Saturday, 29 March 2014

"Mom, Dad, can I have a therapist?"

David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
With the prevalence of mental health issues in children and adolescents, it’s important to seek help. Since research shows that half of all lifetime mental illnesses start before the age of 14, ignoring potential problems at a young age can lead to a lifetime of difficulties. It’s easier to treat symptoms when they are first appearing rather than waiting for a full-blown disorder to develop. 

Kids/teens: Asking for help is hard. Really hard. I know it is because I've had to do it. The systems that are in place to help you won't always work. Frankly, I'm surprised that some of the assignments I did in high school didn't lead to an after-class talk or referral to a counselor. Unfortunately, not being taken seriously can lead to an escalation in symptoms as you try to get someone to understand that you are
                                                                                                                experiencing internal distress.

If mental health issues are not prevalent in your family (or simply ignored and under-recognized), it can be a challenge to get taken seriously. A sixteen-year-old with mood swings? Nothing new. But when those "mood swings" involve not sleeping for a week followed by two months where all you want is to stay in bed, you probably need some help from someone. If your parents won’t listen, try talking to a trusted teacher or a school counselor. Seek help from the adults in your life that you feel comfortable with. And don’t give up. If you know something is wrong, it’s worth pushing until someone will listen because it will save you so much trouble in the long run.

Parents: Listen to your kids. Going in for an evaluation or talking to the school counselor won't kill you. A "better safe than sorry" approach (within reasonable limits) can save your child years of suffering. Since they are not finished developing both physically and mentally, where they're at is critical. Make sure they are at the best place possible. 

If you think your child might be struggling with symptoms of mental illness, try to find out as much as you can. Look for both patterns of behavior and out-of-character actions. Talk to teachers or others who spend significant time with your child. Ask what they have observed. Keep track of everything you notice and find out. Then talk to your doctor or health care provider. Depending on what she sees, she can make referrals to specialists or local resources.

imagerymajestic/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Look for ways to make it easier for your child. When you know what is going on, talk to his school to find out what they can do to accommodate him. Create a supportive and safe home environment. If there are extracurriculars or other activities that are causing problems, consider withdrawing your child. Show her that her mental health matters and that it’s healthy and good to take care of yourself. 

As part of your child’s treatment, consider looking at the whole family. Going to family therapy may be helpful because your child’s condition is not happening in isolation. In addition, all family members are impacted by the struggles of one. A good counselor will not merely single out the child with the problem, but will look at how the family as a whole can be healthier. 

The most important thing you can do is to take your child’s mental health seriously. Seek appropriate treatment from licensed professionals. Well-intentioned religious leaders or other significant adult figures can be helpful, but are not substitutes for professional help. Listen to specialists regarding treatment recommendations. By showing that you are taking your child seriously, you are helping him see that he and his health matter, which is a lesson that is valuable across the lifetime.

What have you found helpful in getting children and adolescents mental health help? Answer in the comments.

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Mental health myths: children and mental illness

I am taking some time to discuss issues related to childhood and adolescent mental health. Let’s start with a very basic mental health myth.

Myth: Children cannot develop mental illnesses.

David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Fact: A significant number of children and teens struggle with mental health issues. 

Sadly, being a minor does not eliminate the possibility of having mental health issues. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 13 percent of kids and teens between the ages of 8 and 15 struggle with a severe mental health condition. For teens between 13 and 18, that number increases to 20 percent. And those are just severe conditions – there are even more that are struggling with mild and moderate mental health issues.

There are dozens of diagnoses that are considered childhood disorders. These include learning disorders, but also conditions related to development, attachment, behavior, and more. In addition, mental illnesses that adults get can have separate diagnostic criteria for childhood versions of the same condition.

By some estimates, there are more children suffering from mental illnesses than physical ones in North America. These conditions can be devastating not only to children, but to entire families. When one family member struggles with mental illness, it affects the whole family. The family dynamic is disrupted and other family members can experience stress, anger, guilt, shame or denial. It is therefore important for everyone’s needs to be considered, not just those of the one struggling with mental health issues.

By being young, kids and teens won't always have the perspective of knowing what is and isn't normal in terms of their psychological health. We assume that others are like us, so until someone points out that, no, most people don't have to wash their hands repetitively, they might think it's the standard. Some children have never really had a chance to not struggle with mental health, so they don’t know that there is something wrong. That’s why it’s so important for adults to look for signs of mental illness in children.

Some symptoms to watch out for in children and teens include:

David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
• Being unable to cope with everyday problems.
• Not doing well at school (especially if the child is really trying).
• Difficulty concentrating.
• Loss of interest in activities and friends.
• Persistent negative moods.
• Sleep problems, including disrupted sleep, nightmares and sleepwalking.
• Frequent physical symptoms, such as headaches and stomachaches.
• Changes in eating habits.
• Unwarranted amounts of worry and anxiety.
• Regressing to behaviors of a younger age, such as becoming clingy or bedwetting.
• Risk-taking behavior.
• Repeated anger outbursts.
• Frequent disobedience and aggressive behavior.
• Self-injury.
• Substance abuse.
• Unusual amounts of time spent alone.
• Disproportionately intense feelings.
• Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there.

Take these symptoms seriously. On Saturday, there will be a post detailing how to get help when children and teens experience mental health concerns.


Do you have an experience with childhood or adolescent mental illness that you’d like to share? Please post in the comments.

Challenging Orthodoxy in Mental Health

Every profession has its orthodoxies, opinions or philosophies which have been accepted as truth, either implicitly or explicitly.  The field of mental health is no different.  At times these are presented with an air of sanctimony and imperialism which are serious obstacles to further inquiry or maturation of the field.  Given that many of us are involved in improving human welfare, this ought to be viewed with suspicion, if not derision.  When it comes to the study and advancement of human beings, everything is open for further questioning.

Here I list a few of the orthodox assumptions in our field, along with comments from my point of view.

  1. Confidentiality is absolute.  Though it is without doubt the bedrock of good psychotherapy, a healthy degree of which is required for success, confidentiality has never been absolute.  There are exceptions both in law and ethics, such as risk for harm to self or others, which are commonly known.  Lesser known, perhaps, are exceptions which in the judgment of the therapist are necessary for the welfare of the individual.  Sometimes this orthodoxy is taken to extreme and ridiculous levels, such as when therapists block any communications with third parties, nor allow them physically near the facility "in order to protect privacy".  Many times good therapy involves working with a broader system of people, organizations, or policies which offer wider possibilities for the advancement of human causes.
  2. There is a superior paradigm for mental health.  Advocates for this orthodoxy, often from medical disciplines, proclaim their model as "best practice", and cite evidence for this position.  But rarely is disconfirming evidence cited even though it is easily found (as it is for any position).  Too often, other evidence is not considered or acknowledged, nor is the existence of other paradigms or models.  These include developmental, contextual, feminist, and culturally-bound models, all of which have profoundly important things to say about the human condition and its improvement.
  3. There is a hierarchy in the mental fields, and the topmost is the leader of the "team".  This orthodox view is closely related to number two above.  This is part of an imperialistic attitude which has no place in mental health.  It runs counter to basic concepts of respect and egalitarianism which are central to the therapeutic process.  Regardless of marketplace values, all fields have important things to contribute and their diversity is to be held in high esteem.  Also, the most important unit is the therapist-client dyad, and nothing can alter this fact.
  4. Suffering should not be a part of healing.  Even on the most basic level of our physical selves this is a falsehood.  All wounds hurt, and this hurting is a sign the body is doing what it is built to do.  The body and brain are capable of self-correcting if we give them a chance.  Many people, clients and therapists alike, appear to operate from a position that all symptoms, all pain, should eliminated from the start.  This posture, promoted by the pharmaceutical and insurance conglomerate, leads to premature diagnosing, premature intrusive interventions such as medications, and often, the premature conclusion of therapy.  Suffering is a part of life, and it is not always "diagnosable".  As we come out of our unconscious stupors, our avoidance and fetishes, we are bound to feel bad.  And probably for a while.  This is a part of healing and it is to be embraced and understood.  Then real and lasting progress may occur.
  5. A toolbox of "interventions" is what makes therapy work.  Though such a toolbox is important to possess, as is knowing when to use its contents, non-specific factors account for the lion's share of progress in therapy.  These include the personalities and styles of the therapist and client, and the quality of their relationship.  In spite of all our technological advances, adequate time, good listening, a deeply trusting and understanding relationship, and the ability to communicate from the client's experience are the most fundamental components of good therapy.  Without these your toolbox is useless.
Orthodox positions usually derive from economic, political, legal, and even religious points of view.  In reality these may have little to do with a heartfelt, caring and professional relationship between two human beings.  To the extent that such points of view are given space in the therapy room, we may impair the healing process which is before us.

    Sunday, 23 March 2014

    5 activities to help between sessions

    Sometimes, the time between therapy sessions can be hard. If you have something big going on or a chronic condition, it can be difficult to just let time pass. You can’t pause your problems. Sometimes, you just have to find ways of handling them until you can really work on them in therapy. Here are five things to do between sessions that can tide you over.

         
    imagerymajestic/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
    Journaling
    Putting thoughts on paper can keep them from incessantly taking your attention. Writing also forces you to slow down your thinking process and helps you see things that you otherwise would have missed. When you do go into therapy, you will have new material to work with. If you are comfortable sharing what you wrote with your therapist, that might help, but you really don’t have to.

    Creative expression
    Some feelings and experiences are beyond words, at least in narrative form. That’s why it can be so cathartic to express these things through creative means. It can take any form you like. I used to write poetry, then I painted and right now I mostly collage. Other options include writing fiction, other visual arts, dance, theater and crafts (knitting, sewing, repurposing objects, etc.). I promise there’s something for everyone! 

    Meditation
    Meditation has been used for thousands of years to become more in tune with oneself. Whether used as a spiritual practice or as a means of self-improvement, meditation allows us to slow down and let the body and mind enter a state of rest. You don’t have to have an elaborate routine. Simply focusing on your breathing for even one minute can make you feel better. 


    Exercise
    The health benefits of exercise are numerous for both physical and mental health. In fact, regular exercise has been found to be comparable in benefits to antidepressants. In the short-term, it can also help eliminate negative emotions. Stress, anxiety, anger, frustration, irritation and more can be taken out at the gym or on a run.

    Self-care
    Take time to do whatever makes you feel good. It’s easy to get caught up in responsibilities and the never-ending list of things we should do and forget to take care of ourselves. Whether it’s a hot bath, a tasty treat or skipping the dishes for one night, doing things for yourself is important to keeping you mentally healthy.



    What do you do to manage the time between sessions? Share your tips in the comments.

    Thursday, 20 March 2014

    Who do I call?

    Ponsulak/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
    Sometimes, it’s hard to know where to turn to for help. Loved ones may not always be available or you might not be ready to share some of your concerns with them. That’s why hotlines exist. 

    Below is a list of hotlines that can be used within the U.S. My blog stats show that my readership is currently almost exclusively here, so that’s who I kept in mind when I made the list. If you are wondering about getting help in another country, feel free to leave a comment and I will see what I can find.

    Even if you think you’re okay, read through the list of numbers. They are very varied and you might find something helpful you didn’t know was out there. All numbers are listed in alphabetical order and available 24/7 unless otherwise stated.

    Boys Town National Hotline (at-risk teens and kids): 800-448-3000
    Bulimia and Self-Help Hotline: 314-588-1683
    Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 800-422-4453
    Crisis Call Center: 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863
    Crisis Text Line (teens): Text SUPPORT to 741741
    Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health & Traumatic Brain Injury (military and others affected): 866-966-1020
    Depression and Bipolar Support: 800-273-8255
    IMAlive chat support: www.imalive.org
    Lifeline Crisis Chat: www.crisischat.org
    National Alcohol and Substance Abuse Information Center: 800-784-6776
    National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Eating Disorders: 630-577-1330 (10 a.m. to 6 p.m. EST, Monday to Friday)
    National Center for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: 802-296-6300
    National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence: 800-622-2255
    National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
    National Eating Disorders Association: 800-931-2237 (9 a.m. to 5 p.m. EST, Monday to Friday)
    National Institute on Alcohol Abuse & Alcoholism: 800-662-4357
    National Institute of Mental Health Information Center: 866-615-6464 (8 a.m. to 8 p.m. EST, Monday to Friday)
    National Mental Health Association Hotline: 800-273-8255
    National Runaway Safeline: 800-786-2929
    National Safe Place: Text SAFE and your current location to 69866
    National Suicide Hotline: 800-784-2433
    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-442-4673
    National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 866-331-9474
    Postpartum Support International: 800-944-4773
    Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network: 800-656-4673
    Safe Horizon’s Crime Victims Hotline: 866-689-4357
    Safe Horizon’s Rape Sexual Assault & Incest Hotline: 212-227-3000
    Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: 800-662-4357
    Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline: 630-482-9696
    The Trevor Lifeline (LGBTQ): 866-488-7386
    Thursday’s Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline: 800-872-5437
    Veteran Combat Call Center: 877-927-8387
    Veterans Crisis Line: 800-273-8255

    Update: Here is a link to international suicide hotlines.


    If you have any corrections or additional hotlines for the list, please leave a comment. I have not personally called each number to verify the information, so I don’t make any guarantees about them. This list is not intended to be comprehensive. 

    Monday, 17 March 2014

    Substance abuse and mental health

    Mental illness has a potentially devastating companion. Substance abuse and dependence are common in people who are struggling with their mental health. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 29 percent of those who are diagnosed as mentally ill abuse either alcohol or drugs. That's almost one-third. Looking at it the other way around, over one-third of all alcohol abusers and more than one-half of all drug abusers struggle with mental illness.

      
    Grant Cochrane/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
    This creates an entire population of mental health patients with very distinctive needs. Treating a mental illness becomes much more difficult when substance abuse and dependence are involved. If you have a predisposition towards a certain illness, but it has yet to manifest, substances can trigger it. When you are already struggling, substances can make your symptoms worse. On the other hand, mental illness can make you want to self-medicate and thus can cause a substance abuse problem. The two feed into each other.

    When you are abusing or dependent on a substance, you cannot engage in treatment for your mental illness in the same way you can when sober. Your mind will simply not work the way it needs to in order for you to heal from your mental health issues. In addition, sometimes these substances can interfere some with medications. This is why it is so important
                                                                                                                      to get help for substance abuse problems. 

    There are, of course, rehab and treatment centers specifically for detoxing. For some people, this is the best route to go. But it's worth knowing that there are also treatment facilities that cater specifically to people with the dual diagnosis of mental illness and substance abuse. There are entire programs that are designed to help with the specific needs of this population. When evaluating facilities, ask about these types of programs. Some of them will be listed as psychiatric hospitals, so don't rule those out when you are searching for a treatment center.

    More in-depth information on substance abuse and mental illness can be found at the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's website. You can also call them at 1-800-662-4357. The primary purposes of this helpline is to refer people to treatment options in their area. The National Institute on Drug Abuse offers a helpful guide for evaluating treatment centers on this page.


    Have you or someone you love experienced problems with both mental illness and substance abuse? Share your stories and insights in the comments.

    Friday, 14 March 2014

    7 things to talk about in therapy

    Anyone who’s been in therapy a while knows that some weeks flow better than others. Sometimes important topics just come out and you get a lot of work done. Other weeks, you have no idea of what to say. So for those weeks, here are seven things that can be helpful to talk about in therapy.

    1. Things you have strong emotional reactions to
    Sometimes we don’t know how powerful something is until it throws us off guard. If you are having a disproportionately large reaction to something, it is probably worth talking about. The other day a relative asked me something seemingly benign, but I was fuming about it hours later. That indicates to me that it’s a topic that should be given attention in therapy.

    Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
    2. Whatever has a significant impact on your daily life
    It seems very basic, but talk about the things that are important to you on an everyday basis. It could be arguments with roommates about chores or the fact that you can’t fall asleep at night. Evaluate your basic routine and look at what impacts how your day goes. Who knows, maybe skipping breakfast is what’s making you irritable.

    3. Insights you have between sessions
    Therapy is work that continues outside of your scheduled appointments. Thoughts will roam around your head and when something clicks, write it down. By sharing with your therapist the connections you make, he can build on that with additional insights. Keep a journal or just a note on your phone where you put keywords to help you remember your thoughts.

    4. Upcoming decisions
    Think about your upcoming decisions. Sometimes you think you know what you want, but talking about it makes you realize that you’re actually looking for something else. It can be as big as retirement plans or as small as what to do next weekend. A few well-thought out questions can help you see what you really want and how to obtain it.

    5. Whatever you are avoiding
    If you are avoiding something, there’s a reason for it. It might be a friend, a specific assignment at work or buying groceries. It can be very hard to actively initiate a conversation about something you are deliberately trying to get away from, but it’s important to understand why you have your aversions. You don’t always have to approach what you are avoiding, but you need to know why it’s happening.

    6. Dreams and daydreams
    When we’re not forcing our minds to do deliberate tasks, it frees up room to let deeper thoughts and feelings emerge. Perhaps the best example is dreams. Not all therapists work with dreams and some are better at it than others. But it’s worth asking about and if there is very obviously something there, she should be willing to look at it. Daydreams are also worth exploring. 

    7. Questions
    As you go about your week, you might suddenly have questions about something related to therapy. When you have a new diagnosis, lots of questions emerge as you strive to understand what you are dealing with. Write a list of things you are wondering about and give it to your therapist so he can answer what he knows and look into what he doesn’t know.


    What topics do you bring up in therapy when nothing pressing is going on? Answer in the comments.

    Tuesday, 11 March 2014

    Healthy distress management

    Life is never completely free of things that bring us sorrow, scare us or make us stressed. There will always be a cause for distress. Finding healthy ways to manage this is essential for mental health. Repressing your distress instead of dealing with it can lead to or exasperate mental illness. This can range from being less productive at work because something is nagging at you to developing PTSD and dissociative symptoms from not confronting a trauma. It is easy to turn to bad habits for comfort. Drinking, overeating or self-injury can temporarily create a sense of peace. They all have negative consequences, though. Following are some healthy ways of managing distress.

    Naypong/FreeDigitalPhotos.net


    Express yourself through the arts
    Art can heal. Since the early days of human existence, people have created art. It is just as powerful today. In fact, there is an entire field of art and movement therapies. Expressing your thoughts and feelings in art is a way of making your experience "real." So write a poem about the heartache you are feeling. Dance to express that feeling of reaching for something you will never have. Paint what the inside of your mind looks like. The possibilities are endless. Even if you don't consider yourself an artist, art is something everyone can participate in. Try different mediums until you find something that works for you.


    Photostock/FreeDigitalPhotos.net


    Talk about your experience
    The brain doesn't like secrets. Research by James W. Pennebaker suggests that keeping secrets can have adverse effects on your physical health, including your blood pressure, sleep, and immune function. Disclosing those secrets, however, reduces stress and improves overall physical health. In other words, bottling up everything you are feeling doesn't work. It will literally make you sick. Confiding in someone is healthy for your mind and your body. Therapy is an excellent outlet, but even talking to family and friends about what is worrying you can have a positive effect. The important part is that you get it out there.


     
    Feelart/FreeDigitalPhotos.net


    Keep a journal
    Pennebaker's research also states that writing in a journal can have similar favorable consequences to those of talking to someone. For some, a journal is less intimidating than a conversation. It is a safe place to say anything. If you are worried about someone reading what you wrote, you can destroy the content after you write it. Tear it into little pieces or burn it. You can also write in a way that others won't understand. Some people like writing in a foreign language. When writing about one particular topic, I use a code that only I know how to solve. This takes more effort, but if it is what makes you feel safe, go for it.




    Use entertainment for catharsis
    Photostock/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
    Sometimes, all we need to feel better is to find a story we relate to. One of the reasons entertainment is so popular is that it allows us to feel less alone. I can't count the number of times I have listened to certain songs to get through the night. Some of my favorite movies contain themes that resonate in my own life. And books can be a more prolonged way of identifying with characters and their circumstances. Finding entertainment that speaks to you and your situation can be incredibly healing. Make playlists for different emotions. Own copies of movies that make you feel better. Read books that deal with what you're going through, either literally or metaphorically. You don't have to be alone.


    You can read more about Pennebaker's work here.

    What helps you deal with overwhelming thoughts and emotions? Let us know in the comments.

    Saturday, 8 March 2014

    Women's mental health concerns

    Happy International Women’s Day! In honor of this worldwide celebration of women, let’s take a look at mental health issues that are of special concern to females.

    Mood disorders
    According to Columbia University Medical Center, women are twice as likely as men to have a mood disorder. In addition, the WHO reports that depressive disorders account for 42% of neuropsychiatric disability among women, compared to 29% of men. Mood disorders can cause serious impairment in all areas of functioning. Report any serious or unusual changes in mood to your doctor so you can be screened for mood disorders.

    Female biology
    Women have a host of medical concerns that don’t affect men. The menstrual cycle – both monthly and across the lifetime – can cause significant symptoms. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder became an official diagnosis is the latest psychiatric manual and menopause can trigger new mental health issues in previously healthy women. Fertility (or lack thereof) also has huge implications for mental health and there are mental health services that exist specifically to deal with these concerns.

    Jomphong/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
    Postpartum conditions
    The physical changes associated with pregnancy and childbirth have psychological implications as well. The most common way this is seen is with postpartum depression. For up to a year following child birth, the mother can enter a depressive state much like what is seen in major depressive disorder. This might include a focus on the child, such as obsessing over her newborn’s health or even thoughts of hurting the baby. Less common is postpartum psychosis, wherein women experience delusions and hallucinations that affect their behavior. This may require hospitalization. A final condition associated with child birth is birth-related post traumatic stress disorder. This comes from a dangerous birth experience that threatened death or serious harm for mother and/or child. For more about PTSD symptoms, read this.

    Violence against women
    Women are more susceptible to physical and sexual violence than men. The WHO estimates that violence against women has a lifetime prevalence rate ranging from 16-50%. They have also found that at least one in five women experience rape or attempted rape in her lifetime. Other estimates are higher. Women generally have a physical disadvantage compared to men and can also be bound by the gender roles of their societies. This leads women to be more vulnerable to dating violence, sexual assault and domestic violence. 

    The unique mental health concerns facing women mean that we should pay careful attention to these areas of life. All of these issues can be addressed with appropriate intervention, but it requires getting help. Talk to your doctor or mental health professional if you believe you are struggling with any of these concerns. In the U.S., you can also call any of the following hotlines:

    Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance: 1-800-826-3632
    Postpartum Support International: 1-800-994-4773
    National Center for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: 1-802-296-6300
    National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
    National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
    National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

    Wednesday, 5 March 2014

    A note on productivity

    A lot of our sense of self comes from what we do. Our jobs, our skills, our hobbies – they all make up a big part of who we are. That is why mental illness’s interference with productivity can be so devastating. 

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    It’s tough to keep up with everything in our lives and mental illness makes it that much harder. It’s difficult to be a good employee when you can’t even get out of bed. When leaving the house is terrifying, you are restricted to what you can do at home. This toll on productivity can really affect self-confidence, which in turn can further damage mental health. This is why it’s important to reassess how much productivity is worth.

    I’m currently in school. I started the semester with what I thought was a manageable class load – and I did keep up. I was doing well in all my classes, but it was very stressful. It started making my symptoms worse. I decided to withdraw from half of my courses. It was a difficult decision and it made me feel incompetent. Instead of letting my limitations get to me, I try to focus on the fact that I saw what I needed
                                                                                                                    and chose to take care of myself. My health (both
                                                                                                                    mental and physical) is more important than how soon
                                                                                                                    I graduate.

    It’s hard not to place your worth on how well you do. But self-care and managing your needs is so important. Without it, your productivity is going to suffer further in the long run. Check in with yourself every day and see how you are doing. Assess what your stressors are and how you can reduce them. Know when something becomes too much to handle and back off. Your needs are worth more than your output. When it comes down to it, a lot of the things we think we need to do are actually things we prefer to have done. 

    You are more than what you do. You are your beliefs and your aspirations. You are the way you treat the ones you love. You are someone who keeps trying, and that in and of itself is admirable.

    Monday, 3 March 2014

    5 ways to help a loved one with a mental illness

    When someone faces an illness, either physical or mental, it can be very overwhelming to those around him. There’s a lot of new information to take in while at the same time a whole new set of questions that open up. Most people want to be helpful when a loved one is facing difficulties. Here are some guidelines for how to be supportive to someone with a mental illness.
    Photostock/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

    1. Respect your loved one. Everyone, no matter one’s circumstances, deserves respect. This is especially true of those that society doesn’t overtly value. There is a lot of stigma around mental illness and chances are your loved one has been treated poorly because of it at least once. People say hurtful and uneducated things and have unrealistic expectations. Show your loved one that with or without a mental illness, you value her as a person. Be proud of him for the things he does accomplish, even though they might seem minimal to an outsider. Just remember that respect is not about treating this person exactly like everyone else. It’s about treating others with the consideration they deserve, which is something that varies between individuals.


    2.. Educate yourself about your loved one’s condition. It’s hard to help someone when you don’t know what the problem is. That’s why it’s important to learn about the condition(s) your loved one has. You are by no means trying to be this person’s therapist. It’s actually more preventative. If you have a better understanding of your loved one’s challenges, you are less likely to have missteps and offend, hurt or be unhelpful to that person. Talking to someone who is depressed differs markedly from talking to someone with anxiety. It can be hard to find the right information, though. Have your loved one ask her therapist for recommendations of books or websites that appropriately explain the condition. 

    3. Talk and listen. Dealing with a mental illness can be very isolating. Take time to have conversations with your loved one. Ask him how he’s doing and listen carefully when he answers. Mental illness presents many unique challenges and sometimes, it feels like no one else understands. That’s why active listening (reflecting back what she’s saying, asking questions, acknowledging emotions) can make a real difference. Make sure you also talk about things other than his mental health. Those with mental illnesses have most of the same needs as everyone else. Talk about the upcoming game, weekend plans and hobbies. Making everything about the mental illness is limiting your relationship. There is so much more to a person than what she is diagnosed with.

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    4. Help with daily living tasks. Part of what qualifies someone as having a mental illness is that it causes impairment and/or distress in important areas of functioning. That’s why even simple, every-day things liken getting dressed or taking out the garbage can sometimes become overwhelming. Pay attention to your loved one and see what areas he is struggling in. If she is too anxious to leave the house, offer to do her grocery shopping for her. If he’s depressed and can’t take care of his apartment, clean the kitchen. If she is in shock after a traumatic experience, see if you can drive her to her appointments. The important thing to remember is that it can be hard to ask for help or even know what one needs, so saying, “Let me know if I can do anything,” doesn’t always work. Notice the specific needs of your loved one and attend to those. 

    5. Take care of yourself. Being a person of significance in a mentally ill individual’s life can take a very real toll. You might experience compassion fatigue, a state in which one becomes more indifferent to the needs of others because of overexposure. Simply put, if you help someone a lot, you get tired. This is why it’s important to take care of yourself. Make sure that you are getting your own needs met, including leisure and self-care. You are not expected to, nor should you, be there 24/7. Take advantage of resources and other people. It is a whole lot easier to make sure someone is getting what he needs when you work as part of a team. If your loved one needs a lot of help, reach out to other family members and friends so you can coordinate how to best help her. When everybody does a little bit, a lot can get done without one person getting too worn out. Sharing responsibility is one aspect of making sure you get what you need, too.


    There are other resources to help you find out how to help someone with a mental illness. The American Psychological Association keeps a list of resources for caregivers. A very practical guide for how to help care for your loved one with a mental illness is When Someone You Love Has a Mental Illness by Rebecca Woolis. Remember to also communicate with your loved one. He or she will always be your best resource in terms of determining what you can do.


    What have you found that is helpful in terms of giving or receiving help and support during a mental illness? Share your tips in the comments.