but the fact that you are trying – even if it’s just a little bit – is an incredible feat of courage. Mental illness will try to make you succumb to it. It will tell you whatever it needs to in order to gain control over your life. But if you are putting forth effort, you are saying that you’re not giving in. Even if you slip up, the strength it takes to say you’ll try again anyway outweighs that mistake. And that is amazing. 

The smallest bit of effort can be a large victory because you aren’t on neutral ground. You’re not getting out of bed when you have a wonderful day to look forward to. You’re getting out of bed when everything inside of you is screaming at you to stay. You are going outside when you are crippled by fear. You take a chance by saying, “I’ll get through another day,” even when as far back as you can recall, all the days were miserable. It doesn’t look like much from the outside, but your determination to keep trying is an incredible feat.

What do you tell yourself when you get discouraged? Share your motivators in the comments.