5 ways to help a loved one with a mental illness

When someone faces an illness, either physical or mental, it can be very overwhelming to those around him. There’s a lot of new information to take in while at the same time a whole new set of questions that open up. Most people want to be helpful when a loved one is facing difficulties. Here are some guidelines for how to be supportive to someone with a mental illness.

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1. Respect your loved one. Everyone, no matter one’s circumstances, deserves respect. This is especially true of those that society doesn’t overtly value. There is a lot of stigma around mental illness and chances are your loved one has been treated poorly because of it at least once. People say hurtful and uneducated things and have unrealistic expectations. Show your loved one that with or without a mental illness, you value her as a person. Be proud of him for the things he does accomplish, even though they might seem minimal to an outsider. Just remember that respect is not about treating this person exactly like everyone else. It’s about treating others with the consideration they deserve, which is something that varies between individuals.

2.. Educate yourself about your loved one’s condition. It’s hard to help someone when you don’t know what the problem is. That’s why it’s important to learn about the condition(s) your loved one has. You are by no means trying to be this person’s therapist. It’s actually more preventative. If you have a better understanding of your loved one’s challenges, you are less likely to have missteps and offend, hurt or be unhelpful to that person. Talking to someone who is depressed differs markedly from talking to someone with anxiety. It can be hard to find the right information, though. Have your loved one ask her therapist for recommendations of books or websites that appropriately explain the condition. 

3. Talk and listen. Dealing with a mental illness can be very isolating. Take time to have conversations with your loved one. Ask him how he’s doing and listen carefully when he answers. Mental illness presents many unique challenges and sometimes, it feels like no one else understands. That’s why active listening (reflecting back what she’s saying, asking questions, acknowledging emotions) can make a real difference. Make sure you also talk about things other than his mental health. Those with mental illnesses have most of the same needs as everyone else. Talk about the upcoming game, weekend plans and hobbies. Making everything about the mental illness is limiting your relationship. There is so much more to a person than what she is diagnosed with.

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4. Help with daily living tasks. Part of what qualifies someone as having a mental illness is that it causes impairment and/or distress in important areas of functioning. That’s why even simple, every-day things liken getting dressed or taking out the garbage can sometimes become overwhelming. Pay attention to your loved one and see what areas he is struggling in. If she is too anxious to leave the house, offer to do her grocery shopping for her. If he’s depressed and can’t take care of his apartment, clean the kitchen. If she is in shock after a traumatic experience, see if you can drive her to her appointments. The important thing to remember is that it can be hard to ask for help or even know what one needs, so saying, “Let me know if I can do anything,” doesn’t always work. Notice the specific needs of your loved one and attend to those. 

5. Take care of yourself. Being a person of significance in a mentally ill individual’s life can take a very real toll. You might experience compassion fatigue, a state in which one becomes more indifferent to the needs of others because of overexposure. Simply put, if you help someone a lot, you get tired. This is why it’s important to take care of yourself. Make sure that you are getting your own needs met, including leisure and self-care. You are not expected to, nor should you, be there 24/7. Take advantage of resources and other people. It is a whole lot easier to make sure someone is getting what he needs when you work as part of a team. If your loved one needs a lot of help, reach out to other family members and friends so you can coordinate how to best help her. When everybody does a little bit, a lot can get done without one person getting too worn out. Sharing responsibility is one aspect of making sure you get what you need, too.

There are other resources to help you find out how to help someone with a mental illness. The American Psychological Association keeps a list of resources for caregivers. A very practical guide for how to help care for your loved one with a mental illness is When Someone You Love Has a Mental Illness by Rebecca Woolis. Remember to also communicate with your loved one. He or she will always be your best resource in terms of determining what you can do.

What have you found that is helpful in terms of giving or receiving help and support during a mental illness? Share your tips in the comments.