Not every therapist is a good match for every client. This means that sometimes, finding someone else is the best thing to do to progress in your recovery. There are, of course, reasons to stay with the one you have. By working through your differences, you develop a stronger bond and learn how to manage relationships outside the therapy room. But if any of the following points are a problem, then it might be time to find someone new.
1. You are not being respected.
One of the great tasks in life is learning to get along and grow with those who are different than us. The variety of people in the world should be celebrated, as it allows humanity to reach its highest potential. But these differences can also be a source of prejudice and unkind behavior. If your therapist is devaluing your experiences, not honoring your belief system, asking you to change culturally appropriate behavior or making you feel inferior in any way, it’s time to switch therapists.
2. You can’t establish trust.
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Sometimes, we just don’t trust people. Maybe they remind us of someone that hurt us in the past or appear similar to a stereotype we have problems with. If this is the case, the first thing you should do is talk to your therapist about it. Working through that mistrust can be huge in terms of personal growth. But if you’ve tried your best and just can’t make yourself trust her, find someone that makes you feel more secure.
3. Your therapist is crossing boundaries.
Your therapist should be your therapist and nothing else. He is not a potential business partner. She is not someone you’ll hang out with at social events. He is not the friend you call at 3:00 a.m. Most importantly, she is not a romantic or sexual partner. If your relationship with your therapist is expanding into these areas, that needs to stop immediately. It’s highly unethical and could even have legal implications for your therapist. If he can’t stick to his job, find someone who can.
4. Your therapist doesn’t respect your time.
When you go into a session, that is your hour. Your therapist should not be focusing her attention on anything but you. He should not, for example, answer calls when with you. She should also be more or less on time and not frequently canceling sessions. Be understanding that occasionally, something major might be going on. But if you see a pattern of these behaviors, you might want to look into finding someone else.
5. Your therapist breaks confidentiality.
Your therapist has to keep all information about you private. He can’t give your information to anyone, even another therapist or healthcare provider, without your permission in written form. If someone asks, she can’t even acknowledge whether or not she’s seeing you for therapy. The only exceptions are related to major safety concerns and rare legal orders, which can be read about here. But if your therapist is, for instance, chatting with your significant other about your progress without your express permission, that’s an ethical violation and a legitimate reason to dump the therapist.
6. Your personalities clash.
We all have certain types of people we just don’t get along with. If your therapist has a personality that is particularly irritating or difficult for you, don’t give up right away. You can become a more open and accepting person by working through those issues with your therapist. If it doesn’t work, though, it doesn’t work. On the other hand, sometimes self-improvement is secondary to an immediate concern, in which case, find someone you get along with.
7. Nothing is happening.
Progress in therapy is not as simple as a line gradually moving upwards. You’ll be all over the place. Sometimes, you’ll have a huge change for the better, while other times you’ll take a few steps back. There is some truth to the “getting worse before it gets better” concept, so don’t jump ship just because you become a bit more symptomatic. It’s part of the healing process. But if everything just stays the same, then something’s wrong and you could be better off working with someone else.
Have you ever switched therapists? Why did you do so and how did it go? Report your experiences in the comments.
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