Responsibility and the Art of Hurtful Dodging

Try as we might, there is really no way to avoid responsibility.  It will always settle, like water, into a low place if that is all we can aspire to.  This is sometimes a hard-won lesson for many college students and their families.  In the boiling kettle that is emerging adulthood many students encounter experiences with responsibility, whether they themselves assume that responsibility or not.  Some have difficulties with roommates but retreat into silence or sticky note communications, or perhaps ask to be reassigned to another room.  Some skip class too often and also try to skip out on the inevitable conversation about grades.  Some overindulge in partying or any of the innumerable forms of gluttony, then pass along troubles to others through distractions and problems with sleep or health or relationships or the law.  But no matter the manifestation someone, somewhere, will always pay.  Sometimes the student will pay, but maybe much, much later in life.  Sometimes it is the parents who pay.  Sometimes, when the water is allowed to gather in the lowest place possible, it will be someone who wasn't really expecting this but finally says "Enough!"  That might be a friend, or a judicial affairs officer, or a counselor, or the court.

That teenagers and young adults attempt such maneuvering is nothing new, of course.  Somewhere deep in a French cave there is probably a drawing of a hungry and worried Neanderthal parent trying to rouse a hairy teen from slumber on a warm rock, as a herd of juicy beasts passes by their dwelling.  Hey, at least they didn't have cell phones!  This form of dodging is well known by all of us, because we all tried it and either learned the easy way or the hard way that it doesn't work too well.  What does appear to be a more recent phenomenon is older adults, those who are responsible for guiding the young into successful adulthood, engaging in their own dodging, and with atrocious consequences for themselves and their charges.


Most folks who work in higher education environs can cite examples of parents who did not or could not say "Enough!" and hold their adult children responsible.  Perhaps oddly given the term, what has been called the "helicopter parent", the parent who hovers over schools and other systems, and strikes with ferocity when the institution "didn't do its job correctly", is frequently an example of a parent who is failing to hold students responsible, especially for rather ordinary problem solving.  Just as the hairy Neanderthal teen can throw a spear, so the college student can pick up a telephone and assert themselves with others.  Rather than use the "helicopter" metaphor perhaps we should try the term "nursemaid".


To be fair, it is not just parents who err in this way.  It is the rest of us older adults as well.  When any of us involved in higher education (or any of our society's institutions for that matter) fail to draw a line in behavior, and fail to apply the natural consequences we ourselves would face were we to behave in similar fashion, we engage in hurtful dodging.  We enable continued unethical conduct when we let the water pass downward to someone else, perhaps even some unfortunate soul in the distant future.  It takes courage for anyone, in any sector of our culture, to confront hazing, or alcohol abuse, or sexual assault, or tampering of elections, or hatred and bigotry.  There are always those who perpetuate these social ills, and they fight us.


But confront we must.  Some in higher education enable because they have difficulty watching a young person suffer in a mess of their own creation.  Sometimes this is done in the name of "student development".  This tendency is not only myopic but also dangerous, because by dodging in this way we ensure that someone, somewhere will pay, and often with a much less attractive outcome.  Students must directly learn from their own experiences, and sometimes this involves discomfort, pain and loss.  Let's not get in the way of this most precious form of learning.

A Model of College Parenting (Copyright Protected)

Being a good parent is the toughest job in the world.  Parenting involves a seemingly limitless set of skills and tasks, and it is rare that any of us were explicitly taught anything about how to perform them.  We simply watch others, primarily our own parents, and model ourselves after them.  But this often means we acquire both good and bad habits.  All parents, even the best parents, make mistakes along the way.  This seems to be a part of the human condition, and it is unavoidable.  Nonetheless, it is possible for us to catch ourselves making these mistakes, to interrupt them, and to improve upon our parenting skills.

In some ways, being a good parent of a college student is even tougher.  Not only are we expected (by our children, friends, society) to make good judgments across many dimensions of our young adult children’s lives, we are supposed to do it from a distance, as most often they are not living in our homes while in college.  They are away, yet their needs continue and are changing as they mature.  Our students still need some support, and yet they are growing and should be able to provide some things for themselves.  They still need us to monitor their progress somewhat, and yet they can and should supervise themselves in important ways.  How much do we give?  When do we withhold?  How closely do we watch them?  When do we let go?  These are all difficult questions to which many parents are seeking answers.

In this post I will try to summarize what I have learned over 20+ years as a practicing psychologist who works exclusively with college students and their families.   This is not an attempt to address all parenting skill sets because that would be an enormous, if impossible task.  Rather, I will focus on two intersecting dimensions of college parenting behavior that provide, I believe, one helpful model of decision-making and actions.  Understanding this model may help us parents not only evaluate our current patterns of judgments about our students, but also alter these patterns when that is needed.

The Model

Imagine a matrix based on two axes, gratification (vertical) and supervision (horizontal).  In this model gratification refers to decisions or actions to provide, withhold or withdraw meaningful support for our student.  More simply put, this refers to how much or how little we give (time, money, material possessions, etc) as parents.  Note that the top of the vertical axis refers to parents who give a lot, too much in fact.  On that end of the gratification dimension we are giving to our students when in fact they don’t need it and are capable of providing for themselves.  At the bottom of this axis, we have parents who give too little.  In other words, we as parents are at the bottom when our students are in fact not capable of providing for themselves and we are not attending to this need.

For the purpose of this model, the supervision dimension, on the horizontal axis, refers to the degree to which we as parents are monitoring or watching our students’ progress.  Parents on the left side of the matrix are supervising too little.  This would occur when we are not paying attention to our students’ lives when in fact they need it.  At the right side of the dimension would be parents who are providing too much supervision.  In other words, we as parents are on that side of the spectrum when are watching very, very closely at a time when our students do not need it; they are capable of functioning just fine without it.

At the center of the matrix we have the “ideal parent.”  That is, we are the ideal college parent when we provide just the right amount of both gratification and supervision, neither too much nor too little, and we do it at the right time and in the right circumstances.  Sounds easy, right?

Well, as you already know, it isn’t.  Not by a long shot.  It is very difficult to be ideal in these judgments.  It requires that we know what our students are capable, and not capable, of doing at a particular moment in time and in a particular set of circumstances.  Further, their capabilities change in a given time and situation.  Just how in the heck do we become an ideal college parent?

Obviously, perfection is not possible, and we as parents shouldn’t expend all our energy trying to attain it.  But we can improve what we do if we just know a little about what to look for, both in our students and in ourselves.

Before we go any farther, let’s take a look at some assumptions that are made in this model of college parenting.

• All parents make mistakes.  Sometimes we give or watch too much or too little.  Accepting this fact makes it possible for us to relax and try to do better.
• Parents move around the matrix.  Very few of us always give or watch too much, or too little.  One day we might give too much, the next too little, and so on.  After all, we have bad days too.
• The “ideal” spot on the matrix depends on the development of your student and the situation in which he or she finds himself or herself.  Depending on them and their circumstances, you may need to increase or decrease your level of gratification and supervision.  The key is knowing your student and what he or she should be capable of doing on their own.
• We can “move” toward an ideal spot on the matrix.  Once you grasp the nature of your student’s capabilities and their circumstances, you can engage in a decision or action which is close to an ideal spot on the matrix.

Parenting Styles

Now that we have some of the basics out of the way, let’s focus on the styles of parenting that are revealed by the matrix.  The two intersecting dimensions of gratification and supervision result in four parenting quadrants.  These are:

1. Over-gratifying and over-supervising, or infantilizing.  Parents who give and supervise too much are treating their students like infants, as though they are not capable of providing for or monitoring themselves.
2. Over-gratifying and under-supervising, or accommodating.  Parents who give too much but supervise too little are simply accommodating their students, granting all their wishes without any expectations for or monitoring of their behavior.
3. Under-gratifying and over-supervising, or controlling.  Parents who give very little but watch very closely don’t adequately provide for needs but closely monitor the behavior of their students appear more interested in controlling or managing their affairs.
4. Under-gratifying and under-supervising, or neglecting.  Parents who neither provide for needs nor monitor behavior are neglecting of their student’s development.

In this model, the terms infantilizing, accommodating, controlling and neglecting are viewed as negative parenting styles because it is assumed that the style doesn’t match the needs or development of the student.  Parents who engage in the most extreme versions of these styles would be plotted at the corners of the matrix, and those who are less extreme would be plotted near the center.  The quadrants are based upon an unspecified, hypothetical student and situation, so it is purely artificial.  Only in theory should we, as parents, be “in the center” of this matrix.  If our young adult is perfectly able to provide for and monitor themselves, then of course we should be in the center.  Obviously, many students are not yet able to fully provide for or monitor themselves.  Therefore the ideal spot on the matrix depends on the individual student, his or her capabilities, and his or her situation.  There are times when it is appropriate for us to increase or decrease our gratification and supervision of our young adult children.  When we do well in matching our responses to our students in this way, we are in effect advancing their own healthy psychological development.

A Few Examples

Let’s attempt to apply the model to real-life people and situations.  (Names and other identifying information have been changed to protect their identities).  Read the following scenarios and try to plot the parenting style on the matrix.  You might also ask yourself how you would respond to the situation, and plot your own style on the matrix as well.

• Chris, a 20-year old male student has received a D in a college class.  It is his only grade below a B at this point.  He is alcohol- and drug-free, manages his own finances well, and has never been arrested or in violation of the school’s code of conduct.  His parents are disappointed in the grade, but have never voiced their expectations for his performance and continue to provide him over $3000 per month in “spending money.”  But due to their concern over the D, one parent drives four hours to campus every week to make sure he attends his therapy session.  She calls to wake him every morning, and calls throughout the day to make sure he has attended class and other commitments.  She insists on reading his mail and paying his bills for him.
• A 19-year old female student, Valerie, has accrued over $40,000 in debt on 17 credit cards.  She is drinking alcohol excessively and much of the money has been spent on food and alcohol for her friends, concerts, and travelling away from campus.  Her father, a health care professional, writes a single check to pay for the debt.  There is no other action taken.
• Nikita, 21-year old female student, is entirely self-sufficient financially.  She works 20 hours per week, and pays her own tuition and rent through her income and student loans.  She lives in a rickety apartment in a less-than-desirable part of town.  She is often fatigued and stressed, and is embroiled in conflict with a boyfriend who is using drugs and is sometimes emotionally abusive.  Her father suspects the boyfriend is spending the nights with his daughter in her apartment.  He installs a digital camera in her bedroom without her knowledge and consent.
• An 18-year old male student named Ronald is living out of his vehicle and does not have enough funds to buy books or other class materials.  He pulls this off for awhile but eventually the stress involved takes a toll and he has an emotional breakdown.  He seeks help at the university and a representative contacts the parents for support.  They refuse to come to town, as they live in another state.  They do call their son, and tell him to “shape up quick.”

These are examples of, in order, the infantilizing, accommodating, controlling, and neglecting styles of parenting.  In each case, the response provided did not match the students’ capabilities or their situation.  Using the matrix as our guide, we can attempt to plot a more appropriate response in these examples.

Chris needs less gratification and supervision.  His D grade is not catastrophic and it is apparent he is capable of functioning well and monitoring himself.  Expectations about grades should, however, be communicated.

Valerie needs less gratification and more supervision.  It is clear that her resources are more than adequate but that she is not fully capable to manage choices on her own.

Nikita needs more gratification and less supervision.  She is independent and capable of functioning on her own, but needs more resources to do it well.  The supervision being provided seems more oriented toward catching her doing something unapproved of by her parents than being helpful to her.

Ronald needs more gratification and supervision.  His needs are being neglected entirely.

Applying the Model to Your Student

The examples provided above represent extremes in some ways.  It may be much more challenging to apply the matrix to your own young adult child.  And yet it can be done.  You may want to start by asking yourself a few simple questions:

1. What is my student capable of doing on his or her own?  Is there evidence in history for providing for their own resources?  Of monitoring their own choices and conduct?
2. How does he or she compare with his or her peers in these areas?  Do they seem capable of more or less than their peers?  If they seem less capable, this doesn’t mean that you need to maintain high levels of support and monitoring.  You may need to start high but have a plan to gradually diminish these levels as your student reaches milestones.
3. How has your student handled problems or crises in the past?  Did they do it well or poorly?  A reasonably healthy 17- to 24-year old should be able to manage a wide range of issues on their own.
4. What has your student needed from you in the past?  Did it help?  Did he or she learn from what you gave them?
5. What is the nature of their current situation?  Is it a situation that is common or typical for young adults?  Or is it something that most college students do not experience?

Now let’s look at some rather ordinary situations that frequently arise with college students.  Try again to think of your response to each of the following situations and plot them on the matrix.  This time, assume that what follows is the only information you have about the situation.  By the way, these too represent real-life situations; they have actually occurred and with some regularity.

• Your student was late on an assignment and needs to talk to the professor.  She asks you to contact the professor.
• Your student is in conflict with his roommate and wants to move out of the dorm or get a new roommate.
•  Your student overdrew her checking account and has a fee to pay.  She asks you to put more money in the account.
• Your student was cited for underage drinking.  He has a court appearance and fees to pay.  He asks you to help with these responsibilities.
• Your student reveals that she only passed one of four classes this semester.  It is time to register for the next semester’s classes.
•  Your student calls you at 11:30PM to say that he has no clean clothes.
• Your student tells you that she does not know how or where to buy books.
• Your student sends you an email in which she informs you that he has a bad cold and has missed classes for two days.

All other things being equal, in each case there are actions these students need to take to meet their responsibilities or take care of their needs, and they should be able to do this with minimal supervision.  Any role you take would be minor, mostly restricted to providing information (or helping them find it).  It would be rarely necessary, if not ineffective, for a parent to resolve these matters instead of the young adult child doing so.

Conclusion 

In short, you can make an educated guess about the approach to parenting that is appropriate given your student’s history and situation.  If their history is such that they are capable of securing their own resources and of supervising themselves independently, then you may want to decrease gratification and support.  If their situation is unusual for most college students, then you may want to increase gratification and supervision.  The model is flexible, so we as parents can be too.  If you find that you are “off the mark”, don’t worry.  Just regroup and make another attempt toward a different point in the matrix.  Do this as many times as you need.  Remember, we don’t have to be perfect.  We just need to try and do our best.  After some tweaking, that will be good enough.

Funding Campus Mental Health Services

There is simply no question that most administrators of college mental health service report significant increases in both the number of students presenting for treatment as well as the severity of their concerns at intake.  A recent survey indicates that 91% report increasing severity, yet 46% report developing a wait list for services due to clinical demands and 88% report concerns that many students do not receive the services they need (see http://bit.ly/zotRgW for more information).  Virtually no one disagrees that student access to such services is a good idea or is needed.  At least, that is, no one who is rational.


So why is it that many campuses struggle in the provision of these services?  In this case a complex problem has a simple root cause: poor funding models and the thinking that leads to them.  This is not terribly different from the root cause of inadequate mental health services for the population in general, be it in the United States or elsewhere.  One major difference, however, is that it is within the power of many higher education institutions to properly fund these services, and to do so with deliberate speed.


Many campus mental health services are funded through a student fee, such as a health or services fee, which may or may not be embedded in tuition.  The amount of this fee may or may not be even visible or known to the administrators who oversee service delivery.  When the fee is known, it often pales miserably compared to other service fees, such as those collected for career or student recreation services.  An implicit reason for this disparity is beguilingly plain: institutions sometimes feel the other services can be easily marketed to new students and their families.  And this is very true.  Prospective students and families want what they perceive as amenities for their tuition dollar.  Can't blame them for that.  Mental health just doesn't sell.


Or so some think.  Peel back the curtain a little and one immediately sees problems with this logic.  Being happy and productive is, in the end, the only thing that sells.  A progressive thinker knows that today's college student needs all manner of services if our goal is to produce a sound, competent and productive citizen.  An institution's long term survival in fact depends on this, at least to a significant degree.  Being transparent in acknowledging this need will not damage sustainability; rather it will enhance it significantly.  This transparency is what leads progressive administrators to appropriately resource a wide range of services.  As evidence I submit the top tier of college mental health services in such states as Ohio, Pennsylvania and Florida.  There are others.  These states have faced the same recession and consequent budgetary crises as all the other states, so one cannot attribute all funding choices to those influences alone.


The top tier can thank progressive thinking for their circumstances.  Simply put, it is courage or the lack thereof that determines funding models for college mental health services.  It is time we insist on this courage in our leaders.

The Dread and Hope of Homesickness

Homesickness.  A word that enters the lexicon of many first year college students and their families.  When it strikes it creates a palpable sense of dread and fear, if not outright panic in some.  Often those involved merely think of this malady as "missing home" and nothing more.  But there is much more to this phenomenon and the way out depends on comprehending it more deeply.

Nearly all students will feel some degree of homesickness, as do many older adults for that matter.  So thinking and fantasizing of home while away is a fairly common state.  Actually, it can be a positive sign of the health of the family when it is not excessive.  There are those, however, who become fixated, even obsessed, about returning home, to the point that they simply cannot function well in their new environment.  When students are so distressed that it causes impairment in daily academic and personal functioning, there is a problem.  This problem can lead to broader concerns having to do with adjusting to college life (a topic which will be more fully addressed in a later post).

So what is really going on if homesickness is more than missing home?  It is a signal of a need to gain adult coping skills such as distress tolerance, stress management and resilience, or facing adversity competently.  As all students are on a journey of independence and autonomy, many, if not most, will weather this process well and without too many bumps and bruises.  The homesick student, however, arrives at school a little behind in this stage of development and therefore must undertake intentional decisions and actions which promote their growth.  Sometimes the home environment was so nurturing and comfortable that the student did not experience much in the way of stress, negative life events, or situations which required their being engaged in active problem-solving.  Oddly, the opposite can be true as well.  Some homesick students may have been under-nurtured and came to rely solely on what was familiar to them, such as the house in which they lived or their high school friendships, no matter how meager these resources were.


There can be signs which may predict later homesickness and/or other adjustment difficulties.  A few illuminating questions may help to discover these signs:

• Did he need a lot of supervision at home (homework, chores, etc.)?
• Do her parents talk to other adults for her?
• Did he have problems with responsibility in work, groups, or teams?
• Does she lack self-confidence and assertiveness?
• Has peer pressure been a problem for him?
• Is it difficult for her to make or keep friends?

Among the best antidotes for homesickness is raising children and teens in such a way as to promote the achievement of developmentally appropriate milestones.  As children age it is ideal for them to acquire increasingly complex defenses and skills, such as assertiveness, problem-solving with peers and adults, active engagement in school and community projects and programs, and establishing supportive relationships and other resources.  If they don't do this before college the pressure to do it when they arrive will be immense. For some this can be too much to bear all at once, partly because they have other immense demands already, such as doing well in school.


Should a student encounter homesickness one approach is to assist them in focusing on developing these same skills, as opposed to providing the same expectations and responses provided in high school.  Encourage them to spend time with classmates, roommates and others, actively getting to know them.  Give them information about how to get involved on campus and in the community.  Most schools have dozens, if not hundreds, of student organizations and work opportunities.  Options for volunteering and engagement in social or political causes abound everywhere; one needs only to take the steps to access them.  As they encounter stress and conflict, which is inevitable for everyone, preach patience, assertive communication, and adapting, rather than escape.


In most cases homesickness will drain away rather quickly for students who focus on this path.  It passes for a simple reason.  They have learned to create another home.  This is an essential life skill which will be involved in many later events such as starting a new job or family.  Parents have an important role in this process as they too must be patient and have faith their adult children will become who they are intended to be, while still remaining connected to home.

An Educated Parent's Guide to Being a Good Student

Kids, I have been around a while, and I have a lifetime of evidence that the advice below will work if you give it a chance.  So listen up.

Number One, Get organized.  This will take care of about half, maybe more, of what it takes to do well in school.  You can’t do well if there is no discernible pattern or rhythm to your life.

a.    Sleep: Wake up around the same time each day.  Don’t take naps even if you choose to go to bed late.  Disconnect from devices before you go to bed (this means turn them off).  Daytime learning best gets into long-term memory if there is adequate sleep, meaning not too little and not too much.  Six to eight hours of sleep is all you need, but only if it is of high quality.

b.    Time: Use a calendar and load all classes, work time, study time, and deadlines into it.  Treat each entry as you would an appointment that you have committed to keep.  Set multiple alarms on important assignments, exams, and deadlines.  Your cell phones, for which we pay monthly, are great tools if you use them to be productive.

c.     Space: Clean, organize and de-clutter your living spaces.  It really does have an effect on our moods and brain function.

d.     Exercise: Three or four times per week, 30-40 minutes each time.  Almost anything you can do in this area is better than nothing, and it will help your brain function at its best.

e.    Study: In your calendar you should schedule study blocks in the gaps of time you will have between waking and work or other committed time.  Shoot for no less than two or three 90-120 minute study blocks each day, including weekends.  Each block should be dedicated to a different subject.  Disconnect from devices when you study.  Study only in quiet environments with few distractions, and try to choose the same environments every time.  Avoid studying in your beds and in front of the TV.

f.      Rewards: Only engage in rewarding behavior such as cell phone use, TV use, listening to music, Facebook time, hanging with friends, etc., AFTER you have kept your appointments for the day.  You will have less stress and worry if you do this because you will get things done, and when it’s time to play you will be guilt-free.

Number Two, Get involved in productive pursuits.  Part-time commitments and campus organization activity are proven to be associated with better grades.  Vegetating with friends, sleeping all day, watching TV, doing little meaningful activity is proven to be associated with poor grades.  It’s as simple as that.  A good rule of thumb to go by is to engage in this type of activity at least once or twice per week, outside of school and your regular work.  Don’t listen to those who want to pull you away from these activities or your study time.

 

      Number Three, Use proven study methods.  It is already known what types of studying work best.  These include:

a.     Use all your senses while studying: Using vision (reading), hearing (listening to recordings, rehearsing) and touch (highlighting, writing and re-writing notes and index cards) while studying is superior to using only one, like reading.

b.     Use the Cornell method of note-taking:(See http://bit.ly/zD91jM for more information on this method).  Also create index cards for every significant category of learning from class, and for quizzes and exams.  (See http://bit.ly/vZBw3efor information about using index cards).

c.     Use chunking for comprehension of material:In all your reading and note-taking, take time to group information into meaningful categories containing no more than three or four items each, and assign a level of significance to each grouping so you know what to focus on when studying later.  Using highlighters to categorize is very helpful.

d.    Use a study group or the buddy system when studying, especially for exams: This is a form of rehearsal in that you can quiz each other and listen to how others have grasped the material.

e.    Use repetition: Use your study blocks to repeatedly go over the same material, which should be easy if you use the methods above, because you will already have written and highlighted material.

f.      Use distributed studying and avoid massed studying: This is a fancy way of saying that study in small blocks over a long period of time is superior to cramming.  Our brains embed things in long-term memory better this way.

The last tip, Number Four, is the most important and that is to remember and stay focused on why you are in school.  Keep your hopes and dreams close to you at all times.  We don’t ever get to a destination if we don’t have some sort of compass to consult.  Look closely at what successful people do; they know there is no short cut and it takes consistent hard work.  Your Mom and I believe in you and want only the best for you, but we can’t live your lives for you.  We’ve lived long enough to know that there’s nothing more hellish than a meaningless or wasted life.  And life goes by faster than what you think right now.  So we pray that you choose a path which will enable you to leave something good behind you.  No matter how lofty our goals are, we cannot accomplish them without some basic discipline and good habits, like the ones listed here.  Now go get ‘em!

Vital Organizations Supporting College Mental Health

There is a lot of variety in this field in terms of represented professional disciplines and organizations.  This is both a strength and political weakness at times.  More on that subject later.  I will focus here on three organizations which I believe are of fundamental significance to the prosperity and growth of college mental health.  Anyone interested in this field would do well to become acquainted with all these organizations have to offer.

International Association of Counseling Services, Inc. www.iacsinc.org
IACS is an accreditation agency which has developed, in my opinion, the most comprehensive set of standards in this field.  College mental health services of all kinds would do well to aspire to and achieve accreditation.  Among other things, being accredited is evidence of best practices and benchmarks centers against other facilities nationwide.  It is also is central to the pursuit of improved resourcing and status in the academic community.

Association of University and College Counseling Center Directors www.aucccd.org
AUCCCD is a community of center administrators which provides a wonderful annual conference and an equally impressive listserv.  These vehicles provide many networking and consultative opportunities which are essential to the development of professionals and resources.  The listserv in particular provides nearly instantaneous feedback and support for the challenging questions and situations which arise in this work.  New administrators are especially benefited by the wide range of wisdom, expertise and support this organization provides.  More recently AUCCCD is undertaking prospects of becoming politically active on behalf of those involved in college mental health, as there is simply no single entity effectively representing the field at this time.


Center for Collegiate Mental Health www.ccmh.squarespace.com
CCMH is an entity housed at Penn State Unversity which serves as a data collection repository and conducts extensive research into the mental health of college students in the United States.  It employs standardized data sets collected from 173 college counseling centers across the nation.  The development of CCMH is an extremely significant milestone in the history of college mental health.  Two annual reports have been produced thus far, representing the early stages of research development.  Soon it will be possible to provide comprehensive, real-time data concerning the well-being of and issues faced by students.  This will be enormously helpful in terms of addressing nationwide, regional and local comparisons in order to improve services, and in terms of correcting media depictions of these issues which are often erroneous and harmful.  Centers ought to seriously consider becoming a member of CCMH and utilizing the resources involved.


While there are other organizations involved in some way with college mental health, these are most essential in my opinion.  Check out their web materials to learn more.

College Stress

Sometimes college life can make you seriously freak out.


With all the exams, late night studying, hard-to-understand lecturers, management of online and real life status, less-than courteous roommates, it’s enough to turn the most intrepid scholar into a quivering and unholy puddle of green jelly.


But hey, it doesn’t have to be this way.


With a few simple techniques and adjustments you can go back to being your own bad-self on campus.  So here’s the scoop...


Stress is defined as an increase in the arousal of the autonomic nervous system, or an emotional and physical reaction that increases the rate of “wear and tear” on the body.


Here’s the thing: You can’t stop stress from occurring.  It is a part of life.  However, you can influence the rate of wear and tear on your body and mind. More to come on this subject later.


A stressor is any positive or negative event that causes such a reaction.  Successful life events such as graduation, marriage and getting a new job can cause as much stress as a break-up, failing grades, or being fired.  So this means we are almost always under some sort of stress.  It may be small or it may be big, but it’s always there.  Kind of like the dishes in your sink.  Just as we wake and put clothes on (most of us anyway), we can prepare to encounter and address stress every day.


Some signs of stress include: fatigue, agitation, feeling jittery or shaky, muscle tension, headaches, feeling drained or overwhelmed, restlessness and poor concentration.


Sound familiar?


Common sources of college stress include: exams and papers, increased freedoms and responsibilities, family and relationship problems, poor diet and sleep habits, alcohol and drug abuse, and the inability to set appropriate limits for yourself and others.


This last one is the most important.  Many stressful events are relational in nature; they arise in the context of our relationships with professors, family members, friends and lovers.  If you learn the skills of setting and keeping limits, you will have most stress management owned.


Here are some secrets to successful stress management:


First, you must be aware of your boundaries, or in other words, your own set of personal limits for yourself and others.  How far are you willing to go yourself before you become uncomfortable, or worse, hurt, with anything?  How far are you willing to let others go?  Figure this out, as much as possible, ahead of time.  Then establish and stick to your boundaries, which you do through good communication.


So second, once you know your boundaries, be assertive about them! Communicate clearly, directly and honestly about your preferences.  Others won’t know what to do or not to do unless you tell them!  After all, no one stops driving unless they see a stop sign.  So throw up that stop sign when you need to.


Third, other tips to deal with stress involve minimizing its effects.  Again, stress cannot be eliminated but its effects can be reduced.  You can accomplish this by doing the following:


1. Notice that you are stressed as early as possible.  If you listen carefully your body will tell you.
2. Identify what is stressing you.  This may not be as easy as it sounds, so think about it deliberately.
3. Learn to be appropriately assertive and say “No” to yourself and others.
4. Develop realistic goals.  A resume packed full of activities you really don’t care about won’t help you.
5. Change the negatives if you can, and change your attitude about them if you can’t.  You will feel better when you resign from being manager of the universe.
6. Learn not to panic or over-react when things don’t go well.  Find one thing that you can do to feel better or move you toward your goals.
7. Take time out to relax daily and exercise at least three times a week.  This is a no-brainer.
8. Eat and sleep well, and limit alcohol and tobacco use.  Have fun without hurting yourself.
9. Take care of academic, medical or other personal problems as soon as you notice them.  Procrastinating makes everything worse.


If you need help with stress, you don’t have to go it alone.  Call your campus counseling service for an appointment to learn other simple techniques to reduce and manage stress.  Most times it only takes a few visits to learn great stress management skills.


Remember, burnout is real.  Success is enduring and doing something well for a long, long time.