5 tips for discussing trauma

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Trauma is one of the hardest things to talk about, yet doing so is essential to healing. If you continue to repress the bad experiences of your past, they will continue to interfere with your life in ways you may not even realize. So it’s something that’s both incredibly important and incredibly difficult. Here are some strategies on how to make it more manageable.

1. Get stabilized first.

When doing trauma work, you need to be in a reasonably stable place. The week after a breakup or before a stressful holiday event are not ideal times. Work on getting yourself in the best situation you can. Make sure you have strong relationships you can rely on, as it is difficult to go it on your own. You also need to have a firm grasp on which coping tools work best for you. Your therapist should be able to help you identify if you are in a good place to start working on
the trauma.

2. Go in intervals.

You’re not always going to feel better after blurting out a narrative of everything all at once. It can even be retraumatizing. Trauma is very complex and all the different aspects need to have their own time to be addressed. That’s why going in intervals is important. You can set aside sessions to discuss specific components – the narrative of what happened, how it impacted your relationships, what fears it left you with, etc. You might also want to set time limits. Start with a low time, maybe even as low as 10 seconds. Then increase it each week until you feel you have reached a productive time.

3. Stop when you need to.

You have no obligation whatsoever to keep talking when you get uncomfortable or triggered. You can stop discussing your trauma at any time and for any reason. It takes time to learn to talk about such a difficult subject and even when you are able to, you’ll need breaks. No matter where you’re at in your story or thoughts – even if you are seconds away from a critical point – you can stop. That’s your prerogative and it’s not good to push yourself too far. Discuss in advance with your therapist how far you think you are able to go in each session.

4. Reestablish a sense of safety.

Always leave time to get yourself feeling somewhat normal again. It’s not ideal to leave the session a complete wreck. When you are done with talking about the trauma, take time to ground yourself firmly in the present. Remind yourself of where you are, when it is and who is with you. Your therapist can help you with that. Remind yourself that you are safe, that your circumstances have changed and that you have what it takes to ensure your own wellbeing. Trauma work has a way of sending us back to a different time, so make sure you have a return ticket. (In addition, here are some grounding techniques).

5. Prepare self-soothing activities.

Have planned activities for after session. Do things that help you feel better. These might include taking a bath, reading a book, going to lunch with a friend, meditating or going for a walk. Whatever works for you is what you should do. By knowing in advance what you are doing after session, it’s easier to navigate the difficult post-trauma talk space. Have backup options ready in case the coping strategy you selected is not proving effective. It’s okay if it takes you a while to recover from talking about the trauma. It is a very difficult thing to do and you should always be proud of yourself for doing it – even if it’s only a few seconds.

What have you found helpful when discussing trauma? Share tips in the comments.