20 things not to say to someone with a mental illness

Mental illness is hard enough to handle on its own. Having other people make insensitive comments just make it even worse. It is, however, important to acknowledge that these remarks are generally not meant to be hurtful. They often reflect a lack of understanding mixed with a desire to seem helpful or comforting. Still, words can hurt. Here are 20 things to avoid saying when speaking with someone about their mental illness (and what I’m thinking when you say it).

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“Just snap out of it.” If I could, I would.

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself.” Mental illness is a legitimate problem and it’s okay to have feelings about it.

“I promise it will be okay.” You have no way of knowing that.

“Why are you like that?” That’s for me and my therapist to figure out.

“Can’t you just try to be different?” I’m pretty sure I have.

“Yeah, my brother has depression, too.” Everyone experiences mental illness differently, so I don’t want to be compared to someone else.

“That’s weird.” I know. I don’t need to hear you saying it, though.

“You’ve been doing it long enough now. Stop.” There would be no need for therapy if we could go in and out of mental illness at will.

“There are others who have it worse.” I know, but suffering is not a contest.

“At least it’s only depression/anxiety.” Even the most common mental illnesses can be extremely difficult to handle.

“That’s just how you are.” Mental illness is not a character flaw.

“You brought this on yourself.” Even if I did contribute to the problem, I did not ask for this. 

“I know how you feel.” No, you don’t, and I’m offended that you think you do.

“Things will change soon.” Timing is always a big question mark with mental illness.

“It’s all in your head.” That’s why it’s called mental illness. But it affects physical health, too.

“Do something to distract yourself.” This is not nervous anticipation. It won’t just get better if I wait.

“Don’t be so negative.” I am entitled to my feelings. Besides, I’m pretty sure you would be “negative,” too, if you were in my shoes.

“It could be worse.” Yes, it could, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t difficult.

“But you have so many things to make you happy.” That doesn’t change that I’m also struggling.

“You don’t seem to have a mental illness.” Mental illness is not always apparent on the outside.

Sassy remarks aside, feel free to share this post with someone who might need a little perspective. For things you can do that are actually helpful, read this post.

What have people said to you about mental illness that you have found hurtful? How do you respond? Tell us in the comments.