5 things suicidal people talk about

    

David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Being suicidal can come with a wide range of symptoms and behaviors. It will manifest in as many different ways as there are people. But there are commonalities that tend to appear. One of those is what they talk about. If the following topics come up, you may want to pry further to check on the wellbeing of the person in question.

1. Wanting to die

The idea that suicidal people don’t talk about suicide is definitely a myth. They frequently give indications of their desire to die, sometimes even flat out saying that they want to commit suicide. Saying it does not mean that they won’t do it. Sometimes it’s more indirect, with statements like, “I wish I’d just get hit by a bus.” If someone says anything at all that indicates a desire to be dead, it should be pried
                                                                                                                    into.

2. Feeling stuck, hopeless and having no reason to live

Suicide sometimes happens because there seem to be no other options. Talking about hopelessness or entrapment can therefore be a warning that the person is headed in that direction. There are always options. We may not like them, but they are there. When suicidal, though, those options can seem to disappear. This topic is an indicator that should be taken seriously.

3. Being a burden

Being suicidal can make one feel like a waste of space. Suicidal individuals might feel like they are simply a problem in the lives of others. They might think that others would be better off without them. This can be especially true when illness is present that requires assistance. If the person can’t contribute in the same way others are contributing, it can set off thoughts about the lives of loved ones being better without him or her.

4. Suddenly making big improvements

Sometimes, suicide is preceded by a significant increase in mood. The person might be a lot happier and more positive. This can come from feeling at peace with the decision to actually end ones life. Talking about how something “won’t be a problem any longer” or “doesn’t matter anymore” can stem from the decision to not be around at all. The more rapid and extreme the change is, the more you should ask questions to see what’s really going on.

5. Saying goodbye

It is normal to want a sense of closure. That’s why suicidal people sometimes go around and say goodbye to or make amends with others. It might be in an indirect way, such as, “I value our friendship and would miss it if we were away from each other,” or, “If anything happens to me, I want you to know…” The hypotheticals might not be so hypothetical after all, so it’s important to look out for these statements.

In combination with other warning signs, especially, it is important to take action. Always make sure that the person you care about has resources. There are suicide hotlines, doctors, therapists and community mental health organizations. If you aren’t sure of what to do, you can reach out to these resources as well and ask for appropriate advice. If you believe suicide is imminent or there is an actual attempt, call 911 or take the person to the emergency room. It may cause some upset in the short term, but having an angry loved one is better than having a dead one.

Have you talked to someone and worried about suicidality? How did you know that you needed to reach out?

The isolation of mental illness

David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Mental illness can be a very lonely experience. It can feel like what applies to the rest of the world gets turned on its head when it comes to you. When others ask questions like, “Why didn’t you come to the party?” or “Why haven’t you finished your assignment?” it can be hard to come up with answers that are both understandable and that protect your dignity. It’s hard to find words to describe what permeates your life and makes you feel separate from everyone else.

I wish I could say that people are generally understanding and that if you just say it how it is, you’ll get an empathetic response and an offer of help. The truth is, people are generally uncomfortable talking about mental illness. This societal silence perpetuates the feelings of isolation that mental illness can create.

Still, mental illness affects everyone, whether through experience or indirectly through others in their lives. With one in four Americans struggling with mental illness in any given year, everyone knows someone. It is, however, for the most part an “invisible illness” and people learn to hide their symptoms so no one knows anything is wrong. But it’s still there. 

The next time you sit in a meeting, classroom or other group situation, start counting off one in four people. Now take that group and expand. Remember, the one in four figure is for any given year. Some people have recovered from a past mental illness and others will experience it in the future. Seeing how common it is in this way can be an eye-opener. It’s a lot more prevalent than it seems when you’re lying in bed at 3:00 p.m. and wondering what’s wrong with you since “everyone else” can move on with their days. 

   

Stockimages/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

But knowing you are not alone and feeling isolated are not mutually exclusive. While you might theoretically know that others are struggling, too, it’s not like people show up to work saying, “I didn’t come in yesterday because I had a really bad panic attack,” like they say, “I didn’t show up because I had the flu.” Mental illness is surrounded by so much stigma and perceived shame that it’s hard to talk about.

If you want to change the conversation and help others understand how mental illness impacts everyone, that’s great. Just take care of yourself while you do so. As a starting point, here is an article on how to tell others you have a mental illness. If you’d rather avoid the topic, that’s okay, too. It’s your right to decide how much you want to talk about your condition, if you want to talk about it at all.

One thing that can help you feel less alone is through entertainment. Finding stories of others we can relate to can be cathartic and empowering. There are lots of mental health memoirs that focus on specific conditions, so you can surely find one for yours. For instance, there’s Prozac Nation for depression and Girl, Interrupted about borderline personality disorder. There are so many more if you just search for them. There are also fictional stories of mental illness, as well as more technical books. (I’ve compiled a list of books that help you learn more about your condition.) Movies that address mental health topics abound, too, like these Oscar-winning best picture films.

There are also online communities that can offer support. For instance, HealthyPlace has a variety of forums addressing different conditions. Another cool site is PatientsLikeMe, where in addition to having access to forums, you can track your symptoms. Everyone’s data is used to come up with helpful information. It covers a lot of medical conditions, but there’s a section for mental health concerns. Be aware, though, that these groups are for support only. They are not a replacement for a doctor or a therapist. Simple symptom management tips and sympathetic stories are great, but you should not use forums to resolve more serious issues.

Remember that mental health issues are just as much a part of the human experience as anything else. It can feel isolating, but you are by no means alone. You can choose to seek out others who share your experience, or you can just comfort yourself with the knowledge that what you are experiencing is, in its own way, normal. How you approach your condition is entirely up to you, but always know that you aren’t broken, you aren’t weird, you aren’t crazy and you aren’t alone.

What do you do when your mental illness makes you feel alone? Share feedback in the comments.

9 things you need to believe in order to heal

Healing from mental illness is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. It’s a scary process and you never know if you’re going to relapse. But a lot of it is about attitude and belief. Here are some of the things you need to believe if you want to recover from mental illness.

1. It is possible to heal.

BJWOK/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There is very little point in trying to recover if you do not believe it is possible. Not believing it sets up a major barrier that makes progress in treatment minimal at best. Belief in the method of healing is essential to recovery. Take the placebo effect. If a pill that does nothing can make some people better because they believe it is something else, then believing in your actual treatment is going to be fruitful.

2. It is okay for it to take time.

At the start of therapy, people usually want to know how long it is going to take. Some people even expect everything to be solved in a single session. The truth is, it’s going to take however long it’s going to take. The average is 8-12 sessions, but that number is, in a lot of ways, completely meaningless. Whatever you need is how long it’s going to take and that’s okay.

3. It is normal to take a step back.

Recovery isn’t a straightforward trajectory towards wellness. There are ups and downs. You will get worse before you get better. And even when you do get better, you’ll still have bad days/weeks/months. The thing with setbacks is that they actually make you stronger than you were before. You may feel like you overcome it to end up in the same place, but you’ll have grown even more.

4. You are worthy of love no matter where you’re at.

Measuring our self-worth is often done by looking at our output. How well do we do in school? How much money do we make? What kind of significant other have we won over? Mental illness can affect one’s ability to produce, but it doesn’t affect self-worth. You’re just dealing with a different set of characteristics. Now your courage in facing your disorder, determination to get better and willingness to comply with treatment set you apart.

5. Others will support you if you let them.

There are others who will want to help you. And if they’re not already in your life, you will be able to find them. I spent so many years trying to recover without letting others really be there for me. I thought I had to do it myself. You don’t. Once I started letting other people in, I’ve made tremendous progress. I don’t have a big social network, but even one person supporting you makes a difference.

6. Your treatment team can help you.

Research has shown that believing in the ability of your therapist to help you improves therapy outcomes. That’s why sending someone to therapy who doesn’t believe in it or who isn’t ready is pretty useless. If you don’t entirely trust your specific therapist, look for someone else. It is critical that you have faith in those who are helping you. (Here’s a list of questions to ask potential therapists.)

7. Things are always changing.

Don’t give up on yourself because you believe you’ve exhausted every option. The world is in constant flux and your circumstances are changing all the time. There are always new treatments, new research, new therapists, new medications, new friendships, new hobbies, new everything. The belief in change is also helpful when you’re having a setback because you know it won’t last forever.

8. You are not an exception.

I spent a lot of years thinking that there was something so terribly wrong with me that I wasn’t going to get better. I put forth all my best effort with minimal results. I just thought that I was someone who couldn’t get better and that the most we could do is not make things worse. It took six and a half years of therapy to find a crucial component that turned things around. But we found it. You will find it, too, eventually.

9. It will be worth it.

Mental illness changes the way you view the future. It can be very hard to see yourself living the life you want. The truth is, things might not work out the way you’d like. I’ve worked on my undergraduate degree for eight years and still don’t know if or when I’ll get it. But I’m learning to appreciate any progress. I don’t have a lot of relationships in my life, but the ones I do have really matter. There are a few things I enjoy doing that I didn’t know about before. You have to believe that you’ll find something worthwhile, even if it isn’t exactly what you planned.

What beliefs have helped you in your recovery? Add your thoughts in the comments.

Learning to be body positive

   

Luigi Diamanti/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Because I have some challenges with my body image, up until recently I was getting some of my clothes the wrong size. I had this idea of looking a certain way and that’s how I thought of myself. Finding out that I was actually not shaped the way I thought was such a weird experience. It made me reexamine my body and how I treat it.

Treating your body right isn’t just a physical thing. Exercise and healthy eating are important, as are taking care of any physical illnesses. But a part of having a healthy body is the way you talk to yourself. If you’re constantly thinking, “My thighs are too fat,” or “My arms aren’t muscular enough,” you start viewing your body in a negative way. This type of thinking will affect your ability to properly take care of yourself. At one extreme, it might be depressing and lead to something like overeating. On the other side is starving yourself or engaging in excessive exercise. Neither of those options is healthy.

It’s important to treat your body with respect. It’s the only thing you will have your whole life, no matter what happens. It is an extremely valuable asset and should be treated as such. When you are feeling down about one part of your body, always think of a positive. Even though it sounds cheesy, find one thing you like about it. I promise you can. I like the way my lips are shaped. It seems trivial, but having something about you that you love makes a difference. Everyone – and I mean everyone – has some attractive aspect. You aren’t an exception to that.

I’ve been trying very hard lately to be body positive. I went to the store and bought an item of clothing that I felt insecure about pulling off with my body. I felt so dumb when I was being checked out. It felt like the clerk was thinking, “Really? You’re gonna wear that?” when I’m sure he didn’t even think anything of it. When I wore it, nothing catastrophic happened. No one said anything. People didn’t stare at me. It was hard, at first, to be comfortable. Then I simply stopped noticing. It was fun to wear something different.

My point is, you are more concerned about your own body than anyone else is. (If someone does care more than you, tell him/her to mind his/her own body). How you treat and talk to yourself is what matters. It’s a really hard thing, but just try to accept your body. No excuses, no exceptions. I haven’t been able to do it perfectly, but it’s already made a huge difference for me. 

Your body deserves all the love you can give it. It’s what’s keeping you alive, so be grateful and kind to it.

What helps you feel more confident in your own skin? Sound off in the comments.

A Role and Philosophy of Counseling Services in Higher Education

College students have a great many needs across many dimensions of experience, including the academic, spiritual, relational, psychological and emotional, physical health, finance, occupational and avocational spheres of college life, and more. Each of these dimensions, were we able to graph them on paper, would appear very different in scale, orientation, and overlap for each individual student we attempt to describe. Yet each student needs access to various forms of support and learning in all of these areas, if we truly seek to fulfill our mission of retaining and producing ethical and contributing leaders of our society.

Developmental or Contextual Service Models

An individual’s life dimension profile places him or her in a specific context. No student lives and functions in a developmental or an environmental/contextual vacuum. It is true that each student brings with them their own internal or biochemical endowment, but one cannot fully understand the total student without placing the student in context.

Mental health service entities have choice to make concerning which service model they will follow. The most basic choice relates to the medical model, which is based in content-derived symptoms and diseases, and the developmental or contextual model, which is based in process-derived states of growth transitions and stressors in context. Each model begets related choices concerning funding priorities and goals which are rationally linked to different units of interest or focus. In the medical model the unit of interest is the student’s symptom or disorder, which must be treated and alleviated. In the developmental or contextual model, the unit of interest in the student’s growth pattern which is either enhanced or limited by their total context.

As an illustration, consider a student who has been diagnosed with ADHD or Bipolar Disorder. Each diagnosis requires meeting the criteria of a specific list of symptoms and symptom clusters. Suppose you meet such a student and you find he or she is also experiencing the following contextual factors:

• Stress related to global political and marketplace influences
• Extremely poor sleep routines and hygiene
• Arrhythmic lifestyles, or more simply put, chaos
• Too much screen time, not enough play and exercise
• A paucity of trusting, mutually satisfactory relationships, in any sphere
• Racism and discrimination
• Increased sense of threat and diminished opportunity for affiliation
• Poverty, or resources insufficient to being a good student
• Alcohol and drug abuse
• Poor nutrition
• The inherent transitional “volatility” of the late adolescent and young adult
• The seasonal and cyclical nature of stresses in the academic environment
• Violence, rape, sexual assault, harassment
• Environmental toxins in the food supply or living environment

It is not uncommon to meet a student managing half or more of these factors. If we were able to somehow bathe any person’s brain in these factors, what would that person look like? How are they likely to behave? Might they have problems with attention? Or disruptions of energy?

Benefits of the Thoughtful Orientation of Counseling Services

Orienting the focus and philosophy of a campus counseling service need not be, nor should it be, an unthinking activity, nor an activity of convenience, economics, or politics. It should ideally be purposeful and embedded in the deepest traditions of promoting the education and success of the greatest possible majority of young adults. Typically these traditions are most consistent with Student Affairs divisions.

After all, ALL students experience developmental and contextual challenges. Students experience homesickness, roommate or family conflict, stress from academic demands, communication difficulties, peer pressure, cultural biases, identity confusion or misdirection, etc., at very high rates. The prevalence of specific medical/psychiatric diagnoses range from, say, two to five percent of the general population. It makes sense, then, to orient campus counseling services accordingly. It is known that allocating resources toward the lower and middle quartiles of a distribution results in greater degrees of problem mitigation and prevention. Orienting counseling services toward a student’s overall development also provides for the greatest reach into the various cells of the classic cube model of counselor functioning (Morrill, Oetting & Hurst 1974), including each type of target, each purpose of intervention, and each method of intervention. In a purely medical model, the focus of interest tends to be on the remediation of the individual’s condition at the level of direct service alone. This results in allocating resources to the sickest who are much farther along in the development of chronic health problems, and there is a place in the world for this. The point is not whether one model should predominate; it is that there should be room for a wide range of approaches to the broadest segment of the campus population possible. We argue that higher education institutions obtain the greatest degree of cost effectiveness and problem mitigation when each point in the spectrum of human life problems may be addressed.

Breadth and Depth of Developmental or Contextual Models

Professionals providing services in developmentally oriented counseling centers provide human services and not health services per se. This means that a college counselor is free to address any human or life issue a student may bring, even those that may fall outside the scope of traditional diagnostic tools. This model confers advantages to students in concrete, observable ways. One does not have to be “sick” to go to counseling in such centers, because no concern or issue is too small or too large to discuss with a counselor. This results in a better probability of seeing students much earlier in the cycle of problem development. It also allows for an entire course of counseling to be focused on acquiring skills which are needed for future success, such as assertive communication and healthy coping behavior. In this sense the college counselor is also an educator and may advocate for the student outside of the counseling hour, or engage in activities other than traditional “clinical interventions”. Further, such centers are firmly focused on learning that will last a lifetime. And, not insignificantly, the increased comfort in accessing such positively-oriented services also results in a greater likelihood that students will reach out to this service in a time of more intense crisis.

As noted above, traditional-aged college students are living through a psychologically volatile period. They pass through various stages of identity and skill development, some of which are painful. This results in rather intense reactions and behavior which can be unsettling for all involved, but are essentially transient, unless, perhaps, something occurs to arrest their development. One week a student may appear very ill; at another time they appear calm and coherent. It is easy to mistake transient but intense mood states as serious illness, thus the risk of pathologizing normal, albeit occasionally alarming, behavior in some settings. Developmentally oriented centers are primed to “tolerate” intensity, firm in the knowledge that the psychic stew will settle down for the large majority. Holding this intensity in a safe environment allows the student to pass through the intensity unscathed, without potentially life-long labels and, most worrisome, a damaging and limiting conception of self as “sick”, and yet also allow for the learning which needs to take place. Counseling provided from this point of view places a priority on having adequate time with the student, as this is required in order to accurately determine a student’s full context and needs. The amount of time required for this is typically not available in medical facilities.

Orientation of Current Counseling Centers

Over a long period many counseling centers have worked diligently to orient the center’s mission and services to serve the greatest number of students in need. This was done with much forethought, research, and exploration. All aspects of the missions of these centers (including counseling, outreach, consultation, and training) incorporate a developmental philosophy such that each seeks to meet students where they are, develop the strengths and genuine identities possessed by them, encourage them and give them hope and confidence, and address life problems at the same time. Without care and nurturing, these approaches can become disjointed and misaligned with the student’s growth needs. When such centers are acquired by a medically-oriented entity and folded into their operations with little thought and planning, some predictable losses or reductions of various functions occur. These include: both perceived and real privacy, outreach, prevention, consultation, mental health screening, groups, programming, well developed relationships with the administration, faculty, staff and community professionals, community and campus liaisons, functionally coordinated teams, strategic directions aligned with those of the university and student learning outcomes, services proven to positively influence retention, graduation, and academic performance in positive ways, networking and exchanging information with other higher education professionals, immediate phone consultation, training residence hall staff, assigned committee participation, consulting with students concerned about another student, staff trained in young adult development and strength-based counseling, and simply a more warm and supportive environment. In my work as President of the International Association of Counseling Services, Inc., an accrediting agency, I have seen first-hand that many such centers jeopardize their accreditation status due to thoughtless mergers. In reality, these mergers are more like acquisitions in which the counseling service is consumed whole by the host; there is little to no actual integration which occurs. Generally these losses occur when the counseling service is viewed primarily as a resource for those providing medical services, much as a pharmacy, a lab, or an X-ray department is seen. This posture results in what is best called a failure to thrive syndrome in the counseling service. My position is that this should be avoided, and that the many benefits of other current models are worthy of continuation and support.

Reference: Morrill, WH, Oetting, ER & Hurst, JC (1974). Dimensions of counselor functioning. The Personnel and Guidance Journal, 52(6), 354-359.

5 tips for discussing trauma

Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Trauma is one of the hardest things to talk about, yet doing so is essential to healing. If you continue to repress the bad experiences of your past, they will continue to interfere with your life in ways you may not even realize. So it’s something that’s both incredibly important and incredibly difficult. Here are some strategies on how to make it more manageable.

1. Get stabilized first.

When doing trauma work, you need to be in a reasonably stable place. The week after a breakup or before a stressful holiday event are not ideal times. Work on getting yourself in the best situation you can. Make sure you have strong relationships you can rely on, as it is difficult to go it on your own. You also need to have a firm grasp on which coping tools work best for you. Your therapist should be able to help you identify if you are in a good place to start working on
the trauma.

2. Go in intervals.

You’re not always going to feel better after blurting out a narrative of everything all at once. It can even be retraumatizing. Trauma is very complex and all the different aspects need to have their own time to be addressed. That’s why going in intervals is important. You can set aside sessions to discuss specific components – the narrative of what happened, how it impacted your relationships, what fears it left you with, etc. You might also want to set time limits. Start with a low time, maybe even as low as 10 seconds. Then increase it each week until you feel you have reached a productive time.

3. Stop when you need to.

You have no obligation whatsoever to keep talking when you get uncomfortable or triggered. You can stop discussing your trauma at any time and for any reason. It takes time to learn to talk about such a difficult subject and even when you are able to, you’ll need breaks. No matter where you’re at in your story or thoughts – even if you are seconds away from a critical point – you can stop. That’s your prerogative and it’s not good to push yourself too far. Discuss in advance with your therapist how far you think you are able to go in each session.

4. Reestablish a sense of safety.

Always leave time to get yourself feeling somewhat normal again. It’s not ideal to leave the session a complete wreck. When you are done with talking about the trauma, take time to ground yourself firmly in the present. Remind yourself of where you are, when it is and who is with you. Your therapist can help you with that. Remind yourself that you are safe, that your circumstances have changed and that you have what it takes to ensure your own wellbeing. Trauma work has a way of sending us back to a different time, so make sure you have a return ticket. (In addition, here are some grounding techniques).

5. Prepare self-soothing activities.

Have planned activities for after session. Do things that help you feel better. These might include taking a bath, reading a book, going to lunch with a friend, meditating or going for a walk. Whatever works for you is what you should do. By knowing in advance what you are doing after session, it’s easier to navigate the difficult post-trauma talk space. Have backup options ready in case the coping strategy you selected is not proving effective. It’s okay if it takes you a while to recover from talking about the trauma. It is a very difficult thing to do and you should always be proud of yourself for doing it – even if it’s only a few seconds.

What have you found helpful when discussing trauma? Share tips in the comments. 

7 signs of abuse in children

Child abuse is one of the greater evils in society. It can be incredibly damaging to children and affect them for the rest of their lives. This is why it’s so important to catch abuse as often or early as possible. Here are some signs to look out for. (This list is by no means comprehensive.) 

1. Problems regulating emotions

It’s hard for abused children to safely express emotions, so they might have outbursts of strong feelings. This can manifest in their behavior as well. When the child does something somewhat explosive, try to find out what feelings were behind it. This trouble regulating emotions can continue into adulthood.

 

David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

2. Excessive fear of doing something wrong

When a child has a strong fear of doing something wrong, it might be because she is used to being punished for her mistakes and shortcomings. Even trivial decisions might be difficult due to fear of making the wrong choice. This fear might also manifest as being withdrawn or anxious. It might be a fear related to a certain type of choices or a generalized fear.

3. Unexplained physical injuries

Look for bruises, cuts and other injuries. If the child has no explanation – or provides an unconvincing one – monitor it. If there is abuse in the home, it may be continuous, leading the child to have frequent injuries. Accident proneness is one thing, but that will have more credible explanations (though it might still indicate neglect). 

4. Extremes in behavior

Another sign of abuse in children is that they are very extreme in their behaviors. This can go either way. They might be very rigid or they might be disorganized. They can be excessively obedient or completely rebellious. If a child is “too much” of anything and completely lacks the ability to navigate a middle ground, it’s a bad sign.

5. Age-inappropriate sexual knowledge

If a child seems to know a lot more about sex than he should, it might be a sign of sexual abuse. This can manifest both verbally and in behaviors. They might have a lack of appropriate physical boundaries with others or even be overtly seductive. This can, however, also swing to the other extreme, where the child is wary of touch in general.

6. Avoiding someone specific

A child may be trying to escape abuse by avoiding the abuser as much as she can. If there is no obvious reason for the child to avoid this person, it’s worth looking into. This is more than just going to his room because he doesn’t feel like being around someone. The child might hide when the person is nearby or even run away from home.

7. Regressing to earlier behaviors

An abused child might use coping skills from a younger age. This might include wetting the bed, fear of the dark, thumb-sucking, needing a comfort object and clinginess. It can even extend to the child being less skilled in language usage, talking like someone who is younger. It is especially worrying if the child has quit the behavior before, but is returning to it.

If you suspect that a child is being abused, you need to contact someone. A good starting point is a child abuse hotline. In the U.S., the national number is 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). If you live elsewhere, search online for a number or contact local authorities. It is better to be safe than sorry when it comes to children who might continue to be hurt if you don't seek help.

Do you feel like you could notice if a child is being abused? Talk about what helps identify these children in the comments.

Recovery as a journey

Sometimes it feels like no matter how much effort you put in, your mental illness is working just as hard to keep you from getting healthy. Other times, major changes for the better might happen one after another. But do you ever reach a point where it feels like it’s over and done with?

Recovery is a journey, not a destination. There is no magical endpoint where everything is “all better.” Even if you feel like you’re at a point where your mental illness is under control, you never know when symptoms will reemerge. It is something that has the potential to affect you for the rest of your life. 

Akeeris/FreeDigitalPhotos.com

This can be disheartening, but that’s how life is in general. There is no endpoint other than death. You will keep growing and changing throughout your entire life. You never fully become who you are and then stay that person. Why should mental illness be any different? Healthy is an ideal and while we can strive towards it, there is no full realization of it.

Just as you need to take care of your physical health, you need to care for your mental health. Recovery takes maintenance. You have to work at it every day. Whatever coping strategies you found helpful during therapy, keep doing them. This can keep symptoms from coming back. 

It is possible to get better. It’s just not realistic to have it as an absolute end goal. Be patient with yourself as you work towards it. Accept that at times things get worse – they also get better at some point. That’s the beauty of change. It’s a process and along the way, you will get to experience ups and downs that will ultimately make you a stronger and more complete person. 

5 things to do after a hard session

Therapy can be hard. It takes a lot out of you and can even have you feeling worse than when you started (hopefully in a productive way). But sometimes you can be at a loss for what to do after a particularly difficult session. Here are five suggestions.

Stuart Miles/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

1. Journaling

Write down your thoughts and feelings about the session. Sometimes getting it out on paper takes the edge off what you are feeling. It allows your mind to let go of the stress more easily because the information is now external. This strategy also allows you to look back at what you wrote at a later time, maybe in the next session. A lot of good content can come from that.

2. Self-care

If you were not feeling well physically, you would hopefully spend some time taking care of yourself. The same should go if you are emotionally exhausted. Do things that make you feel better. Go for a walk. Take a hot bath. Eat comfort foods. If the things you do involve taking care of your body, all the better. Physical and mental health are closely linked (read more here).

3. Distraction

Sometimes you just need to get your mind off of what’s upsetting you. Do something else that requires your attention. Watch a movie. Put together a puzzle. Try making a new recipe. Don’t try to avoid what you’re dealing with. That won’t fix anything. But it’s perfectly healthy to set it aside for a bit while you recuperate. 

4. Enjoyment

Things that make us happy can help dissipate lingering negative emotions. Focusing on something you love for a while can be very calming and healing. Play your favorite sport. Go to a concert. Have a good conversation with a friend whose company you enjoy. There’s a time to work on hard things, but there is also time to savor what life has to offer.

5. Expression

Similarly to journaling, this is all about getting what’s inside of you out into the open. Just take what you are thinking and feeling and put it in a different form. This can include making art, storytelling, dancing, acting, creating music and crafting. Use a medium you are comfortable with or explore something new. You never know what will come out of it.

What do you do after a tough session? Trade ideas in the comments.

Mental health myths: causes of depression

I occasionally post about mental health myths. I try to debunk incorrect beliefs about mental illness. This time I am talking about the causes of depression.

Myth: Depression is caused by sad or upsetting events.

Fact: Depression can strike at any time.

Some people believe that depression is caused by something unfortunate happening. This might be a death, a breakup, illness, loss of employment or other difficult life events. While these situations can certainly trigger a depressive episode, they are not the sole cause of depression.

No one knows exactly how mental illness works, and that includes depression. It is generally believed to be a mix of several different factors. Some of the possible contributors are listed below.

• Genetics. You might have inherited more from your parents than your looks or your mannerisms. Having family members with depression increases your risk of developing it. It’s not a straightforward genetic trait, so it’s unpredictable to know who will get it. But if your parents, siblings, grandparents or other blood relatives have struggled with depression, keep an eye out for symptoms in yourself.

• Brain chemistry. The brain chemistry of depressed individuals is different than that those without it. This brings up the whole chicken or the egg argument about whether it’s the chemistry that causes depression or the depression that changes the chemistry. Either way, it is a factor that might contribute to developing a depressive
                                                                                                                               disorder.

• Hormones. Hormonal imbalances are another potential cause of depression. This might be due to thyroid problems, pregnancy, menopause or other changes in ones hormones. Your doctor can look for other symptoms of a hormonal condition and order tests to confirm any suspicions. There are treatments for hormonal imbalances that will by extension alleviate the depression.

• Substance abuse. Depression often goes hand in hand with substance abuse. One estimate is that 30% of people struggling with substance abuse also experience clinical depression. This might partially be because alcohol and drugs can be used to self-medicate, but the effects of these substances on the body can increase chances of depression as well. 

• Taking medication. Some drugs increase the risk of depression. It can be a side effect. If you are feeling depressed and have recently started taking or changed your dose of a medication, talk to your doctor. There might be other medications that treat the same things and won’t cause you to experience depression.

• Stressful events. We’ve already established that negative events can contribute to depression, but positive ones can as well. If it is causing significant stress, it can cause depression. Some events might include getting married, buying a new home, graduating or starting a new job. 

• Social problems. How you interact – or don’t interact – with others can influence depression. If you feel socially isolated or are struggling with interpersonal difficulties, you might become more depressed. Rejection from a social group can be especially triggering.

It is apparent that a variety of factors contribute to depression. It can be affected by genetics, biology, behaviors, events, relationships and more. It can be complicated to pin down what, exactly, is causing a depressive episode, so it is important to be open with your doctor and your therapist. They can help figure out the causes of your depression and recommend appropriate treatment specific to your causes.

To read all the mental health myth segments, click here.

What has triggered depressive episodes for you? Share your stories in the comments.

Give me your ideas!

Nujalee/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

To keep this blog relevant to you as readers, I write one post every month on a reader-suggested topic. Leave your ideas in the comments and I'll pick one after a week has passed. I'm posting this on June 2, so I'll choose from what was posted through June 8. I don't choose what to write on in any systematic way; I just go with whatever topic I feel like I'm best able to do justice. If you like someone else's suggestion, include it in your comment, as I'll give extra consideration to multiple requests. I look forward to hearing what you come up with!


Lindsey

P.S.! Need something positive in your newsfeed? Follow MHC on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Pinterest.

15 grounding techniques

Grounding is a very useful tool when you are feeling symptomatic. It is finding a way to stay in the present moment instead of giving in to what your mental illness is causing you to experience. It can be used to decrease anxiety, help with reality testing, stop flashbacks, reduce dissociation, end panic attacks and more. 

There are lots of different grounding techniques. Having strategies in mind ahead of time can help reduce distress in the moment. Knowing which ones work are a matter of trial and error, so here is a list of 15 that you can try out.

     

Khunaspix/FreeDigitalPhotos.

1. Name five things you can see, three things you can hear and one thing you can smell. 
2. Describe your environment (“The carpet is beige and soft. The chair I’m sitting in is made of wood. The walls are painted green,” etc.).
3. Focus on your breathing. Breathe in through your nose for four counts, hold your breath for seven and exhale through your mouth for eight.
4. Carry something small that you can play with (bracelet, stress ball, putty, etc.). Focus while you use it.
5. Go through the alphabet and think of something for each letter (names of bands, movies, cities, etc.).
6. Get a hot or icy drink and focus on the sensation of drinking it.
7. Smell something you find calming. You can put on lotion or carry a handkerchief with perfume or essential oils on it.
8. Take a shower or a bath. Notice how the water feels on your skin and imagine that all of your stress is being washed away.
9. Say reassuring things to yourself out loud. (“I am in my apartment and it’s safe here. I am loved. I can call a friend if I need to,” etc.)
10. Move. Go for a walk, wiggle your toes; do whatever works for the situation you’re in.
11. Mentally go through everything you did today. (“My alarm went off at 8:00. I got up and took a shower. I ate breakfast,” etc.)
12. Listen to music you find comforting. Pick out all the different instruments                                                                          and notice how each of them sounds.
13. Engage in a hobby you enjoy. Let everything else go while you focus on doing what you love.
14. Write down exactly what you’re thinking and feeling. Imagine it disappearing into the paper. You can tear it up when you’re done, if you’d like, and throw those thoughts and feelings away.
15. Put your feet on the floor. Keep your eyes open. Engage all five of your senses. Force yourself to stay in the present.

What grounding techniques work for you? Let’s make a list in the comments.