Learning to trust your therapist

  

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It’s hard to make progress in therapy if you don’t trust your therapist. Trust is essential to the therapeutic relationship, which in turn is essential to recovery. But for many people, it’s by no means easy to open up to a complete stranger and talk about the most personal parts of their lives. This is where trust building comes in.

Your therapist has a responsibility to act in a way that makes you trust her. He has to do his part of the work to create a safe environment. But it’s not entirely up to her. There are things that you can do to build that trust, too. 

To start with, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Get to know your therapist. They have varying levels of comfort when it comes to discussing personal matters, but some questions are entirely appropriate. Asking him about his education, how he approaches treatment and what his experience has been in treating people with similar concerns. A more complete list of questions to ask your therapist can be found here. If your therapist is open to it, ask a little about her family or hobbies. This makes him more relatable, which can help build trust.

This goes the other way, too. Not everything you talk about should be symptoms and problems. Let her get to know you as a person. Tell him what you like to do and what brings you joy in your life. If something good happened to you since last time, talk about it. Therapy is not meant to be entirely depressing. You’ll feel better if you believe your therapist
                                                                                  understands you as a person, not just a problem.

Another important factor is giving feedback to your therapist. She is not a mind reader and won’t catch everything. You can let that fester into decreased trust, or you can address it as it happens. If you were upset by something he said or didn’t like how she responded to your concern, bring it up. If something was important and your therapist minimized or didn’t catch it, emphasize how much it matters to you. Talk about why you’re in treatment so it is clear that you are on the same page.

Sometimes, not trusting your therapist actually has very little to do with her. If you have other people in your life that haven’t been trustworthy, you can project your feelings about them onto him. Step back and remind yourself that they are not the same person. If this is the problem, acknowledge that the distrust comes from your end, not from something he did. Remind yourself of how your therapist has been trustworthy in the past. And by all means, talk about why you don’t trust people.

Trust is a difficult issue. Your therapist doesn’t expect it to be easy for you to establish it. Recognize your feelings about trust in your therapeutic relationship and accept that it’s normal for it to take time to build it. But believe it can change. You have to trust yourself as well. Go at your own pace and make note of when your therapist is being trustworthy. Remember those times when you find it difficult to trust her. You can even keep an ongoing list. 

Because trust is an essential part of therapy, developing it is crucial. But it’s okay if it’s something your therapist has to earn over time. Just make sure you are doing your part to move forward. Take small risks in telling him things you are concerned about his reaction to. Take bigger chances as time goes on. When you actively and openly work together on building a relationship based on trust, your progress will be worth it.

Have you found it difficult to trust your therapist? What has helped you work through that? Tell your story in the comments.