Dating violence and your mental health

One of the saddest situations is hurting someone under the disguise of love. Unfortunately, abuse in the dating setting happens much too often. A third of adolescents are victims of abuse by a dating partner, while 43% of college women experience violent or abusive dating behaviors. Clearly, things can go sour long before moving in together or saying, “I do.”

Dating violence happens in many ways. Most commonly, there can be physical, sexual, verbal or emotional abuse. This doesn’t have to be extreme behavior in order for it to be legitimately abusive. You don’t have to break bones – a slap or a shove is physical violence, too. Rape is one form of sexual assault, but unwanted touching is as well. Verbal abuse may escalate to threats, but can start out with name calling or simply making you feel bad about yourself. Before controlling everything you do, an emotional abuser may start with something seemingly minor, like insisting you dress a certain way or constantly asking about where you are and what you’re doing. Abuse is abuse, no matter the degree, and abuse is wrong.

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There is a high emotional and psychological toll to dating violence. It sets up a pattern that allows for future abuse. It increases the risk of drug and alcohol abuse, as well as risky sexual behaviors. These things, if unchecked, can lead to a lifetime of pain. It gets so bad that half of all young people who experience both dating violence and rape attempt suicide. 

You can also experience mental illness as a result of dating violence. Depression, anxiety, phobias, posttraumatic stress disorder and sexual concerns are but a few of the potential results. Even if no specific disorder manifests, therapy may be necessary due to the stress and distortion resulting from being in a violent relationship. 

Unfortunately, leaving these types of relationships can be risky. If someone can hurt you while claiming to love you, you bet (s)he can retaliate if you try to end the relationship. Timing and safety are very important when leaving abusive relationships. This is one reason professional help is important. Creating a safety plan can honestly be a life-saver. If you are experiencing dating violence, talk to your therapist. If you feel you are in immediate danger, call 911. Otherwise, a list of some additional resources are below.

Loveisrespect

www.loveisrespect.com

1-866-331-9474

Text loveis to 22522

Chat available on website

National Domestic Violence Hotline 

www.thehotline.org

1-800-787-3224

Chat available on website

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)

www.rainn.org

1-800-656-4673

Chat available on website

Have you experienced dating violence? Share your stories and advice in the comments.

7 reasons to enter individual therapy

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Therapy can be helpful for lots of different concerns. While we have discussed when it is appropriate to enter treatment, we haven’t had a good look at the reasons for doing so. If you or someone you love is having problems in any of these areas, you should consider contacting a therapist to commence treatment.

1. Relationship problems

Relationships are, perhaps, the most important aspect of life. While there are a few hermits out there, people aren’t generally meant to go it on their own. We need others, whether that means a farmer who grows your food or a friend that offers a shoulder to cry on. Relationship impairment is, therefore, very significant. If you are having a hard time with your relationships in general or are struggling with an important relationship, a therapist might be able to help you figure
out your part in it and how you can improve those bonds.

2. Support during transitions

Change can be hard. Change is even harder if you go it alone. As well-meaning as friends and family may be, they are not always enough to guide you through major adjustments. For instance, if you have been diagnosed with a major illness, are going through a divorce or can’t quite get in the groove with a new job, it might be a good idea to talk to a therapist. He is removed from the situation and doesn’t have anything but your best interest in mind, whereas others – while wanting to help – might have their own agendas. 

3. Impulsive behaviors 

Everyone does something on impulse from time to time. Whether it’s as simple as trying a new place for lunch or as complex as quitting school to travel the world, sometimes we just want to do something. At times, however, impulses can get the best of us. Doing things without thinking can damage the lives of us and the people around us. It is especially important to get professional support if you are having problems with addiction or sudden aggression. If you wake up the next day regretting your decisions, consider contacting a therapist.

4. Difficulties in school

Education is a very important part of life. Struggling with it is definitely a cause for concern. You could have a learning disability, or something might just be in the way of you completing your work efficiently. Therapists are trained to identify what is causing your problems and can even offer assessments to see where your challenges lie in order to help you get through them. They can also make recommendations to your school about accommodations for any conditions you might have.

5. Vocational issues

What you do for work is one of the most important life decisions you will make. Whether you are struggling to find out what you want to do or not doing well in your current occupation, therapists are a great resource for working through work issues. Because employment is essential to supporting oneself and one’s family, entering therapy when you are struggling is a good investment. As with school, therapists can sometimes make recommendations for accommodations in your workplace to help you succeed in your job.

6. Sexual concerns

Sex is a significant part of intimacy; therefore, difficulties in that area of life can be particularly distressing. Luckily, therapists are not there to judge you and can help you work through any concerns you have in this area. Whether you are struggling with people accepting your sexual orientation, learning to be intimate after sexual assault or curious whether your sexual quirks and kinks are healthy, a therapist is a good sounding board to help you work through such personal and important questions.

7. Self-improvement

Therapy isn’t only for those who are unhealthy. Sometimes, people go to therapy just to become better people. You might have some meaning-of-life questions, or you might just want to be a better friend or more comfortable in your own skin. Therapy is a great setting to explore your strengths and weaknesses and find out how to make the most of your life. Therapists can teach you useful skills and techniques, help you work through “the big questions” and explore how you can add more meaning to your life. 

Why did you decide to enter therapy? Tell us in the comments. 

Who do I call?

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Sometimes, it’s hard to know where to turn to for help. Loved ones may not always be available or you might not be ready to share some of your concerns with them. That’s why hotlines exist. 

Below is a list of hotlines that can be used within the U.S. My blog stats show that my readership is currently almost exclusively here, so that’s who I kept in mind when I made the list. If you are wondering about getting help in another country, feel free to leave a comment and I will see what I can find.

Even if you think you’re okay, read through the list of numbers. They are very varied and you might find something helpful you didn’t know was out there. All numbers are listed in alphabetical order and available 24/7 unless otherwise stated.

Boys Town National Hotline (at-risk teens and kids): 800-448-3000

Bulimia and Self-Help Hotline: 314-588-1683

Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 800-422-4453

Crisis Call Center: 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863

Crisis Text Line (teens): Text SUPPORT to 741741

Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health & Traumatic Brain Injury (military and others affected): 866-966-1020

Depression and Bipolar Support: 800-273-8255
IMAlive chat support: www.imalive.org
Lifeline Crisis Chat: www.crisischat.org

National Alcohol and Substance Abuse Information Center: 800-784-6776

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Eating Disorders: 630-577-1330 (10 a.m. to 6 p.m. EST, Monday to Friday)

National Center for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: 802-296-6300

National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence: 800-622-2255

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

National Eating Disorders Association: 800-931-2237 (9 a.m. to 5 p.m. EST, Monday to Friday)

National Institute on Alcohol Abuse & Alcoholism: 800-662-4357

National Institute of Mental Health Information Center: 866-615-6464 (8 a.m. to 8 p.m. EST, Monday to Friday)

National Mental Health Association Hotline: 800-273-8255

National Runaway Safeline: 800-786-2929

National Safe Place: Text SAFE and your current location to 69866

National Suicide Hotline: 800-784-2433

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-442-4673

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 866-331-9474

Postpartum Support International: 800-944-4773

Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network: 800-656-4673

Safe Horizon’s Crime Victims Hotline: 866-689-4357

Safe Horizon’s Rape Sexual Assault & Incest Hotline: 212-227-3000

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: 800-662-4357

Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline: 630-482-9696

The Trevor Lifeline (LGBTQ): 866-488-7386

Thursday’s Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline: 800-872-5437

Veteran Combat Call Center: 877-927-8387

Veterans Crisis Line: 800-273-8255

Update: Here is a link to international suicide hotlines.

If you have any corrections or additional hotlines for the list, please leave a comment. I have not personally called each number to verify the information, so I don’t make any guarantees about them. This list is not intended to be comprehensive.