5 dating tips for those with a mental illness

  

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Last week, we talked about dating someone with a mental illness. Today, we’re taking a look from the other side. Dating can be overwhelming and confusing, and having a mental illness just adds to that. But it is possible to have a successful, happy and healthy relationship even if you are struggling with your mental health. It took me quite a while, but finding that balance is possible. Here are my suggestions to speed up your process.

1. Don’t expect her to read your mind.

This is a good tip in general, but especially important when mental illness is involved. Other people don’t know what you’re thinking or feeling if you don’t tell them. For instance, you can’t expect someone to cheer you up if he doesn’t even know you’re feeling depressed. Assert your needs. Be as open about what you’re experiencing as you are comfortable with (and as is appropriate at your stage of the relationship). This will help your partner get a better picture of what you’re dealing with, which makes it easier for both of you.

2. Take responsibility.

Mental illness pushes us to do things we would not otherwise do. There are times when we legitimately can’t help it, but you can’t blame everything on your illness. It is not a crutch and it is not an excuse. You have choices, no matter how much you feel the odds are stacked against you. When you really, truly tried your best and your illness got in the way, say that and explain what happened. But you still need to own up to your faults because you are not possessed. You made a decision. You are still you and we all
                                                                             make mistakes sometimes.

3. Respect his needs.

It can be easy to get caught up in our own needs when we are struggling with our mental health. It feels like too much is going on and a lot of energy goes to managing our symptoms. But your partner has needs, too. Respect that she can’t always answer your call at three in the morning. Be okay with him taking the night off to see his buddies. See how you can be helpful as well. Even if you can’t do everything you’d like to, you can make an effort to show that you respect and value her.

4. Work on your recovery.

Your biggest gift to your partner is yourself. That is one motivation to work on improving. You want to be fully present and available, which can be hard when you are struggling with yourself. Dating someone with a mental illness can be stressful, so the improvements you make help it be more manageable for your partner. A healthy you is more able to meet his needs as well. Just be careful that your partner doesn’t become your only motivation.

5. Love yourself.

Have you ever heard someone complain about herself and thought, “I don’t see that at all”? No matter how unlovable you think you are, there are reasons others like and care about you. Pushing away this love to wallow in self-pity not only is unhealthy for you, but can be hurtful to your partner. Self-image is a huge part of mental health. Focus on what you do appreciate about yourself. You should be doing something to show that you care for yourself every single day. Besides, the more you healthily love yourself, the more you can healthily love others.

What has your experience been with dating while struggling with a mental illness? Talk about it in the comments.